Chapter 1

Chapter 1 will talk about my first childhood memories.

 

  

You see, not so long ago and in what I can only describe as another life, I was once known as the miricale worker in the fast paced, highly lucrative world of exotic dancers and strip clubs. If a strip club was slow and needed more business, I knew exactly what needed to be done to fill the room.  After 7 years of stripping my way across the country as a male dancer and another 8 years of managing female dancers for one of the biggest names in the adult club industry, I've come to know peoples behavior, those animalistic and uncontrolable erotic instincts which are in all of us.   Some might call me crazy, and maybe I am for making such a change in life.  Why would I walk away from a world of limosuine rides, celebrity, fantastically beautiful women and over $3,000 a week in cash?  You might be surprised to know that most strippers and employees who work in adult clubs dream of the day when they can escape and join society  The problem is-they just don't know how. The next time you are in a strip club, take a real hard look at the girl on stage. Look beyond her body, past the facade she wants you to see and look within. She has been conditioned to show you only what she wants you to see...She is after all the perfect actress..performing nightly on a stage near you...the happy go lucky,exotic sexy girl whose life is a party and doesn't seem to have a care in the world!  Ask her about  what she wants to do with her life besides dancing and watch the walls crumble. If your'e lucky, you will connect with that inner child, ther person with big dreams and life ambitions...just like you!

 

 

It wasn't as if I just woke up one day and decided to work in the adult entertainment industry. Rather, the unforseeable winding roads in my own life lead me to such a profession.  There are times, when I'm standing in my northside, plush Chicago apartment and think to myself, " How ever did I get from there to here?"  If I told you how many times I've been judged, ridiculed, chastised and otherwise socially excluded because of the things I've done; you simply would be sick.  There is a moral standard, a path and certain expectations by which most of society is expected to follow.  In a perfect world, that dream we have all had drilled into our heads lives as a false example of what really happens- The dream that goes something like this: A young boy makes friends, goes to school, finds a job, marries a gal and goes on to raise his own family. That's how it's supposed to go right?  Well isn't it?  Some of us were dealt a different set of cards.  An ace isn't always an ace and so, this is how I played my hand.

 

 

 

 

Memories from my hellish childhood are not always so easy to conjure up.  At times, they come to me as quick bursts of imagery, flickering uncontrollably in the deepset reaches of my mind.  Somwhere, spread across the dusty fields and thick, purple, hazy skies of south Texas remain the first impressions of my so called family.  My father, if you can call him that, managed to con his way into another job.  Somehow, he convinced the Xerox company to relocate our family of four from Chicago to a little southern town, just outside of Houston.  For the life of me, I simply can't remember my parents or Chicago prior to age 5. It was as if someone just magically said POOF, your life begins in Texas. 

 

Dad, who I simply refer to as Ron, was a freakish relic from the wild west-even though it was the mid 70s.  Standing nearly 6'3 and weighing every bit of 250lbs, the man looked and carried himself like a macho cowboy- straight out of central casting! I can still see him walking up the sidewalk holding a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Wearing a large, brown suede cowboy hat with matching leather boots, his daunting presence is still seared in the back of my mind.   My years in the strip club business have afforded me the oppurtunity to meet all kinds of personalities, however; my father was the most egotistical and twisted man I've ever known. The wanna be country casonova spoke with a deep voice and certain stern, southern twang...but tust me, he was no Johnny Cash.  His values and belief system were formed from years of sucking down wiskey in the foothills of the Dakotas and the isolated wildrness of Alaska as a Military radar operator. Ron believed the world revolved around him and any form of decent would be met swiftly...talking back was ill advised.  He was not like other fathers I've seen as a child, gentle, understanding or caring.  Instead, he chose frontier justice by rearing us with fear, intimidation and harsh violence. 

 

My mother was cut from a different cloth all together. Raised in the safe bussom of the Chicago suburbs by her Italian family, Diane was simply not prepared for marriage to a pychotic con artist such as Ron. However; Diane was not innocent and believe me, she could rain down incredible verbal terror on anyone in her path. Dirthy D suffered from Bi-Polar Disorder and had a serious addiction to percription medication and alcohol.  She was a creature that functioned purely on emotion, a tightly wound up ball of nerves. If you ask me what the devil looks like, My inclination is to describe my dear mother:  The devil is 4 feet eleven inches tall, with curly brown hair and olive, meditranian features.  Her lips are tightly pressed together, puffing on a cigarette and holding a glass of Jack.  In many ways, both Mom and Dad were perfect for one another. Mom's innocence of the world and co-dependency on a man and my father's "Real Man", wild west macho persona. Mix it up with some wiskey and pills and you have the makings for a one roller coaster of a time for a child.

 

Then, of course, there was me. I was and still am in many ways an absolute hot mess.  I suffered from what has now become a common mental health problem for kids...Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.  In the 70s, psychologist and doctors really diddn't know as much as we do today about ADHD. Back then, in many circles kids who showed the signs of this problem were just thought to be bad children. Teachers ignored the kids in class and when they acted up, they were treated as outcasts and often punished. Today, we have come a long way in our approach to children suffering from this ailment. Instead of being treated as evil, we use patience, medication and therapy as a way to help ease a kid's confusion.  As for me, I was a real handful for both parents and teachers a like.  My mind  constantly raced 100 miles an hour and I couldn't sit still to save my life. Concentrating on one subject was just too difficult because I would day dream about the strangest of senerios. My mind simply wouldn't shut off. There were times when I ran around the house so excited, so full of energy that it must have drove my parents crazier than what they already were. One day, I became so hyped up at the idea of going outside to play that I jumped up in the air and split my head wide open on the corner of the dresser.  I also found it terribly difficult to play with other children with the only exception, my identical twin brother.  Other kids were so slow, calm and reserved that I envied their demenor.  I remember thinking, why can't I be like them?  I had a wild imagination and often, the words from my mouth could not catch up with the thoughts in my mind. One thing about kids with ADD or ADHD I've come to learn is they all have a special gift.  I'm not exactly sure how, but kids with ADD are able to look at someone and know exactly what kind of person they are within just a few seconds. It's almost as if having special x-ray glasses which allow the child to know exactly what makes a person tick.  Even today, I can spot a phoney person a mile away, no matter how hard they try to conceal it. 

 

Reviews

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

Wow i can almost tell this is going to an emotional and interesting read. I can't wait to read more from you.

Danni J

[Anarda Nashai]

The pefect start. I bet this is a fantastic story...can't wait to read more!!1 Great Job.

-Anarda Nashai
author of Despondent
Check out my website at:
www.anardanashai.webs.com

[Lab Rat 1984]

Wow! Such a great chapter to start your book off with. I am looking forward to reading more from you!

[Dalaina Renee]

Very interesting!

[My Midnight Sun]

AWESOME START. I don't know too much about the industry your in, but I'm actually in the entertainment business too [just not the same, lol, I work with movies].
I have to say, your writing style is very unique. I felt like you were talking to me, in a way. Telling me your life story. Very fascinating, and I really just can not wait to read more. Please keep me updated on this one! Can't wait to see more!