please bring back my "can't continue"

An expression of guilt, wanting to reconnect...maybe some grief too, for a partner of mine that suddenly passed away

I really couldn't remain with you, a great, gentle and giving man! 
My faith in men after my time with you, was restored, they could be true 
I had 3 very special months with you.

you loved me to bits and I really knew
that's why I stopped it before it grew
I cared and loved you very much, the time shared had been sincere and true 
I wasn't "in" love and that's when I knew, it needed to be friends only, It couldn't continue.....
lead you up the garden path, lead you to believe there was love there to pursue.

Not a week had gone by, I was told the news , you had decided not to continue.
Martin my loving and so gentle true friend,
it wasn't supposed to be your life that came to an end

You left us behind, your poor mum and dad ....all who you knew!
It  is still so painful even now, we all still miss you! 
its that time of year, the time, your anniversary is near
We have no answers, nothing to fall on ,  still nothing clear... 
We all blamed ourselves, we had wondered why hadn't you said ...maybe shame or worse , fear??
How did we not see you where in such  turmoil ....some intolerable emotional pain, sadly no answer will ever be gained.
I will be coming to see soon , make sure you're  OK...have a quick catch up.. and I will tidy you're grave.
I know that you watch over me and try to keep me strong....but please hold this close and take on board.....that my  "cant continue" was mine and not yours . So, I have an idea I want to put to you....pretty please I am begging you...
Martin can we share my "cant continue" it was never ment for you.