out of panic comes laughter

It’s quiet today.

I’m sitting under the big apple tree

in the backyard,

but I’m tired for some reason.

I tell myself I’m not going to drink

today, and I don’t,

but I want to.

Badly.

My cell phone rings.

It’s my brother Joey.

He wants to know if I’m coming

for the holidays this year.

I tell him I’m not sure.

It depends on a few things.

“What things?” he asks.

“Joey,” I say.

“I’m just too tired for specifics

at the moment.

You’re just gonna have to accept that.”

He’s offended.

Says, “Well, it wouldn’t hurt you

to get up off of that couch for a change.”

I tell him it would be nice to spend

the holidays with him and his bi-polar wife.

He explodes,

“YOU A*****E! WHY DON’T YOU SEEK THERAPY?”

I snicker,

loudly enough for him to hear.

He is not pleased with me.

I don’t blame him.

I want to hang up on him, but I can’t.

I can hear him hyperventilating.

He just got picked up with

high blood pressure, and he’s really

trying to control his emotions.

He covers the mouthpiece with his hand,

says something to his bi-polar wife,

then uncups the mouthpiece and says, “You working?”

“Yes, Joey,” I say.

“I’m working,” and

Wait for the follow-up.

“Where are you working?”

“I am currently working as a collections specialist.”

“A what?”

“You know what collections are, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I am a collections specialist.

 I specialize in collections.”

“Alright, alright,” he says.

“I’m just telling you what I do for a living, Joey.”

“Fine…”

“It’s really not that bad.

 I’m actually enjoying it.

 I feel bad for some of these people.

 Some of their stories are just heartbreaking.”

There’s a pause.

Then Joey says, “Right, right, I can imagine…

So can we plan on you being here?”

“Sure, Joey.  Providing I can finagle

 a little time off from my j-o-b,

I’d be delighted to attend.”

“Well, let us know.”

“I will do that.”

“Take care of yourself.”

“Thank you.”

He hangs up.

I turn my phone off and continue

tearing up my old childhood pictures.

Reviews

[GlendaK]

"Bipolar wife" haha I like that! I've never been professionally diagnosed but have been called bipolar a million times. Been on every anti depressant until I was over 200 lbs. Still miserable. Stopped cold turkey. Bought a gazelle and spent a couple hours with the gazelle and Disturbed every night until the weight was gone. Mama said, "Eat a baked potatoes every day. It's natural prozac."

[GlendaK]

There's nothing like learning a person, even if it might be just their fictional ideas, huh?
I like the diction. The story comes to life.
(Collections Specialist. I'll have to Google that one.)

[Philip Gaber]

If you've ever owed on a credit card, or a loan, you heard from one of those folks!" Thanks, Gee.

[GlendaK]

You're going to not believe this: I pay off my card every month if I use it. Best bet is to maintain a lifestyle within your means and use the cc only in emergencies.

[Philip Gaber]

Yes, in a better world than mine. It's admirable that you're able to be so responsible.

[GlendaK]

My husband filed bankruptcy so many times it really messed me up since my name carried all our cars, house, ect. And that's how ya learn.

[Philip Gaber]

Unfortunately, yes.

[GlendaK]

This friendship deserves a poem a day. I'll give you The Taste and you give me

[Philip Gaber]

Yes. I'll give you what ever you want

[GlendaK]

Friendship stops when ultimatums are placed. I take it back. Spontaneity is better. No worries.

[Philip Gaber]

Stop putting limitations on us. Please?

[Philip Gaber]

So glad to meet an intelligent woman. Thank the Lord.

[GlendaK]

AH! I said Dr Hook But it's BTO! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cia_v4vxfE

[GlendaK]

Did you ever watch SNL and Baldwin as Mr Schwetty. It was so corny but I miss those days we could be kids and get by with it because we were kids.

[GlendaK]

"My mouth's watering thinking about those balls"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPpcfH_HHH8&t=109s

[Philip Gaber]

Who doesn't like BTO? Yes, it was a funny skit. Good old Alec.

[GlendaK]

I'm working on a piece about the early days of Disturbed. It is on a different planet so you can chill. I have a hard time "not" talking to you. But you need to chill whenever you feel like it.

[Philip Gaber]

I'm a good listener, so that's a perfect combo. Funny, people who know I'm a writer have often asked, "Are you going to write about me sometime?" The answer is always the same: "Not consciously...perhaps behaviorally, but they're dissolved with so many other people I've known throughout my life that it's impossible to pinpoint who I'm writing about. Good luck with the interplanetary piece.

[GlendaK]

You'll be surprised but I caught that in your writing- that it's an alphabet soup. You're lucky you can do that. I always end up writing boring pieces about one certain person and they usually hate it. Yeah, I've written about David and nauseum. I know how to keep myself occupied and off your back. Have a good rest of your rest (:

[Philip Gaber]

Yep, that's a good take, alphabet soup. Woody Allen once described writing as a magic trick. That too. I enjoy your messages. Breaks up my dull day. Keep them coming. I'll answer when I can.

[GlendaK]

Question: Do you see all these females all over the page barely dressed? I mean, it's hard and I'm not even a lesbian.

[Philip Gaber]

Some, yes. Not everyone.