Mrs. Pale Eyes

An after-life gaze

Cathedral eyes

 

She gave off the feeling of watching a balloon float up into the sky.

 

Suspended out of space and time, unknown substrate,

 devoid of everything and full of everything,

 like gazing out at the ocean.

 

Naked eyes that didn't possess an ego, it seemed like no

 transitory biological reaction paid a visit.

 

One curious aspect about her eyes

 was that despite their ghostly paleness,

 they seemed cavernously deep,

never to attend the never-ending séance.

 

Her eyes were attractive but one couldn't

 easily put a finger on why.

She wasn't wearing make-up,

 but her eyes had such quiet power

that the rest of her face and body

seemed as an accessory,

in a sense her eyes "wore" her.

 

Reviews

[joshua deathdealer]

This is amazing. The story is intriguing and quite poetic.. An after-life gaze
Pale cathedral eyes..perfect!

[Frontier]

Thanks Joshua! :D

[aditya gawade]

Nice poem!
An apt description of the mysterious aura that surrounds a detached yet friendly person

[Frontier]

Thanks for reviewing, Aditya.

[just Penny]

Those two opening lines are excellent. But the rest of the story is equally intriguing, as it muses about a woman's eyes, naked, not smothered with heavy makeup, possessing special qualities that couldn't be ignored. I wonder how many of us dare to reveal what's underneath the daily mask. I love the lines "looking into nothing but containing everything". Makes me think of that saying about eyes being a mirror to the soul. A great short story. Penny

[Frontier]

Yes my favs are also the opening lines! Thanks and I'm glad you enjoyed!

[Relic]

I get the sense that the poem came from the picture. This has a magical quality about it and your use of diction here is impressive.

[Frontier]

Actually it was the other way around haha. Thanks Tim!

[Relic]

I never said my senses were any good. haha

[Aethereal]

I often catch a glimpse of eyes such as this when walking about in a crowd. I was inspire to write this tiny song-poem for you to keep as your own. I used some of your words here:

Attractive Eyes

Balloons floating in the sky
beyond the realm of space and time
form an everlasting tie
about her eyes that soar and climb
as they likewise mystify.

[Frontier]

Oh wow! thanks, I like the bit about eyes that soar and climb, nice personification.

[Aethereal]

You're welcome! I used 1/0/1/0/1/0/1 seven syllable meter over 0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1 eight syllable meter in this poem to make it into a song-poem. 0 = non-accent; 1 = accent.

[Frontier]

thanks for pointing that out, now I can keep it in mind if I decide to write a song-poem.

[Margo Seuss]

This has more of a poetic feel to it, me thinks. I love the creepy...especially that bit about formaldehyde.
I must admit, I think I may need a dictionary to fully enjoy this piece of literature ( Margo is terribly daft). Big words are fun to say and scare people with, but sometimes when incorporated too frequently in a piece of writing, they end up taking over and making the me feel like I'm reading a textbook. With this piece, though, there was enough poetic language to sort of counteract the science words. Substrate..talk about a blast back to grade twelve biology!

When I read this I envision a person gazing down at a woman who has died and inspecting her dead but oddly beautiful eyes. Weird!! But cool!

Margo Seuss
Courtesy of the Constructive Critisism Group

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Short but impacting. Creepy but riveting. Grammar issues but great description.

[Frontier]

Thanks a lot, I will check over the grammar.

[RosewoodHousePets]

I liked it alot brought me happiness...But wow some things I read make me feel like Im never going to get MY ANcient Desire makes me want to Practice Blag Magic and Open The ouja BOard and never close it and have demons come out endlessly....That should be apart of my song but thats how I feel....For I want the Temple Moon Goddess But will Not lie have not yet found out yet how to summon forth and use magic at will but if I do its on....:)