the 50-minute hour

Him:  I'm very angry.

Doc:  You're angry?

Him:  Yes.

Doc:  Why do you think you're angry?

Him:  I don't know! You're the guy who went to school to learn why people are so fucked up?  Why don't you tell me?! Why are you always putting it on me to answer these things?! I don't know! I have no f*****g idea!

Doc:  Okay, I hear your frustration...

Him:  Okay, great, we know you don't have any hearing impairments. What about me?

Doc:  It's not that simple.

Him:  I never get any insight from you! All you do is mirror me! And nod your head and say, "Mmm hmm." What IS therapy? Just me talking? You nodding? Our time is up? What the f**k is that?

Doc:  It's not necessary for you to-

Him:  What, scream at you? Doesn't my screaming give you some some sort of insight into my behavior? Why I'm doing it?

Doc:  Mr.-

Him:  I’m fifty-five goddamn years old and I’m still doing the s**t I did when I was fourteen. Jesus Christ!

Doc:  It takes a lot of work…

Him:  OK, tell me what kind of work I’m supposed to do? Break it down for me. Explain it like I was a five-year-old. Please!

Doc:  I’m sorry, our time is up.

Him:  Oh for f**k’s sake! Can’t you see how discombobulated I am? I shout and scream at myself for dropping a spoon on the floor! I yell at myself if my computer is reacting too slowly! These meds I’m on don’t work! They’re making me worse! What the f**k am I supposed to do? Live the rest of my life in this crippled goddamn state of confusion? Doc, I’m begging you! Please help me!

Doc:  I am helping you.

Him:  Are you? Really? 

Doc:  We’ll take this up in your next session. Please calm yourself. Breathe in. Take a deep breath.

Doc:  It doesn’t help.

Him:  It will help. You just have to focus and concentrate. Just stop your mind, relax, and take some deep breaths. I promise you it will help.

(Him tries to calm down and quiet his mind. He’s still upset and slightly quivering)

Doc:  Take a deep breath through your nose.

(Him does)

Doc: Let it out through your mouth.

(Him does)

Doc:  Again.

Him:  Come on, this is ridiculous….

Doc:  Again. A deep breath in through your nose.

(Him redirects him and breaths in through his nose)

Doc:  Exhale.

(Him exhales)

Doc:  Again. In through the nose…

(Him does)

Doc:  Exhale…

(Him does. He’s slowly calm in down)

Doc:  One more time. (Him fidgets a bit) Come on, in through the nose…

(Him complies)

Doc:  And exhale.

(Him complies)

Doc:  Take a minute to concentrate on what you just did.

(Him tries)

Doc:  You can do it…

(Him pauses and tries to concentrate)

Doc:  That’s it. Focus on the now. You’re in my office. You’re sitting here with me. You’re fine. Relax. 

(Him is slowly calming his nerves)

Doc:  How are you feeling?

Him:  I’m tired.

Doc:  That’s alright. You’re allowed to be tired. Don't beat yourself up for being tired. Just let it happen. Be with it.

(Pause)

Him:  (quieter) Can you just answer me this?

Doc:  Yes?

Him:  Why do I feel such anger when I’m walking to my apartment and someone says hello to me?

Doc:  You’re in your head too much. Just be open to the experience others are offering to you. Allow them in. Don’t push them away. Alright? We’ll take this up next time.

(The lights slowly fade to black)