Draft 1 for story 1 of "The Elenore Jordan Chronicles"

ummm...... did this one for creative writing class. Yes, yes. I know. Typos. Typos. Typos. Spelling. Spelling. Spelling. Un-resolved plot problems. Yes. Remember, this is DRAFT 1! It's about a very cold hearted girl, and the bad thing that she does. It is

         My sister is, Aurora Marx. She is three years old, today. She has brown hair and blue eyes. She was two feet and eight inches tall the last time we measured. She weighs thirty pounds. And, she loves to play puppy.

        My sister is pretty normal, She likes to eat ice cream, and play in the park and watch "SpongeBob Square Pants" for hours on end. 

        She likes to go to her friend Hayley's house, as long as my mom stays too. She loves her pre-school teacher too. 

        My sister is very trusting, as well. She will tell you any secret, and believe that you will never tell. She will let you bandage her knee, and know that you will not hurt her, further. She never tells a lie, because she thinks you can hande the truth. 

        But, my sister is naive. And, I think that's the reason she got away.

        Aurora Elenore Marx's picture is in every store window, it is taped to every light post, and glued to our car's back window.

        And, so is his.

        Jonathan Values was her teacher. He was twenty-five years old, he had red hair and brown eyes. He was six-foot-two feet tall and weighed 184 pounds. And, he loved to teach pre-school more than anything in the world.        

        Jonathan Values was very normal. He graduated  college when he was twenty four. He had a steady girlfriend, name Alison. He liked to visit his nephew Jeremy on weekends and play basketball at the recreation center on fridays after school. He was involved in his church and helped out with the Sunday school that I went to when I was young. He did community service when he had a chance. And, sometimes he would fly down to California to visit his sister, Jen. 

        That's the first clue.

        I sit in the back of the bus. My knapsack at my feet.

        My name is Valerie Marx. I am fourteen years old. I am five-foot-two, and I have blonde hair and blue eyes. 

        I'm fairly normal. I got to school at Rock water high. I'm a cheerleader, and I am in the choir. I pend my weekends with my best friend, Daisy. I go to church like all the kids in town. I like to watch old movies, and eat marsh mellows. Frankly, I'm pretty boring. I've never had much of a story. 

        Up until last fall.

        On September ninth at approximately four-fifty-five P.M. my sister, Aurora was abducted by her school teacher, leaving nothing more than a mere note from Mr. Values. In this letter, Jonathan Values stated that if we wanted to find Aurora, we would have to look 'In the Hidden'

        For months on end my mother and father sat around the table, long after I was supposed to be asleep, and tried to figure out this riddle. That all stopped in the Spring when he police called off the search. 

        My mother was furious. My father was out raged.

        But, no one was more hurt than I was.

        My sister Aurora Marx, is three years old today. And-I hate her more than anyone alive.

        I reach my hand into my bag feel the reassuring cool touch of metal. My gun.

        I had bought the gun two weeks before now, in preperation for this very day. 

        I knew what I had to do. I had figured out the riddle, and I was going to solve it myself.

        They say to keep your friends close, and our enemies closer.

        But, I don't have any friends anymore, and all my enemies ran off last fall.

        So, I am seeking them out, now. I will flay them alive, and if they protest they will die faster.

        I am not scared of what I may find in Hidden Hills California. No. I am more afraid of what I will do. 

        I am not going to Hidden Hills to find my sister and bring her home. I wont comfort the small toddler when I find her body crumpled and beaten in Mr. Values closet. I wont soothe her pain. Or, help take the stress of her young vulnerable soul. She may think that she is saved when she sees the face of her formerly loving sister standing in the doorway to the closet where she lays, broken and crying.

        But, she is mistaken

        With my gun in my hand I will make the dicision. And, I am scared.

        The bus pulls up. 

        I walk out into the night, and look at the address I have on the back of a crumpled phone-book page.

        Value bank.

        My sister is hidden there. In one of the vaults, she lays awake, late in the night, dreading what will happen to her tomorrow.

        What will mister Values do to her next? 

        As, I step off the bud, I feel the last of whatever innocents I still had falling away. I was no longer a fourteen-year-old girl. 

        Life is like a card game. Play the wrong card and you lose. Play your ace, and your a winner. There is no middle ground. I've played my fair share of card games in my life and I have never been any good, I always lose the first round, and I don't think I was ever dealt an ace. I guess I just never had that luck

        But, this is my time. This was my place. And, this is where I would play my ace.

        I walk along the quiet street, my gun in my hand, looking for Value bank.

        2714... 2715.... 2716.... 2717.... 2717... and a half.

        This is it. This is Value bank. My sister lays on the cold stone floor just through the door. 

        Do I really want to do this?

        Do I really want to put myself in this danger? What i I get caught? What if I get hurt? What if someone hears me? Will they report me? Will I go to jail?

        I shake the questions from my head. None of that matters now.

        I load my gun, and place my finger on the trigger. I reach for the door nob, it is unlocked. 

        I walk into a dark room, and search for the light, when I find it. I realize that the light will no turn on. Then I realize that this bank is no longer in buisness, and is full of rats.

        "Hello?" I ask.

        What am I expecting? Mr. Values? My sister? Why do I not feel trapped.

        My finger tightens on the trigger.

        "Mr. Values. You called me here and, I'm here now. Come out."

        Why does he not answer me.

        A dim light becomes visible down the long narrow hall. I do not know what to expect. 

        I hold my gun in front of me now, protecting myself. I am armed.

        It is not Mister Values. It is a woman.

        "Help me." She hisses, trying to grab at my knee.

        I shrug her off. She is rat meat to me. I need to see Mr. Values, and maybe my sister.

        "Where is Jonathan Values?" I asked calmly.

        The woman's eyes widen in fear. "You don't ant to see him, child. He will hurt you like he hurt us all."

        I kneel own to meet the woman's scared eyes.

        "What does Mr. Values do to you?" I ask.

        The woman shudders, "He burns us with his brands, as if we are cows. He keeps us here in the dark. He stuck pins in a child's eyes once, and made her go blind. He beats us and batters us with clubs. He tells us our family is dead. He tells us bad things. Mr. Values tells us that the world is over, and that we are his slaves."

        The woman sobbed slightly, and than yelled in furry.

        "What is it?" I ask. I am trying not to let my voice break.

        "Jonathan burned my cheeks with a lighter. My tears are painful. They sting me." 

        I sigh. She is beyond repair.

        "Do you know a small girl names Aurora?" I ask her.

        The woman sniffs and nods. "The girl we call, Elenore, she is Mr. Values favourite toy."

        I have to control myself, so I do not shudder.

        "What does he do to her?" I ask.

        The woman glups loudly. "Horrible things. I can't even say."

        I look at the woman laying face first on the dusty floor. She is not a person. I think to myself. She is a nightmare, and in a few hours, once this is done, I can forget all about her.

        "Where is Mr.Values?" I asked again, this time more firm.eally hated it her

        "He is down the hall... in the... lair... probably with Elenore. But, i warn you, child turn and leave now, or you will be stuck here like the res of us... forever."

        "Don't worry about me." I say. And, i take off down the hall.

        Sprinting now, I try to block out the memory of the woman who I could not sympathize with. 

        If he really hated it here, why didn't she just take a stand and leave? I think.

        One thing that I must remember is strength. This is my time. I remind myself. This is my place. And this is the day I will emerge from grace, and become what I must. 

        I have to finish what was started last fall. I do not care about all the other women that lay down in this pit, dying, and withering away. They are trash to me. Their lived are easy to throw out.

        "Mr. Values?" I ask quietly, searching for the farmilliar face.

        This was the face that my sister had loved, his was the person that my mother had sent a christmas card too, This was the man that my dad had played golf with last summer. 

        It is difficult to imagine that this same man is the man that is running all of this. 

        We had really cared and respected this man, and all the while he had been running this place.

        Value's bank was not  place to withdraw money, or take out a loan. It was the home of a sick-minded man who thought of everyone else as toys, and animals. He knew nothing. He was the naive one. 

        And, now he stands in front of me, his brown eyes wide. Is it surprise? Or dismay? Why does he look so shocked.

        I hold the gun in front of me.

        "I need my sister." I say, clearly.

        I watch him, waiting for his expression to change. He stayed looking moderately shocked.

        "Why?" He asked. "You never seemed to care for her when she was yours."

        I growl, slightly. "She still is mine."

        Jonathan sneers, "People who come here belong to me." He says, and then adds, "You included." 

        I try not to let the fear take over. 

        "Where is Aurora?" I demand, my gun pointed at his chest.

        Jonathan holds his hands up in surrender.

        "She is just through the door," He says, yet he does not move. He is like wall, blocking my way into the room where I knew my sister was.

        "Aurora?" I call, directing my voice over Jonathan's shoulder.

        "She only goes by Elenore now." Mr. values replies.

        "Aurora?" I call again, ignoring him.

        "Valerie?" I hear a quiet voice shout from somewhere behind Jonathan.

        "Be quiet, Elenore!" Mr. Values shouted.

        This enrages me, "Shut up!" I scream and swing my fist around to hit, Jonathan in the face. He staggers back for a moment, wiping the blood off his nose.

        I look around to see a large crowd of dirty, wounded women are watching.

        "Sophia! Anne! Jaroldine! Get out of here!" Mr. Values shouts at the women. They exchange looks of fear and retreat.

        Jonathan looks me in the eyes, he is trying to look tough to scare me off. But, I see right through him. He is afraid of me, I can tell, I hold the gun after all, and I threw the first punch.

        "I. Only. Want. My. Sister." I pant. 

        Jonathan raises his eyebrow.

        "I kid you not." I say, "Give me Aurora and I will leave, and ne ver tell a soul of what you've done"I said, it is not a lie. I will keep his secret. I only want Aurora.

        "Why do you want the child?" He asks. This sets me off. 

        I hold the gun up.

        "Aurora, get up against the wall!" I shout to my sister who is beyond my libne of vision in this dark hall. I do not want to hurt he when I shoot.

        This time.

        "Why do you want your sister so badly?" He asks again.

        I stare at him, failing my foe with my gaze.

        I pull the trigger.

        For a moment I see shock in his eyes, but his eyes are dead now. Holding no life, no power, and no hatred.

        I walk over to his corpse and stomp of his skull, letting my own hatred evaporate like his soul, and sink into hell, where they belong.

        "Aurora?" I call again, this time I see her.

        She is huddled against the wall, just as I thought. She is broken and bloody, she is crying and shivering laying weak in her tattered clothes. Her small head against the cold floor. Too anyone else this would look like tragedy. To me it looked like victory.

        "Valerie?" She asks hopefully.

        "Get up." I command, coldly.

        "I-I-I can't" She cries. "He's broken my leg."

        Rage flares through me, how dare she not obey my commands. "I said get up, you mongrel!" I shout. 

        She whimpers, but, tries to stand.

        "Carry me?" She pleads, the  way that she used to with my mother.

        "No." I spit.

        I watch as the tiny girl tries, with all her strength to get to her feet, sobbing as she tries.

        She falls.

        I smile.

        "I said, get up!" I shout. "Get up or I'll leave you and never come back."

        "Valerie." She moans, her small eyes looking at me, "I hurt too much."

        She collapses to the floor and passes out.

        I sigh. And turn to leave her. She had her chance, but, before I can cros the doorway where Jonathan Values' corpse lays, Aurora awakens.

        "Wait, ValVal, don't go." She uses her pet name for me. Trying to get me to give in.

        "You stupid, ugly, monster!" I scream at the small child and walk over to her. 

        I stomp on her small face, making blood spew from her tiny nose.

        "Help!" She screams. "Stop it, Valerie, stop!"

        "Never!" I hiss.

        "What did I do?" She asks.

        I bring my foot down on her stomach, making her wheeze and throw up on the floor.

        "You. Ruined. My. Life." I shout, following each word with a stomp on her broken leg.

        She screams. "Why? ValVal?" She asks.

        I never want to think about it. Aurora ruined my life, but I don't like to think about it. I never tell anyone how. I just take my anger out on her small beaten body. The hows, and whys don't matter any more. This is the end.

        "Someone help! Help!" She screams. 

        But, I know that no one will come to help the small girl. They are all accustomed to hearing calls for help, but they were also accustomed to knowing that they could do nothing. They were helpless here in Value bank.

        I look down at the small face as I trample it. She looks like me. She sounds like me. She even thinks like me.

        But, there is one that is different between us:

        I am good. And Aurora is evil

                               ****6 HOURS LATER****

        We stand in front of the Hidden Hills foster home.

        "Remember, Aurora, your name is Elenore Jordan." I say. "You are three years old, and you have no mommy or daddy."

        She nods, tears running down her cheeks.

        "Why are you doing this ValVal?" She begs. "Why don't you just take me home?"

        I glare at her.

        "Because you don't get a second chance. And," I pause, "I do."

        Aurora nods. 

        She starts to walk towords the foster home where she will live for the rest of her pathetic, and retched little life.

        I catch her by the shoulder.

        "And remember." I say roughly, "You have no sister."

 

        

Author's Note

This is for an older teenage audience. It is quite violent, and I was actually asked not to read it in creative writing class because some of the content is very adult. Anyway... What do you think?

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