Die With Me

.......the Sun

I gave you b******s light

I fed the greedy tongues of your b*****d children

Lips made my being raw

I fed your greedy b*****d tongues with light

 

I gave you b******s warmth

I held the stoney hearts of your cold children

Dim made my ever-glow

I held your stoney hearts in my warmth

 

I gave you b******s life

I breathed air into the empty lungs of your young

Dead made my open heart

I breathed air into the empty lives of you b******s

Author's Note

A thought

Reviews

[cfix]

Oh How i adore you opneing stanza. such bitterness and sound so onvincing as well. I really like this write. Very well written.

[Devons]

And a very interesting and punchy thought it is. I really like the bitter personification of what is supposedly The Sun - though the reader could decide to apply this speech to quite another more personal narrator. It reminds me of something I heard once: 'the rain falls on the just and the unjust - it is so'. Equally appropriate to The Sun. The use of the expletive in this is what bites into the psyche.. and it thumps home the point with much more effect; bringing the personification down to earth, as it were. And if The Sun were to die then we would certainly die with it. Worship. I do. The Sun is far more effective than God.
Direct, compact, and interesting.

[Brandon]

This was very angry, but VERY good i loved it. Keep up the good work. =)



100/100

[Jocelin]

I like this it's funny :D
Looooove it keep on writing

[Crowley]

LMAO....hot damn, the sun is so pissed..never thought to write from the suns POV at least I think its the sun...could be one other thing. This was a hell of a ride...loved it.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

okay so i shouldn't say i laughed, but i definitely had a very dark humoured smirk.. well done you.. i love the irritated tone you give your solar narrator.. this is beautifully expressed, with your inversions of phrases, the repetition, yet in a mirror image, of the phrases throughout, give it a very compelling air..