Butterfly

Butterfly in reverse,

 a disintegration reserved

for angels.

Diamond stigmata spanning

through green-black

foliage, our temples.

“The thing is I’ll wake up and won’t remember”

These arrows inside

will collide like two atoms,

a breathing 

tomb.

Upon exposure,

I freeze,

causing  Master

Instant a shivering fit,

It saying

“How dare my subject try and exceed me.”

Two hearts resurrecting,

wondering,

diving.

Two hearts inspecting,

dissecting,

a non-invasive surgery.

“I’ll wake up and won’t remember”

Slipping, slipping,

a moon

rising, later and later

The rain falling 

greyer and greyer

entire insides,

one big hemorrhage,

bruises wearing

 shells the size of

tortoises

Faces gushing,

swarming,

bees quieter

than ghosts.

While inside,

 it's Rio de Janeiro,

the day of the dead

and a “by invite only”

masquerade,  all-together.

After being,

fighting in the Crusades

and assisting a community bar-b-que

walking on the grass, blowing bubbles

I’m gazing, 

stars, planets, moons and suns

atoms, particles, electrons, 

oceans of fire, black-holes,

endless waterfalls, darkness, 

close-up smiles, veins,

It’s me, it’s you, it’s me, it’s you

I’m gazing

 

Author's Note

I'm still debating about the ending, not sure it it's too "abrupt". Input is welcome. Thanks.

Reviews

[paul sal.....]

I hope the the subject wakes up and remembers, the last 2 stanzas. Beautiful imagery.............

[Frontier]

Thank you Paul...

[Frieda P]

It has a frenetic feel to it, so the ending is perfect in my opinion. I love the Crusades stanza, blowing bubbles...I'm gazing and it's amazing too. :)

[Frontier]

The Crusades stanza is also one of my fav parts. Thanks Frieda!

[Frieda P]

Was my pleasure, that part really made me smile! :)

[Crusty Pizza Stain]

I think everyone can agree that community barbecues can be a lot of fun. Let's face it, when you get together with family and friends and enjoy nice food, on a GREAT day, WHAT CAN GO WRONG?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[Frontier]

Haha I totally agree :)

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Wow...this is beautiful...I do not even know if it makes me happy or sad but it is certainly beautiful. The ending in abrupt but it is fitting. That last stanza builds and builds and builds until you just do not have anywhere else to go. You could taper on an ending but I think it would take away from that well placed crash right there at the end. I really like it the way it is.

[Frontier]

Thanks :)

I'm glad that you don't know exactly how to feel about it, I feel it adds something different.

[Ibreez Shabkhez]

There is no such thing as "too abrupt." You have a gift for leading your reader to wherever you please. you can make them forget what you said in the previous verse and hit them ever so brutally in the next one bye making the impact tenfold (at the least).

Do you read classics? Most of their power comes from this. Mastery requires patience, discipline and frustration. If you do not enjoy the agony then continue to write as you do and it will come to you with experience.

[Frontier]

I'm not sure what you mean by "most of their power"? I do enjoy the agony of it, but then again, it still is agony.

[Ibreez Shabkhez]

Well... everything is going smoothly when suddenly they call back an incident, the smallest of grievances or a character whose significance has been dimmed ,somewhat, for the greater part of the major events in the last few events( at the least). It can give you hope all of a sudden or it can break it down. With several of these you can make the reader a ball of playing dough. There is also this other technique that is used: take the smallest of incidents like a wheel getting stuck in the mud or someone dropping a penny by mistake and make a difference in the story due to that. the difference may be emotional. If you can combine the two, You Are A Genius!

They do it in movies all the time, but it is not very special there.

[Ibreez Shabkhez]

Nicely summed up.

[Mayank]

amazing satire, I think this abrupt ending suits here because reader can precept on their own.

[Frontier]

Thanks Mayank :)

[Zakari Schmidt]

I liked the ending and the whole thing I found totally awesome! If it was mine I wouldn't change a thing this is one to be proud of. I thought it'd make brutal metal lyrics the second time I read

[Frontier]

Thanks Zach! Metal lyrics! interesting... :)

[Coyote Poetry]

"It’s me, it’s you, it’s me, it’s you
I’m gazing, and it’s amazing"
I enjoyed the journey in your words. Very nice flow of thoughts led to the very good ending. I'm always happy to read your amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Frontier]

And I'm always glad to receive your reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no don't mess with the ending at all...it is perfect...it is one that will stay in the reader's mind.

love in its greatest and most different forms...like the Crusades, like a backyard BBQ---the great complexities of love, the simple enjoyments of love...

spinning wildly and ending up back in the cocoon to be reborn over and over...

[Frontier]

Thanks, I'll leave it as is...I like your description of it.

[kublakhan27]

I can honestly say that I'm in absolute awe of this piece my friend...it is epic in every way, starting with the first stanza which is just striking...I was instantly taken to another world, and explored a plethora of places within it...you've accomplished everything a poet can accomplish in a poem here...it is deep, surreal, quirky, romantic, and the list goes on...I'm having a hard time coming up with any deeper observations on it cuz so many of the images are still swimming around in my imagination...the last two lines are priceless, I wouldn't change a thing in this piece...awesome :)

[Frontier]

I am humbly flattered, thanks, for the encouraging words! This is making my night.

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure my friend :)