Dawn

Dawn flickers behind the eye 

Sacred hints made anew

If you only knew 

The never-ending swallow 

That lives in goodbye

Reviews

[Dreamer]

Dawn flickers behind the eye. This line makes me think of the persona having a new revelation or moving on from something. I suppose it could be both but the last two lines make me feel that it's more of a revelation that maybe someone or something they love(d) is gone for gone. Were the lines made short for a particular reason? Also what about the lack of a period at the very end? It makes me feel that combined it symbolizes the abruptness and lack of closure for the persona?

[Frontier]

Thanks a lot for your review. I hadn't thought of the form at all while writing but now I'm glad I kept it short to emphasize the loss. I also hadn't noticed the period at the end, haha, thanks for being so observant! :)

[RosewoodHousePets]

no never say Goodbye please dont or the darkness well come and swallow everything in its way till theres no one left except you and me....hehe good i like it its very striking...It strikes my soul very deep like a sword....by the way listened to carl orff o fortuna while reading it it made it more dark and illuminating keep it up poet

[paul sal.....]

exit out a door sometime
and smile because you've left
don't look back
or turn around
or sell your perfect theft

[Frontier]

hehe nice! Love the last line, it really wraps it up nicely.

[ThatDude]

Hey there! This is a very interesting poem, i like how you kept it particularly short and sweet. I'm assuming this was to emphasize the fleeting nature of dawn, and the passing in to a sunrise. Reading this reminded me of a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson titled: The eagle which you may want to read for yourself, albeit it comes across more story like, whereas your poem to me seems to be more of a philosophical trigger to much deeper and wider points. Thanks for sharing!

[Frontier]

Yes I can now see how the form of it can represent the meaning although I wasn't conscious of it while writing. Ah, a philosophical trigger you say? So flattering :)

[PoemRodent]

Short, sweet and beautiful...

[Frontier]

thanks poemrodent