Darkness

Today, Darkness walked by 

And said “S’cuse me”

It turned his head

And looked at me.

A mindless man

Goodbye darkness,

Goodbye.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think :)

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

A most intriguing image...I suppose the theme is positive but the speaker sounds indifferent, as if (s)he wouldn't fight the attention of the darkness had he chosen to speak further, even if he was a mindless man. It almost sounds like an acceptance of darkness as a part of everyday life, something we don't even bother fighting anymore...nicely done :)

[Frontier]

Yes, it is kind of indifferent. I guess because I wanted to emphasize the darkness greeting the speaker and then going on his way, so yes it is a sort of acceptance. Thanks a lot for your review! :)

[Inda]

This is fantastic! Such A raw emotional and honest piece that just sent a shock through me. Just fantastic!

[Frontier]

Thank you Inda! I really appreciate you stopping by. :)

[paul sal.....]

say good by to the bad and wait for the good to appear

[Frontier]

Thank you Paul

[Margo Seuss]

I can see the image of a dark man passing me by when I read this. It paints a good picture. I'm not sure what the meaning of this poem is. Is the darkness referring to a rude person pushing his way through (that would be a literal meaning) or is the darkness something more symbolic (like death)? Well written, I'm just rubbish at deciphering literary works!!

In terms of a bit of critisim, I think the line "It turned his head" needs some revision. Is the darkness an 'it' or a 'he?' I think this line could confuse readers when interpreting the poem. For me the 'it' made me think the darkness was a symbol for death, evil, or pestilence. As soon as you called the darkness a 'he,' you turn him into a man (human). This makes the reader envision darkness in the form of flesh. I guess what I'm saying is you should make the darkness a he or an it, not both. It depends on the message you're trying to send.

Overall, I really like this poem. It's causual but yet profound. Something about this juxtaposition intrigues me. Continue to intrigue!

Margo Seuss
Courtesy of the Constructive Critisism Group

[Frontier]

Yes, darkness here is a man and also symbolically (negative emotions) I did it on purpose but I'm not sure if that's acceptable. I'll think about it, thanks a lot for your useful, insightful review.

[isus]

interesting motions of pictures

[Frontier]

Thank you Isus. I miss you.

[isus]

i miss you too, im not here often anymore

[Frontier]

thats good to know. hope you're doing well.

[isus]

i just do drugs well.. nothing else