a matter of mathematics and common sense

You left the party early.

Again.

Kept whispering in my ear,

“I have this social anxiety disorder.

I’m very uncomfortable. I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

You were wearing clothes that had the

morning headlines written all over them and

I was anxious to do a readability index on you; but

you disappeared before I could even recall the

formula to measure it.

I figured I couldn’t do anything for you, anyway,

but thought maybe I could have at least...

But probably not.

When I got home, I called you.

Got your voice mail.

You were probably hiding under the sheets.

Sweating.

Crying.

Petitioning somebody.

Maybe the Lord.

Maybe just your shrink.

Who knows?

You always held very secular beliefs.

Didn’t laugh much in those days.

Hardly cracked a smile.

Slept twelve, thirteen hours a day.

Ate next to nothing.

Whenever you did have contact

with the world it was always from

a comfortable distance.

You were always reluctant to talk

about yourself.

Your past.

Your future.

Didn’t even talk about your job

as a dispatcher for a cable TV company.

At night, you sat in front of the TV under

a blanket, even in July and August.

Kept your thermostat at 65 year round.

“One way or another I get what I need,”

you told me the day before your birthday.

You were turning thirty.

I came over.

Gave you a present.

A papier-mache elephant.

You about cried, but laughed instead.

Fortunately, my feelings weren’t hurt.

But then again I was a lot better at

compartmentalizing my feelings in those days.

Reviews

[Vol]

Philip,
This is a nice stream-of-consciousness word-path exploring a rather complex psychological dig into one of those subtle quirks that we encounter from time to time... reminds me of my first wife. She COULD go out in public, but always wanted more than it could supply. But at the same time afraid she would reveal too much of herself to people she respected and liked. We ended tragically. To be in love with someone who does not know themselves is asking more than anyone knows...
Vol

[Philip Gaber]

Thanks, Chris. I appreciate your time and feedback. I like the phrase "in-telling." That's accurate.

[Chris]

The interaction is palpable... a "story" in-telling.