Its Me.

For my father.

It's her, its you

its all the things you do

its broken glass in my hands

its the way you break my plans

its the slamming of my door

its my mother bruised and sore

its the car door shaking

its my stereo breaking

its the way you waste the hour

sweet tastes turned sour

its your bottles still tipped

its every night you slipped.

its a dirty garage filled with cans

its a hot house with a lazy fan

its the night all hell broke loose

its the night my brother had to choose

its my ipod playing its heart out

its the music hiding what the fuss is about

its my books left behind

its my life on rewind

its a hole in my glass half full

its me finally taking control

its my feet racing up the stairs

its my mother at work, unaware

its cold basements and dirty skin

its me fighting for things i cant win

its the first time she made the call

its your picture missing from the wall

its you giving up and giving in

patience and love wearing thin

its me not wanting to bother

no, i dont need a father.

Author's Note

Changed alot for English Class.

Reviews

[Zatoichi]

you will survive and prosper because you know how to create art from the s**t, mucus, and pain of life.

[Hedra Helix]

I thought of sublime too during the roll of it.

youre brave my friend, in lots of ways, I admire ya.

fave lines;

its my stereo breaking
its the way you waste the hour
its a dirty garage filled with cans
its a hot house with a lazy fan
its the night all hell broke loose
its the night my brother had to choose
its my ipod playing its heart out
its a hole in my glass half full
its my feet racing up the stairs
its the first time she made the call
its your picture missing from the wall

[WoFer]

good! much better, in this piece you are pulling the reader in and passing on your pain to them.
In the end a nice strong statement, for yourself and your reader. you have potential but you have to have the desire to.

[[untitled]]

well, ok... i'll tell you...

umm... i can actually relate to the words you say. i'm not lying. some of those lines actually brought back memories... which is weird... in a good way of course! i can especially relate to the stereo breaking... well it was a television though.

as for your poem...

what can i say? i L-O-V-E rhyme! and i don't just spell it out when i'm saying it... when i mean it. the lines were very fun to read because of that rhyme... especially at the beginning! as you read through the poem, you read all these clues... or whatever you might want to call them. then, at the very end... they all come together to form the conclusion. wow! who knew i could use such big word? i can barely understand myself! whatever. the descriptions were simple ones, but you gave them the power to impact the poem so much. lots of abstract descriptions. some of them were so powerful i just wanted to read them over and over again. no joke. "its the hunger eating away" was probably my favorite line there. the poem flowed very, very well. it did. seriously. i loved this poem. i really did... or else i wouldn't be saying it!

ta, ta, da! my advice...

well... this was a great poem... no doubt about that! umm... uhh... i can't think of anything to say! if you wanted to make this a longer poem (which wouldn't hurt one bit)... you could use your "conventions". lines like "abused wife begging for more", "its the hunger eating away", and "sweet tastes turned sour" are great at beginning or separating paragraphs... or whatever they're called (i have a poor vocabulary). but one thing i noticed, is that on the lines

"its you giving up and giving in
patience and love wearing thin"

i think you should just move up the word "patience" to the first of the two lines... just to keep the flow. i kinda hit a speed hump there.

well... this is pretty much all i have to say. might as well go to my room and cry for a while. seriously. sorry for it being long, but those are my reviews... nowadays.

[thecoolone52]

i thoguht the begining was just like one of sublimes song when hes like "Its that s**t stuck under my shoe its that smell inside the van.............. anyway still good poem.........