there were no secrets kept that night

It’s Christmas Eve.  It’s raining.  None of the presents are wrapped.  We’re watching “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer.”  Brittany cries when all of the other reindeer laugh and call Rudolph names.  

Raphael’s roasting chestnuts.  

Chelsea’s reading an article in Teen People about stigmata.

The phone rings.

Nobody answers it.

“I’m at home in almost any environment,” Courtney says after introducing herself as The Castrating B***h.

That’s when I bail on ‘em.

Go upstairs to my bedroom.  Kneel beside my bed unselfconsciously.  Pray for a change.

Knock knock, “You okay?” says an unrecognizable voice.

“Fine!” I say.

“We’re playing Monopoly!  Wanna play?”

I finally place the voice.  It’s Sunshine, the platinum-blond transvestite.

“No thanks!” I say.

Platform shoes walk away.

The wind picks up.

I overhear the following snatch of dialogue in the hallway.

“I have a degree in biology from Vassar… Plants can reproduce sexually or asexually… See?  Tol’ja, I have a degree.”

Outside my window, the carolers have hunkered down.  They’re in their raincoats and standing under golf umbrellas.

“Hark the herald angels sing…”

One of the carolers has forgotten the words.  I open the window.  Fortunately, I don’t slip a disc.  

I start singing.  Basically, on key. Wet, but on key.

The carolers cringe.

Then knock knock.  “We’re going out!” says the chick with the Band-Aid on her chin.

A debacle of epic proportions, I think.

“No thanks!” I say without any guilt.

Galoshes walk away.

In the distance, I hear you explaining Immaculate Conception to 7-year-old Gabriel.

“Mary,” you say. “Was conceived without sin. And Jesus was born to the Virgin Mary through a miraculous act of God…”

Gabriel thinks about this for a minute.  “Is that how I was born, too?” he asks.

“Uhm, not exactly,” you say. “But you are a miracle.”

Gabriel understands almost everything except the part about being conceived without sin.

“My teacher said that Sin is a Mesopotamian moon god.”

“Really,” you say.

“Yep,” Gabriel says, returning to his room to play his horn.

That’s when sleep takes hold of me.

And I dream, once again, of being a child in a manger.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

I've always loved a traditional Christmas story.

[Philip Gaber]

Me too, john.

[GlendaK]

And Jesus, in the Old Testament was Melchisedech or Malki Tzedek, who was the king of Salem and priest of El Elyon (often translated as 'most high God'). That explains The Trinity which have been in existence forever.
*
Speaking of circumcision, it is performed on females to erase any chance of pleasure.

[Philip Gaber]

I can't debate the bible, except on a very superficial and trivial level. Who would do that to women? And the men are satisfied with the pleasure they receive? Yes, because they get blondes from another tribe to satisfy them. BOINK!

[GlendaK]

See? You're not that freaking shallow. But the drink changes you. It's actually a demon. That's why alcohol is called spirits. I love your intelligence, your use of the language, you are so capable. but drink changes you. It's f*****g with your mind. Blinding you to reality. Maybe that's what you want. To be blinded to reality.

[GlendaK]

Circumcision was done on women as babies because females were considered to be possessions and not worth the time it took to pleasure them. As for pleasuring women, my entire love life is in my mind.