Psychic Torture

Actually, I have a feeling that this is not my real life. I am now a changed being. Am like a visible disembodied soul of a dead person. I am under a spell that cannot be changed by reversal. As a matter of fact, such a calamity or cataclysm has taken away the joys of my life. My hands are in cuffs for something I could have avoided. This is too much. I am exhausted by misery and grief. My good reputation has died in vain. I do not really know how I ended up in this mess.

All I can tell you now is that I am really unwell. I am always thinking into the worlds’ pleasances, freedom and suffering. I am always putting myself into a condition of mental preoccupation whereby an idea influences my mind and holds the attention. I am failing to control my once gorgeous mind. I once took control of the keys that command my mind. Unfortunately, the situation has turned unexpectedly… the mind seizing control of its possessor. I am physically and mentally weak. Oh! I am now a victim of mental unsoundness.

I really do not know. Even those first year students at the college of medicine do not really know the name of this illness bothering me. I am not a doctor, and I did not major in any medical specialty. I did not study the branches of medical science that deals with surgical and nonsurgical competences. I am just a freak desperately looking for help. But how can I get the much needed help if I am not visiting a physician? Yeah! My mind is corrupted and that is the principal understanding. With the help from the internet, I almost got a little knowledge of my malady. “Wow… I am a psychopathic…psychopathologic…psychopathological being,” I mussitated.

Recently, I have had terrible nightmares. I feel the pain of loneliness than before. I wish my friends knew the suffering I am going through, now. I am a stranger in an unknown land. I am in terra incognita, an unknown zone where survival of the fittest is the rule of law. Individuals do not care whether one succeeds or not. It does not matter to them; they only pursue their own interest. This is the battle that one may meet. I am in this unexplored region now and it is time to make things better again.

I do not know where I am going. I am just a captive of agony and excruciation. The mind is so strong than its owner. Wait! I am falling and dying. There is no chance of escaping unless I mastermind myself. I risk losing everything if I do not take hold of those keys again. My life is empty. Those sweet talks will not make me better because I am in my own universe.

Geez! I now have emotions of dislike just as in that former world. I hate this unknown zone, not that it is unknown but because of the suffering I am going through. I wish I were superhuman. Maybe I could have conquered this derangement. I could have fixed the mussiness that others and I are failing to suppress. I think, circumstantially, there is a reason behind this condition. Yeah! This is my war and fight. And I am going to survive and live.

 In a hopeful manner, I am going to pass through this psychic tribulation even if it means using all of the available resources. In any conflict, there is one winner and one loser. The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph and I am now set for that clip.

As I surfed through the World Wide Web, I found something peculiar about my condition. Truthfully, I was suffering from mental illness; Psychosis, a mental disorder in which contact with reality is lost and highly destroyed. I had no other choice than to visit the psychotherapist. At first, it was difficult to put my mental synthesis together. Indeed, it is better to be late than never. Finally, I visited the clinical psychologist and received the required treatment. The degree of impairment was worse than I thought. Nonetheless, I was happy to be alive and kicking.

Yup! I am a hero now and that struggle is over. I have gained my real life back and I am proud to live among my folks. I am back to where I belong and it is time to continue where I stopped.

Reviews

[emilydeibler]

I really like the voice of the piece, and I think you perfectly captured the struggle of mental illness as well -- the dissonance between knowing you're unwell and yet not being able to fully control the thoughts. There's definitely the feelings of detachment from reality and the frustration. Great work, and thanks for sharing!

[Chiko]

Thanks for your review...