Paite Chapter 1

Chapter 1 of my ROUGH draft of my new novel, 'Paite'. I am aware of all the spelling/typo/grammar issues and I'll get to them eventually, like I said this is a ROUGH DRAFT! Right now I just need feedback on the story in general! :) Thanks!

First Life



    One moment, everything was perfect. Then, only an instant later, things became disastrous.
    “You’re pregnant?” Taylor asked.
    Bekkah sighed and glanced at her feet. “Yes,” She sighed, reluctantly. Telling Taylor was almost harder then excepting the truth herself. It was hard to think that fifteen minutes could change your life. But, in the fifteen minutes, it had taken Bekkah to discover she was pregnant the earth had seemed to stop rotating.
    What would her parents say?
    What would Emmie think of her sister now?
    How would Taylor react?
    Taylor couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Bekkah was only fifteen. This couldn’t be happening.
    Taylor shook his head furiously.
    “What are we going to do?” He asked, helplessly, as he collapsed on his bed.
    “Well… We can’t tell my parents…” Bekkah started, as she took a seat next to him.
    Bekkah placed her hand inside Taylor’s, she knew that it was scary to find out you were going to be a parent soon.
    “How long have you known?” Taylor asked, suddenly.
    Bekkah paused; this was the part that she had been dreading. Three month before, when she had first found out that she was pregnant, she had considered many options.
    She could get an abortion. Though, she wasn’t sure how she would do that without letting her parents know.
    She could fess up to her family and have the baby, only to raise him or her in Lucielle.
    Or she could go to Paite.
    Bekkah had been too scared for too long. She knew that once she told Taylor that she was pregnant, things would go downhill. He would want to tell their parents. He would want to get things under control.
    Bekkah didn’t see this as a controllable situation. She had gotten pregnant, and now she had to do what was right for her baby. No questions asked.
    “Bekkah… How long?”
    Taylor’s pressing tone dragged Bekkah from her thoughts.
    “Three months…” Bekkah said, quietly. Bekkah let one hand drift down to her swollen abdomen and stroke the small, barely visible bulge that seemed to be taking over her life.
    “Three months?” Taylor gaped. “Bekkah… Why didn’t you tell me?”
    Bekkah took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
    “I-I was afraid of what you’d think,” She said.
    Taylor stood up, suddenly, began to pace. He did that when he was upset. He paced around the room, as if it would fix his problems to keep walking.
    “What I would think?” Taylor questioned. “Bekkah, this is my fault!”
    “What?” I Bekkah demanded, getting to her feet. “Taylor, it was me! I should have… I should have… Well, I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant.”
    “Like you could help it,” Taylor snorted. “It’s all my fault, Rebekkah, don’t try to hid it I kno-“
    Bekkah cut Taylor off, her voice full of rage. “Do not call me Rebekkah!” She demanded. “And, stop being so hard on yourself. I’m just as much to blame as you are.”
    Taylor rubbed his eyes, as if he were deep in thought.
    “It’s not that, Bekks. I’m the adult here. I should have known to stop this before it started.”
    Bekkah felt a throbbing pain on the inside of her chest.
    “Are you saying that you… regret what we did?” Bekkah asked timidly, as she took her seat on the bed. Bekkah felt like more of a child in this moment then ever before. Suddenly, the world felt to… big. Here she was, sitting on, Taylor’s too big bed, in his too big room, with her too-big-secret rotting her from the inside out.
    “Of course I do,” Taylor snapped, coolly. “You’re pregnant, Bekkah, and obviously, you don’t understand who serious this is. I should have thought this through… You’re just a kid…”
    Bekkah buried her face in her hands and felt the tears begin the flow before she could stop them. She needed Taylor to understand. Her whole life, Taylor had been the only one who really got it. But, now… things were different, and Taylor was the one who didn’t seem to understand.
    “Look Re-“ Taylor paused, before correcting himself. “Look… Bekkah. I know that this must be really hard on you… I’m being insensitive… What can I do?”
    Bekkah shook her head.
    Part of her was furious at Taylor. He had said he regretted sleeping with her. And, he had called her a kid. There was something different about hearing those words come from Taylor. Taylor had always made her feel more like an adult. Now… she was just another child.
    “You can’t do anything now, Taylor. What’s done is done,” Bekkah gulped. This wasn’t why she came. She had come to say goodbye to Taylor. She had made her dicision about her future, and she knew she couldn’t stay here.
    Bekkah just couldn’t face telling her parents that she was pregnant. Especially not with Taylor’s child. He was older-Eighteen to be exact, and he was a Satanist, Penecaustal enemy number one.
    Taylor was the last person that Bekkah’s parents would want her to be around, and if they got word that their daughter was pregnant with his child, they would never be able to forgive her.
    On top of that, Bekkah couldn’t imagine raising a child in Lucielle. She had always dreamed of getting out of the city and starting her own life. She would just have to start it a little earlier than planned.
    “Taylor… I told you that I can’t tell my parents…” Bekkah sighed, looking down at her shoes. “I have another idea…”
    Taylor looked up at her, meeting her glance with is blue-green eyes.
    “What is it?”
    “I think that I should go to Paite,” Bekkah mumbled.
    “What? No!” Taylor shouted, suddenly his arms were around Bekkah, and his mouth was pressed against hers, his kiss so ferocious it seemed as if he were trying to hold her in place.
    “Nonononono, Bekkah, no…” Taylor whispered frantically in her ear. He rocked back and forth, his face in her hair, his hands holding her body close.
    “Just don’t leave me… Please…” Taylor pleaded.
    Bekkah would have given anything to just stay there, in Taylor’s arms and forget everything that had happened between the two of them. But, that was too much to ask, weather she liked it or not, Bekkah was pregnant and her baby was well on it’s way. She would have to face parenthood sooner or later.
    “Taylor, I-I can’t stay here. My parents…”
    “Who cares?” Taylor asked. “You don’t want to tell them about this?” He asked, motioning to Bekkah’s stomach. “I’ll handle it. Just don’t leave me.”
    “Taylor, I couldn’t ask you to do that. And even if you were to tell my parents do you think that that would make things better? They’ll hate you even more if they get the news from you. And, they’ll never except this,” Bekkah sighed.
    Taylor’s mind was spinning. How could this be happening? How could Bekkah just show up and tell him that she was pregnant? How could she talk about going Paite? After everything they’d been through they couldn’t split up now… Not with a baby on the way… There had to be some way to convince her that everything would be okay.
    Like that time on the helicopter… He could calm her down… He could convince her to stay.
    “Bekkah,” He said suddenly stern, “You can’t leave me. I’ve already lost so many people to Paite… Steve, Lisa, Rachelle, Lia, L’wren.” Taylor ticked the names off on his fingers. “I can’t loose you too.”
    Bekkah was crying harder now. The sobs were escaping her lips weather she wanted them to or not.
    How could she tell him no? How could she just walk away from him? Why was it so hard to do the right thing?
    “Maybe… Maybe… I could come with you!” Taylor said suddenly. “We could leave together. We could go to Paite. I could see my sisters, and my brother, and my niece, and L’wren… I could see them all.”
    But, Bekkah was shaking her head. It couldn’t be that way and they both knew it. Taylor’s parents had already lost three of their children, and their grandchild.  They couldn’t loose the only child who had decided to stay with them. Taylor had to stay in Lucielle.
    “You have to stay…”
    “Why?”
    “Don’t play dumb, Taylor, you and I both know that you couldn’t do that to your parents.”
    Taylor shook his head. “They would understand. If they only knew what was going on. They would want me to be with you.”
    Bekkah nodded slowly. She could see Taylor’s point. His parents would want him to take responsibility. They would be upset if they ever found out their son had a child. They would want him to step up.
    “Taylor, I dunno…” Bekkah trailed off, running her fingers through her platinum blonde curls. “Would it really be right for you to leave you family. You’re the only one they have left.”
    Taylor shook his head and spat. “Just because my parents family fell apart doesn’t mean that mine has to.”
    “Right,” Bekkah nodded. “Your family-your parents-they want you to stay behind. You can’t let your family fall apart.” Bekkah knew that she was missing the point. Taylor wanted to stay with her. He wanted to be the father if her baby in more ways then just biological. He wanted a place in the baby’s life. He wanted a place in her life.
    Bekkah could hardly stand to watch Taylor tear himself apart the way he was right then. His blue-green eyes were watering just like they had been the first time they had met. He looked so genuinely upset. Bekkah couldn’t stand to think that she had hurt Taylor.
    He had gotten her through everything.
    Bekkah was alive because of Taylor. He had saved her that day on the air plane.
    What a poor way to re-pay him.
    Bekkah gulped and pulled herself to her feet. “Taylor,” She choked out. “I’m going to Paite, and I-I want you to stay behind… Goodbye.”
    With that, Bekkah turned on her heal and fled from the room. Leaving Taylor alone on the mattress.
    She had to do what was right for her baby. No questions asked.   

 

Reviews

[Arc Moore]

Very good. I can feel the power of emotions being intricately placed into a unique beginning of a story. I very much enjoyed this piece, most particularly because the reaction of the young girl seems so real and uplifting. Though there are a few grammatical errors, as you have noted above, I feel you are an experienced young writer with an unearthly talent. I'm joyous I stumbled upon this, and would definitely tune in to more if you post another chapter.

Best regards,

ARC

[Shayde Carttr]

Veeeeerrrrryy enjoyable.
Through your writing, you express -well- certain feelings that can camoflauge with the specified setting.
This chapter shows how powerful pregnancy can wreck a teenager's life, and what you must do to protect your unborn child. You can capture the mood of this: scared, unknowing, unaware, but determined to do what is . . . right. Your writing takes a modern problem [teenage pregnancy, for instance] and turns it into something that includes suspense, excitement, with a hint of fright.

Weeeeelllll done. Hope to read more soon.
Dayne.