pardon my pride

Maybe its true
I follow my own rules
And I don't have a clue to what it means to be you
And dwell in your world
And be that girl who smokes and drinks and hurls it
Night after night
With no value for anything deeper
To laugh and squeal and be merry
To hide all the things that run deep inside
Or delete them so they don't reside
Or even appear
In my perfect little happy world
Maybe you could teach me how to do that
How I cannot feel and be sad and cry
Be so distressed,I feel uncomfortable in my own skin
Be so worried my heart cant ever find its resting beat
So alert to hurt
That I run to protect my feelings
Only to break my own heart
cuz I realise I have been a coward

How can I not be human
When this soul is still embedded in my body
How can I resort to your version of normality
When joy and anger and pain
Run through me
In indescribable intangible forms that amaze and overwhelm
at the same time
How do you feel real joy
when those harsh pangs of pain haven't hit you
Or appreciate humour
when you've never cried yourself to sleep.
Or love a friend unconditionally
When you haven't lost someone
I ask my self who's really 'living a little'
The one who has delved deep into her emotions
Or the one that decided to act like they aren't there.

Author's Note

This... I don't know where this came from or if I think I'm right. I wont really classify as poetry. But it was fun to write. Pls share your thoughts if you have any.