Notebook Paper

IlliNOISE is always sleeping

but I always find myself wide awake

leafing through my life on notebook paper

until the knots in my stomach dont ache

 

I looked myself in the eye today.

saw some things I will not boast.

George said, "Are you okay, Chloe?

You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

I unscrew my scalp so thoughts can spill out

and scoop them up off the floor

trade in my useless hope and dreams

I dont think i'll need them anymore

  

He who dies with the most toys wins

but i stopped stocking up on lego's long ago

I'm not afraid of death or pain

I'm just terrified of living alone

 

Things change and so do we

I'm just trying to find what lifes about.

But I'm throwing away my notebook paper

I'll let the real poets figure it out.

 

I'm writing this from that stupid bed

where we peeled off our clothes,

but just talked instead

We were both looking for something else.

Yeah, I'm still looking for something else.

 

Author's Note

go ahead and butcher it.

Reviews

[Zach Colgate]

Very cool. I liked this a lot. I only have one suggestion. This piece would come together better if the rhyming was consistant throughout the entire poem. Thats all I got. Nice work.

[Hedra Helix]

the words are fabulous, fffaaabbllous, your sentences are nuts like always, homie you truly are something-you know that? really

but, having said that IMHO you maybe could look at the rhyme cos its dancin everywhere. By that I dont mean it has to rhyme but the first stanza (which is brilliant by the way) IMHO hits perfectly and then the second two kinda do and then the 4th doesnt have the same feel at all.... and so on..and so on... and it threw me off, but the meaning and the words in this are top notch, 100%
maybe structure it differently?

you always impress dude. always

[Zatoichi]

I like this poem; I tend to bring expectations to reading, and always enjoy being surprised,

Having said that, I don't quite get the 3rd stanza, esp the last 2 lines. I don't see scooping up and carrying around trash, nor are your hopes and dreams to be found in the trash. I get the emotion you're expressing but as written reads kinda muddled to me.

The last stanza is beautiful and holds the whole effort together. Thanks

[No]

my god, i love this. especially the last stanza.
don't even have any constructive criticism.

this is the kind of stuff that gets stuck in your head and doesn't come out for days.

[waywithwords]

I just loved the rytham of this beautiful poem and the imagery well alive. Please do not throw your note book away would love to read more of beautiful words as these. HUGSxxxxAnne.