letter to the editor

Dedicated to: 

Christopher Allen

SmokeLong Quarterly

http://smokelong.com

Another story was written and sent out, and another rejection form was returned to me.

              "We've carefully considered your work. Though we are

              not accepting it for publication, we hope you find a 

              better fit for it elsewhere. 

Thank God, I now have enough rejection slips to wallpaper my bathroom. Who are these people who read my work and reject it wholeheartedly? What are their likes/dislikes? What are their references? How do they spend their free time? Are they gay or straight? Non-binary? Genderqueer, agender, bigender, genderfluid? What are their pronouns? What sort of childhood did they suffer? What is their life's mission? Dream? What generation are they from? What are their favorite movies? Actors? Writers? Thinkers? Do they masturbate? To whom? To what? Do they prefer deep-dish pizza or pizza from New Haven, Connecticut? Are they democrat or republican, independent, progressive or apolitical? What were their favorite cartoons? Frozen dinners? Do they prefer cotton or linen? What did their parents do for a living? Grandparents? Do they love conspiracy theories? Steel-cut oatmeal or Cream of Wheat? What is their love language? Do they believe in God? What religion do they follow or are a part of, or none at all? Who makes them laugh? Did they read Nicholas Sparks' books when they were a teenager? When was the last time they assisted an "unhoused fentanyl addict?" Do they have dogs or cats? Iguanas or snakes? Do they eat salmon and shrimp, or are they allergic to all shellfish? Are they vegan or carnivores? 

What is their favorite mixed drink? What appetizers do they enjoy? What made them become a submissions editor? Because they failed first at writing, or is their passion to email form rejection letters to writers whom they'll never meet, talk to, or even ask the same questions I just asked you about what makes you a human being? Ha hahaha haha!