Eternidad Huerfana (Orphaned Eternity)

If you look at me, your gaze

will turn into orphaned eternity.

I am the most essential opportunity

so that you will know yourself

In a room without mirrors

and realize that I

inhabit your silence 

Si me miras, tu mirada

se hace eternidad huérfana 
Soy la oportunidad más esencial
Para que te reconozcas 
En un cuarto sin espejos
Y sepas que yo
Habito tu silencio

Author's Note

I originally wrote this in spanish but wanted to share it in english too.

Reviews

[John A. Ayala]

Your poem merits a review written in verse.


Muda Sonrisa

Silencio es potencia creadora,
si quien lo habita también lo baila.
Verdad del silencio es la sonrisa;
la orfandad de un mar sin la brisa
cuya vertiente aguarda aprisa
mientras se asoma entre las dalias
la cresta del manantial que aflora.


J.A. Ayala

Mute Smile (English Translation)

Silence is creative power,
if those who inhabit it also dance it.
The truth of silence is the smile;
the orphanhood of a sea bereft of breeze
whose slope hastily awaits
while hovering among the dahlias
the crest of a spring originates.

[Frontier]

Ah, I'm flattered my writing has inspired you. I really like "La orfandad de un mar sin la brisa." The title "mute smile" is also very interesting, but I do know what you mean. There are loud, crowded smiles and empty, mute smiles. :)

[paul sal.....]

I do not want to be orphaned by eternity but would do so if to gaze upon you was worth it

[Frontier]

yes I agree :)

[Horizon K.]

...I am the most essential opportunity
so that you will know yourself
In a room without mirrors...

I love this thought... that one of the most beautiful parts of love, is when you see yourself-- the magnificent parts, the dark parts, the perceptions and the truths, through their eyes... and that despite whatever is seen, you are still loved... it makes you fly, feel that, orphaned eternity...
What a gorgeous piece!

[Frontier]

Yes that is the most beautiful part of love, some don't ever see it, but difficult to be so vulnerable. Thanks Horizon.

[Tree]

Very powerful. Of course, that spanish version reaches out and grabs you behind the neck, pulls you inward. You can feel the potency of those words, better. But poems are almost always better in their original language, and here it was in spanish... Translating can be hard, especially if you're personally married to the words you originally wrote in english; the inflections, the syllable counts, the subtle and hidden meanings. But the english version stand on its own, too. There is a poet down here who writes beautifully in both languages, Marie. She has two pages and translates a lot of her work. You might want to check her out.

Two ethereal, well written pieces, Frontier.

DPaz

[Coyote Poetry]

I like when the poetry is shown in the original language. Gave the reader opportunity to read the words in the best form. If I had time. I would love to learn the original language of Dante's inferno. Would be a amazing book. I like the words "orphaned eternity." The poem feel very personal. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Alessander]

I liked the Spanish version better! I think Frost once remarked that poetry is what is lost in translation, and that tends to be true (though translation has it's place. If not for it, I would have never been able to read a lot of stuff, including Dante's "Divine Comedy").

This is actually the piece that first got my attention to you. I love love love "orphaned eternity" I also love love love the last line, "I inhabit your silence". That is a GREAT ending, and I don't say that often (in fact, I'm notorious for always trying to make writers change their endings lol)

It sort of reminded me of Neruda's "bearded silence". Maybe I just like silence ;)

Anyhow, this is an awesome piece. Glad you put both versions up. Maybe I'll post a something similar in the future.

Kudos.

[Frontier]

I also strongly prefer the spanish version haha, seems to fit the meaning much better. Yes, I also see how this could've been scooped out of "translation".
I'm flattered that you don't want to make any changes haha. :) Orphaned eternity...hmm yes I think we are that!

I hope you do post something similar :)

[Sibusiso Xtdo Gama]

That was very considerate of you, thanx,
"If you look at me, your gaze

will turn into orphaned eternity" I feel like this line portrays unbearable beauty of one, that is not questionable.

so that you will know yourself

In a room without mirrors

and realize that I

inhabit your silence, well this is interesting but complex please explain

[Frontier]

I guess its like I will allow the other to know their real "self", in a room without mirrors, as in they wont look at their identity from reflections, external things, the other should be content in just knowing I appreciate their silence, that I am there. :)

[Sibusiso Xtdo Gama]

wow, that's wonderful because when others know their selves without mirrors and such, the they will no more beat their noses into the foreign shape, nor will the powder their complection to the paper pale. wonderful

[Frontier]

Exactly! You put it quite interestingly :)

[Sibusiso Xtdo Gama]

you guys around here acquainted me with diction and am greateful,since gratittude is the gretest attitude.

[Clockwork]

I'm in love with your word choice in the second line when you call eternity "orphaned." That lines offers such a profound opportunity to the viewer: look at me, and abandoned the world you know. You shoot the viewer into orbit around a lost city full of the haunted houses you wrote about earlier.

I also like how you bring it back to an opportunity for discovery in those final two lines. The viewer learns to listen, make connections, realize he is not alone in a world with you. Exquisitely beautiful sentiment.

[Frontier]

I'm very glad you like the concept. I guess it's what you see sometimes when you look directly at someone's eyes, orphaned eternity. Yes it's about learning to really listen, to feel yourself and others. :)

[Clockwork]

Yes, I can see how that would be. I've seen that in people's eyes, although now I have a name for it after reading your poem. Seeing it is a good way to tell who is an old soul, if you believe in old souls.

[Frontier]

Yes precisely, some people harbor this quality more than others, old souls for sure.

[A. Amos]

This was elegantly crafted and i always adore your writing...

[Frontier]

Thanks, A.Amos. :)

[Megan]

This reminds me of a lover. I mean when I think of having one, he completes the silence, and perhaps makes is much more appreciable.
Great poem. :)

[Frontier]

Thanks Megan. It also reminds me of a lover, the type that one never ever forgets. :)