rapture & anhedonia

[Evening. A porch. MARY sits musing on the moon. When she hears steps, she rises quickly. Enter WARREN, carrying groceries.]

Mary:  You're wearing leather pants.

Warren:  I am.

Mary:  You're fifty-five years old...

Warren:  I sure am...

Mary:  I don't like leather pants on men your age...

Warren:  I know you don't...

Mary:  Then why do you wear them?

Warren:  Because I like them.

Mary:  I think they make you look foolish.

Warren:  I know you do.

Mary:  A man your age should be wearing a nice pair of slacks.  I think leather is tacky at your age.  They're for rock stars and prostitutes and lowlifes.

Warren:  [subject needs to be changed desperately]  So how was your day, Mom?

Mary:  [without much]  It was okay.

Warren:  Do anything fun and interesting?

Mary:  [sharply]  No.

Warren:  Watch any good movies?

Mary:  No!

Warren:  Did you make a nice lunch for yourself?

Mary:  [matter of fact]  I had left over meat loaf and mashed potatoes and string beans.  [sarcastic]  Yummy.

Warren:  Sounds it.

Mary:  The toilet won't flush.

Warren:  What's wrong with it?

Mary:  You're asking me what's wrong?

Warren:  What's it doing?  [catches himself] Sorry.  I'll take a look at it.

Mary:  It's not flushing, that's what it's doing.  Or not doing.  The thingamabob, the whuchacallit inside the tank, it's not doing whatever it's supposed to be doing.  I'm not a plumber.  I don't even know what the hell you're talking about.

Warren:  I'll take care of it.

Mary:  [looking strangely at him]  You're not Warren.

Warren:  I'm sorry?

Mary:  Warren is dead.

Warren:  No, I am Warren and Warren is very much alive and well.  Are you feeling okay?  Have you taken your meds?

Mary:  My meds?  That's an awfully catty thing to say.

Warren:  [consults his watch]  It's nine-thirty.  You were supposed to take them after dinner.   Did you?

Mary:  [thinking]  I didn't have dinner tonight.  It was cancelled.

Warren:  Evelyn was supposed to come over and fix your dinner.  Did she not?

Mary:  Evelyn wouldn't know a stove if it bit her on her a*s.

Warren:  So Evelyn didn't come over?

Mary:  Oh she came over, alright.  The heffer...

Warren:  Did she make dinner for you?

Mary:  If you can call it that.

Warren:  What did she make you?

Mary:  She made me mad.

Warren:  Besides that.  She said she was going to make you a vegetarian dish because you said you're wanting to eat more vegetarian or something?

Mary:  [her mood changes quickly; she's now almost girlish and joyful]  Yes, there's a good bit of vegitation in the garden this year.  It's going to be a bountiful harvest.  I've planted tomatos and squash and zucchini and cucumbers and eggplant and what else did I plant?  Pumpkins?  Did I plant pumpkins?  Watermelons?  Sunflowers!  I planted sunflowers!  Oh they're so beautiful.  I can't wait for them bloom.  Oh and I planted string beans.  It's going to be a very good year, I can feel it, Charlie.

Warren:  Warren.

Mary:  [this stops her; she becomes depressed]  Oh... Where's Charlie?

Warren:  He's in Philadelphia, Mom.

Mary:  Why is he in Philadelphia?

Warren:  Because he lives there.

Mary:  Why would anyone want to live in Philadelphia?

Warren:  Well, he moved to Philadelphia because of his job, remember?  He's a doctor.

Mary:  [with dread]  I hate doctors.

Warren:  But you like this doctor because he's your son.

Mary:  I have two sons.

Warren:  Yes, you do.

Mary:  Charlie and... [trying to remember]

Warren:  Warren.

Mary:  [didn't have to tell her]  I know that!

Warren:  [good natured]  I thought you forgot about me there for a minute.

Mary:  [shooing some bugs]  It's so buggy out here.  I'm going inside.  [she stays]

Warren:  [choosing to move on]  Well, I'm going to put these groceries away.  Don't stay out here too long.

Mary:  [as if this is a foreign word]  Groceries?

Warren:  The groceries you asked me to pick up for you?  The milk and the butter and the salt-free substitute?

Mary:  [a thought]  I should be substitute teacher, you know that?  I really think I have a lot of talent for that.  Just do it a few days a week.  I would like to teach english.  I love to write.  How would I go about applying for something like that, Charlie?

Warren:  [ignoring the "Charlie" slip]  Well, I suppose you'd have to go online, see if they're hiring for substitute teachers.  But I can't really see you...

Mary:  [defensive]  Can't see me what?

Warren:  You don't even like kids, Mom.

Mary:  I love kids, what are you talking about?  I've always loved kids.  I had two kids.  You and... [thinking]

Warren:  I know, but I just don't think, at this point in your life, that it's such a good idea...

Mary:  At this point in my life.  At what point in my life am I?  What a ridiculous thing to say.  I think I would make a darn good substitute teacher.  I love to write.  I read all the time.  I watch all those documentaries about all the famous writers on P.B.S.  I mean what is there to hold me back?

Warren:  Your health, for one thing.

Mary:  I feel fine.  I've never felt better.  I'm planting marigolds and petunias.  I have an herb garden.  Rosemary, thyme, sage, catmint, hyssop. I don't know why everyone is so worked up about me.  I'm fine.  I have my books, my knitting, my movies, "General Hospital", my books... [stops suddenly, pauses, then softly]  Martin.

Warren:  [ignores]   You need me to do anything before I leave, Mom?

Mary:  Where are you going?

Warren:  I'm going home.

Mary:  I thought this was your home.

Warren:  [trying to keep his patience with his mother in check has become a constant struggle for Warren these days, but he manages to maintain his sense of humor in this instance]   Well, hell, I'll be glad to move back in now... will you do my laundry for me?

Mary:  If you stopped messing around and got married, you wouldn't need me to do your laundry... it's shameful for a man your age to still be single...

Warren:  It's all in how you look at it, Mom... and I don't mess around...

Mary:  Never did know just how to motivate you.  Even your brother...

Warren:  [waiting for more]  Even my brother what?

Mary:  ...Had no influence on you at all.  Your father and I were hoping that once you saw what he was able to accomplish that it might have some sort of impact on you... but you went the other way... I don't know what way you went, but it was definitely the other way...

Warren:  [good naturedly, with just a slight edge]  To Hell in a handbasket, right, Mom?  Isn't that what you always used to say about me?  "Goin' to hell in a handbasket!"  [chuckles]

Mary:  You certainly did. 

Warren:  [another slight chuckle]  You're a funny old broad, Mom, that's all I got to say about you.  Let me put these away.  [goes inside]

Mary:  ...No direction at all... just whatever way the wind blew you... and we tried not to be the kinds of parents who would constantly point out the virtues of your sibling... and I'm pretty sure we didn't... 'cause your father and I believed that actions spoke louder than words... well, we figured out pretty early on that you just didn't give a good damn about how well your brother did in school... or how hard he worked to get into medical school... so we let you find your own way... but you were a stubborn little thing and had to march to the beat of a different drummer... and so you flitted from place to place and girlfriend to girlfriend... one day you were a Christian, the next day a Buddhist, the day after that an Atheist... Lord knows we couldn't figure you out... Finally, your father said, "Let God handle him."  So that's what we did... but you know what they say... God helps those who help themselves... Twenty-five years later, you still don't want to help yourself, you're still wanting to do things your way...and God and I are still waiting for a miracle...

Warren:  [off]  You know, I can hear ya ramblin'!

Mary:  Good!  Maybe it'll get you off that couch!

Warren:  [off]  Would you stop worrying about me?

Mary:  I would love to stop worrying about you.  Soon as you stop doing the things that make me worry about you, then maybe I'll stop worrying about you... You must admit you're not the most stable person in the world.  When's the last time you went to church, for example?

Warren:  [comes back onto the porch]  I don't go to church, Mom, I've told you...

Mary:  Why don't you go to church?

Warren:  Why do you go to church?

Mary:  Because it's the right thing to do.

Warren:  But how do you know it's the right thing to do?  [frustrated, throwing up his hands]  I- can't-I-can't- I can't do this.  We've been through this a billion times.  It doesn't matter.

Mary:  It matters to me a whole lot.

Warren:  Yeah but it's like, you know, you have your beliefs, I have mine...

Mary:  But you don't believe at all;  how can you say you have beliefs?

Warren:  That's not my point...

Mary:  Don't you want us all to be reunited forever in God's glorious heavenly kingdom?  [Warren could really take this somewhere, but he restrains himself]   Well, don't you?...

Warren:  It's not gonna happen, I'm sorry.

Mary:  You're darn right it's not gonna happen; until you accept what He says to be true.  You're right!  I've been telling you this for how long?   Charlie...

Warren:  Warren!  [aside]  Jesus Christ!

Mary:  Warren!

Warren:  I'm sorry, I know you're not doing it on purpose.  I know it's a symptom of the dementia and I need to remind myself of that. 

Mary:  Dementia?  I wish you people would stop making such a fuss over every little thing I say or do.  My goodness.  Just because I'm a little older... so I'm a little forgetful; suddenly I have dementia...?  Please... Why isn't Warren here?

Warren:  I'm Warren...

Mary:  The other one, why isn't he here?

Warren:  Charlie?

Mary:  Don't mock me!

Warren:  I wasn't mocking you!

Mary:  You know very well who I mean.

Warren:  He's in Philadelphia.

Mary:  Why is he in Philadelphia?

Warren:  He works there.

Mary:  I don't know why he's living there.  We have a perfectly good hospital here.  He's had nothing but scorn for me ever since he moved to - where-ever-the-hell he moved.  The other Atheist.  How in God's name did that happen?  Twice!  Your father and I, we tried to do everything right.  We sent you to parochial school.  Every Sunday you were in church.  You were choirboys, for God's sakes.  How did this happen?  How did my boys develop such impure hearts?  Why don't you just submit your life to God?  He knows you better than you could ever know yourself;  He has plans for you and knows exactly what you need every day, before you ever do-

Warren:  Mom, enough! 

Mary:  I don't understand why you continue to thumb your nose at the promise of everlasting life in Heaven.  Or why you cling so hard to these crazy ideas of yours.  We raised you as believers and now I don't what you believe... [tearing up]  ...and it just breaks my heart to know that my sons may not be there in Heaven with us... [a recollection]  I'll never forget the day your father came to Christ... which was no easy feat, considering he was Jewish...

Warren:  Well, he really wasn't all that Jewish, though, was he, Mom?

Mary:  Of course he was...

Warren:  I mean his family never really acknowledged the fact that they were Jewish;  they never observed any of the Jewish holidays, never attended synagogue...

Mary:  Well... my theory is... that over the years his family became... how should I say this...? More receptive to the idea of placing their faith in Jesus... I know your father certainly did... the day he took communion during Christmas mass...?  I about fell out of the pew, I was so shocked...But he said something just came over him... he felt compelled to take it...... I said, "Martin, do you even know why we partake in communion?"  He said, "Yes, Mary.  We take it to remember Christ and the body and blood that He shed for us."  I said, "Are you sure you're prepared to live daily with Christ?  This is a huge commitment.  A daily commitment."  He said, "Mary, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain..."  From that point on he was a believer!  ...God is good.

Warren:  But how did his family feel about him converting to Christianity?

Mary:  [with a slight shrug]  They were fine with it.

Warren:  You didn't try to perform a mass conversion on the whole family, now, did you?

Mary:  [slightly defensive]  I didn't have to.  They never said anything, but I could tell they saw the light of Jesus.

Warren:  Yeah, how could you tell...?

Mary:  A Believer can always recognize another Believer.

Warren:  [shakes his head in amazement of his mother; a bemused smile appears]  Mmh... and I have nothing more to say. 

Mary:  I wouldn't expect you to...

Warren:  [ignoring]  I'll be over this weekend to mow the lawn... Call me if you need anything.

Mary:  You still seeing that... waitress with all those tattoos?

Warren:  Kelli.  Yes, I'm still seeing her.

Mary:  Mmm, [her turn to shake her head]

Warren:  What is "mmmh?"  Why do you say it like that?  She's a very nice girl.

Mary:  Girl, yes...

Warren:  Woman, excuse me...

Mary:  You said it right the first time... Where does she work again?

Warren:  [knowng what's coming]  Hooters.

Mary:  Mmm...

Warren:  See, this is why I don't bring her around more;  'cause you're so freakin' intolerant...!  You make these snap decis- judgments about people and you don't give them a chance.  Big f*****g deal!  She's got -

Mary:  [overlapping]  Don't you swear in my house!

Warren:  - tattoos and she works at Hooters!  Oh my God!  It's the end of civilization as we know it!  Gimme a break...

Mary:  And how old is she...?

Warren:  She's twenty-seven.

Mary:  And you're... [trying to remember]

Warren:  Forty-five.  That's fine, go ahead and do the math.  And Dad was twelve years older than you, so what?   I know, I know, different times.  And he was so much more mature than me and Charlie and everybody else in my generation...

Mary:  Well he was!  He'd already established himself by the time we'd met.  He'd achieved something.  He had a future.  He could take care of a family. 

Warren:  Right, and his family also had a lot of money; which helped him to secure a future for himself...and for you... and for us... but of course, you didn't know he was gonna blow it all on bad investments like that porn shop across the street from the Presbyterian church or that race horse that died of a heart attack after its first race... other than that, though, the guy was nearly flawless...

Mary:  Stop it...  I hate it when you get sarcastic... usually means you've been drinking...

Warren:  [mostly to himself]  That's one of the better traits I inherited from him...  [his cell phone rings]

Mary:  What did you say?

Warren:  [into phone]  Hello... Hey, Charlie...

Mary:  Is that Charlie?

Warren:  [nods to his mother]  I'm at Mom's.  She asked me to stop by the store, pick up a few things for her.  What's goin' on?

Mary:  Let me talk to him.

Warren:  [holds up a finger, indicating she needs to wait; something's up... he's being told to keep something on the down low]  ...Uh heh, okay... I gotcha... Yeah absolutely, I understand...

Mary:  Let me talk to him!

Warren:  [gesturing for her to be quiet]   Yeah okay, I'll tell her... Yeah everybody's good... Okay, man, we'll see you then...

Mary:  Don't hang up, I want to tell him something!

Warren:  Yep, bye.  [hangs up]

Mary:  Why did you hang up?  I told you I had something to tell him!

Warren:  He was with a patient.  He's coming into town this weekend.

Mary:  Warren?

Warren:  Charlie.  Your other prodigal son.

Mary:  He's coming here?

Warren:  Yes.

Mary:  Why?

Warren:  I don't know;  he didn't go into any details.  He just told me to tell you he'd be here Saturday around noon.

Mary:  Noon Saturday?  That's no good.  I'm getting my hair done.

Warren:  He's still going to be here after you get your hair done, Mom.

Mary:  I don't understand.  Why didn't he want to talk to me?

Warren:  It's not that he didn't wanna talk to you.  He was with a patient.

Mary:  Well, I had something to tell him.  Call him back.

Warren:  I'm not gonna interrupt him.  You can talk to him Saturday. 

Mary:  Well, if you won't call him for me... [gets up]

Warren:  Mom...

Mary:  I have something very important to tell him.

Warren:  What?

Mary:  I don't meddle in your business.  It's between us.  [she goes inside] 

Warren:  [takes his phone out, dials]  Charlie, hey.  Mom's off on another one of her tangents again.  I just wanted to warn you...  It's nothing;  she's just mad because I didn't let her talk to you, so she's pretending she's got something to tell you, I guess, I don't know, I mean, you know how she is.  Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads-up, that's all... No problem.  I'll see you Saturday... Uh heh... [hangs up]

[Mary comes back out onto the porch and just stands there staring out into the night]

Warren:  Did you get him?

Mary:  Who?

Warren:  Charlie.

Mary:  ...Charlie who?

Warren:  Your son.

Mary:  Charlie's dead.

Warren:  No he's not, Mom.  He's going to be here Saturday.  Remember?

Mary:  [a memory stirs her]  ...I remember Saturday's...

[lights fade]