Your Baby Blues

Little poem I wrote while feeling cozy and tired, while listening to Zion T (also...the feels )

Time stops for a moment

Ticking to the rhythm of your heartbeat

As I melt into your baby blues

Gravity has no hold

With you there is no cold

We'll be drifting into space

Warm and safe in this embrace

Hold me tender, kiss me sweet

My heart soars and my soul leaps

Then time moves on

Author's Note

The puppies signify warmth, cuteness, and general awesomeness lol

Reviews

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

I'm not sure I agree with this being Cheesy.

I loved the rhythm someone eels might
dissagree.

Nicely penned.

God bless Benita

[Chidoriflower]

Thank you very much, Benita. God bless

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're welcome :)

[Davidgeo]

Cheese... this is straight cheese.

"Gravity has no hold
With you there is no cold"

That couplet made me cringe when I read it.


You open and close very well though. Get rid of those cheeseball rhymes in between you might have something.

[Chidoriflower]

If you thought that was cheese you should see rest of my poetry. But thank you very much.
Thank you, HansJIzzy

[Chidoriflower]

That was very constructive I'll work on it :)

[Davidgeo]

Just because it's cheese to me doesn't mean it's bad. It had enough of an effect on me to say something. I think you're on the right track with this one. I'll read more of you. Maybe... I smoke a lot of grass I might forget... it wasn't that good baby doll.

[Davidgeo]

Oh yeah, the "baby blues...." line, that's what I liked best I think. Well, not the line but the device. "Melt into your baby blues", it's not wholly original but it is a damn fine play and no one really uses it these days. I think Bobby Darin did a song way back when about hazel eyes... of course Van Morrison and his Brown Eyed Girl.... Eyeballs man, they are not talked about enough. Roland Deschain and his bombardier blue eyes.... if you're a Dark Tower fan you'll get what I'm sprayin