This is exactly right, Glenda. Always had the why question down pat. It was the how question that always left me angry and depressed and what caused my mental dis-ease. 100% I was never a very good networker.
Especially in my younger days. I traveled to LA and New York and just didn't meet the right people or stretched my tentacles. I always fell into that little boy trope of my youth...Philip is quiet, polite, an underachiever, not a go-getter, horrible student. Just did nit have it in me.. I fell on those lies for years and years. Now it's very late and I'm getting so tired, as you said. I became an old man before I was ready. Mahalo, friend.
"Peeking at her toes"...You can't have mistaken that for an absence of libido. That is full libido! I think you are just tired. For a long time you've pursued a dream without really knowing the steps to take to fulfill it. You HAVE the SKILLS! You have been running yourself ragged running down the dream. You're tired because you need to rest. Just clear your mind and rest, Philip. You have a legit cause to just stop and chill until you 'feel' like returning to the grind. I will never turn my back on you as long as you want me as a friend..
I hate writing biographies. I was one of those kids who rode a banana seat bike and watched Saturday morning cartoons and Soul Train. But my mother would never buy any of those sugary cereals for us k.. more..