Flashbacks

I struggle with PTSD from being emotionally abused for 3 years as a child. These are some of the things i struggle to forget everyday. All events you read in this story i have experienced.

She anxiously looks at the phone while chewing her nails. She picks it up and puts in her pass code.  She scrolls nervously back and forth between the two pages she has on her phone than locks the phone again. She begins to shake her leg up and down and runs her sweaty palms against her thighs.

"Choose: them or me?"

She runs her hand over her face letting out a shaky breath. She reaches for her bedside table and grabs her inhaler.

"Your a walking CVS, you don't need to take so much medicine."

She puts the inhaler back down. She stands up and paces back and forth in the tiny room that felt as if it were becoming tinier as she struggled to breathe. Running her hands through her hair every few seconds. Her chest feels like a boulder constricting her lungs. Swallowing the lump in her throat she walks to her bed again. She shoves her face into her pillows and lets out a scream. She picks up her phone again to text her mom.

"Why do you always text your mom? Your mom doesn't need to know everything."

She puts the phone down again. She feels completely lost. She's surrounded by oxygen but it feels like there's nothing getting into her lungs. She begins to feel caged in the clothes on her body.

"You need to take those clothes off they aren't good enough. Here, put mine on"

She tears her clothes off angrily now sitting there in nothing she stares in the mirror at her body. 

"Those clothes look a little tight. Are you gaining weight?"

She felt the sudden urge to punch the mirror in front of her. She tried to get some air into her lungs to no avail. A sharp pain stabs through her stomach. Crying out. She walked to her dresser to put on new clothes. Looser clothes.

"Dad, why is there alcohol in my drawer?"

She began to cry. Everything reminded her of her miserable past.

Screaming 

Yelling 

Glass

Neglect 

Disappointment

Pain

She pulled at her hair. Falling to the ground she let a sob escape her lips. She saw car lights flash on the wall from her window.

"C'mon guys brush your teeth."

"It's 12 A.M. They're sleeping be quiet."

"C'mon lets brush our teeth"

She bit the side of her cheek to keep from screaming.

"Your daughter refused to take a shower and slammed the door in my face."

She stood up quickly and ran to the kitchen. She grabbed a Xanax and a Melatonin and swallowed them right there without any liquid. She went back to her room and layed down. She stared at the ceiling above her and let a tear roll down the side of her face.

"Dad, i won't stay here. Take me home."

The medicine began to work and she felt the tightness in her chest relieve the slightest bit.

"I won't see you until she leaves."

"I can't leave her."

"You choose her and you'll ruin your relationship  with your kids."

She closed her eyes and drifted asleep. But she didn't escape the pain. If it didn't show up in her nightmares it would come back tomorrow. There is no escape.