Laughter and Memories

Barney lifted his glass of gin with the 4 olives drowning at the bottom.

“I did say I was going to curtail my drinking; yes, I did…but I didn’t say when, nor did I say why…That’s about all you’re going to get from me…”

He was waiting for the switch to go off in his head, a phrase he borrowed from a Tennessee Williams’ play “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” when the character of Brick was describing the feeling he got from drinking.

“Was it Big Daddy he was talking to…or Maggie?”

“Who cares?”

“I know you don’t care. I was talking to myself…”

“Pathetic,” Marjorie muttered, loud enough for Barney to hear her.

“I am pathetic. Was that something that just came to you, or has that thought been rattling around in your brain for some time now…? Take your time before you answer….”

“I’m not going to take my time. I’m not going to answer it at all. I’m done answering. I’ve done all the answering I could do in one lifetime…Why don’t you answer your question since you’re talking to yourself?”

“Because I don’t wanna listen to anything I have to say anymore…”

“Well, join the club, buddy.”

“Okay, I will. I have.”

“Why don’t you want to listen to anything you have to say?”

“Stop…”

“What am I doing? What am I doing?”

“Can you just go f**k yourself?”

“Okay, fine, I don’t give a s**t. You want to die? Go ahead and die. It’s none of my concern.”

“We used to be so good for each other.”

Marjorie laughed. “Oh, when?”

“Back in the day. When things weren’t so…”

Barney couldn’t or wouldn’t finish his thought. His patience was thinning.

“Back in what day? When things weren’t so what? You’re such a pain in the a*s. You never finish your sentences. You just trail off into nowhere, hoping whoever you’re talking to can just fill in the rest…”

“Back when we still gave a s**t about each. Before things got so complicated and s****y…”

“Oh, I wonder why that happened? This clearly is not working. Nor has it ever worked. I don’t even know why I’m still here.”

“Because you don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“I’ll find someplace, trust me. Far the f**k away from you. Far as I can go. The one thing you could never give me was you. That’s the problem. Even when you fucked me, I never felt like you were there. It was like you were phoning it in. You never had anything to give! Forget about me. Anyone. You’re just a selfish prick; that’s all you’ve ever been. It’s all about you you you.”

“Mmmm.”

“You can’t even defend yourself, you’re so wrapped up in your own s**t.”

“I gotta go, man…”

“Go ahead and go! I do not need you anymore. You’re just a f****n’…mmmm. Go!”

Barney looked at the olives at the bottom of his glass and rolled them around. He let out a big sigh. It sounded like a tiny wind blowing through Marjorie’s soul. And then he started to cough that awkward alcoholic cough, which led to him gagging and spitting up all down the front of his shirt.

“Gross,” Marjorie said.

“I need something light to eat, like a cracker. You got any?”

“I don’t.”

“Is there anything I can have?”

“I need to go shopping.”

“You’re always going shopping.”

Marjorie just sat there. She was so tired. Her joints hurt, and her muscles were sore from running. Why can he never get out of the chair and leave? He always lingers like he’s waiting for me to change my mind about staying with him, f*****g him, giving him some money. Those goddamn days were over. “Will you please just get the hell out of here? I’m going to bed.” She got up, grabbed her purse, opened it, and took out a pack of cigarettes. “I can’t take this s**t anymore. Please leave me alone. Please!”

Barney got up. “I’m going,” Barney said, looking for his coat. “Where’s my coat?”

“You didn’t bring it in. It’s probably in your car.”

“Okay, lemme just say this…”

“Oh God, why can’t you just leave? Jesus Christ, you always have one more thing to say…”

“I just want to say this…”

“Say it! God****t!”

“Let’s give each other some time. Can we just chill out for a while, see how it goes? See how we are after we’ve cooled off.”

“We’re over, man. You f****n’ don’t get it. It’s over, Barney? It’s f*****g over! Jesus Christ. How much longer….why the the f**k do you insist on prolonging s**t? My God, you’re like a frightened little child. Always one more thing. Always can we chill out? See how it goes? It’s not going anywhere, man. When will you understand that?”

Barney stood there, looking at the ground. “I have such anger,” he said quietly.

“Yes, you do.”

He blew a breath out of his mouth. “So tired…”

“So am I…”

Barney closed his eyes as Marjorie lit a cigarette. “I’m going home. I need to take a hero dose of mushrooms. I wanna see colors…” Opening his eyes, he watched Marjorie take a hit from the cigarette. He couldn’t stop thinking about her lips, her hair, the way she used to moan whenever she sucked him off. All of that was over. All of her perfect imperfections he fell in love. They were all gone.

“I’ll call you…or text you….or not.”

He finally let himself out.

Marjorie flicked the ashes from her cigg into the top of a prescription drug cap on the kitchen counter.

She locked the door and went to bed.

 

 

Reviews

[Dessi]

Oh, baby, I love the realistic sound of this...the way she flicks her ashes into the perscription bottle cap just tops it.
I think you're so freaking awesome and your writing is simply undiscovered...yet.

Keep at it. You just get better and better.