Patrick was only halfway paying attention to the football game when he saw her. Actually, he wasn’t paying attention to the football game at all. Making sure he was seated right in front of the squad, he had been staring at his girlfriend most of the night. Sometimes when they would cradle after doing a toss or two, she would wink and blow him a kiss. He thought it was one of the sexiest things she did. And he always welled with pride, thinking how lucky he was to be dating one of the most attractive and sought after cheerleaders on the team. But for one reason or another, he glanced away, scanning the perimeter for something interesting. And that’s when he saw her. There she was, entering the stadium, walking alone. For a second, he swore he was seeing things. But after blinking twice to be sure, there she stood. It was weird. He hadn’t seen her in a couple of months. And it had been even longer since they had spoken.
He remembered the days they spent together, walking the halls and passing notes in-between classes. He didn’t know why, but he lived for those moments. School would end, and he’d wait anxiously to see if today he’d get a hug. Or if it was one of the days she’d leave without a word. She did that sometimes. It drove him wild. She always seemed to know exactly how to put him on edge. It thrilled him. Later on, when all his homework was finished and the moon hung high in the sky, it was time for him to go to sleep. He would crawl under the covers and do that thing that all high school boys do when they are alone in their bed, conjuring images of her soft skin and steep curves in time with his fingertips.
Breaking out of his reverie, he decided that if he was going to make things right, now was the time to do it. He had no clue what he was going to say to her. All he knew was that if he didn’t go to where she was at this moment, he would ultimately regret it. With one big breath he stood up and started down the steps.
She didn’t think she’d miss her high school so much. But after only a month of college, she sick with nostalgia. She didn’t have any plans this Friday, and decided to swing by one of the home games, check out the band and the team, and maybe even see some familiar faces.
She was expecting a lot of things, but she wasn’t expecting him. She’d been in the stadium only a few minutes, lingering by the fence and watching the play before deciding to head for a seat. As she turned, there he was, heading down the bleachers. The entire walk down, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She wanted to run to him. She wanted to run as far away as possible. She wanted to move, do something, do anything. But she was frozen to her spot. She should’ve expected as much. It wasn’t the first time his gaze had done that to her. And though everything else had changed, this apparently had not.
She remembered the days they spent together, playing tag using only their eyes. His always found her at the most unexpected times, and she lived for those moments. She’d write him notes about how her day was going, about band or a good book. But always in the margins she wrote lyrics or snippets of poems. They were like a window to her soul, yet never revealing too much. Sometimes at the end of the day she’d leave without so much as a wave. It was always difficult, but she had to keep him on his toes, had to leave him wanting more. Homework was the hardest, daydreams of rough hands and cloudy eyes filling her head up to brim. But then came hurricane dreams of him, lasting all night long. Some mornings she would wake up spent.
“Hey,” Patrick said, slightly exasperated. He was looking right at her. How I’ve missed those eyes, he thought. He went in to hug her.
“Hi,” she said, barely audible, shrinking away. She couldn’t meet his gaze, and just looked at her shoes, shuffling her feet.
“Erm. How have you been? How’s college life,” he asked.
“Good, good. Got a few new friends. Great classes. Awesome roommate. I like it. Everything’s so laid back.”
“An atmosphere like that would suit you,” he smiled. She returned the gesture.
“Yeah. So how about you? Senior year!! Aren’t you excited?”
His grin grew. “Definitely! I’m stoked about it. Everything is going great.”
“That’s good,” she replied.
“So, Jessica, I’ve uh…I’ve missed you.”
Her smile sagged and she looked away.
“And I’ve wanted to tell you some stuff.”
She opened her mouth to talk but was cut-off mid-breath.
“Jessica!! You made it!!” a pair of bright-eyed girls yelled from the top of the bleachers. They stood up and were motioning for her to come join them.
“Look…Patrick…I gotta go. I’ll talk to you some other time. Okay? They’ve saved me a seat and I need to get up there. And the band is going to be on soon. Don’t wanna miss that,” she said half-heartedly.
“Are you okay?” one of her friends asked when they were all settled.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Seeing him just kind of jolted me, that’s all. It’s alright,” she smiled, and meant it. It was nice to be with people who loved her, really loved her. And knew what to say without saying much at all. All three hugged, laughed, and turned their attention to the field.
The remainder of the game, though substantial in amount, was short lived. It had been cloudy all day, and threatening rain. But exactly two minutes before halftime, without any warning, the bottom dropped out. It was almost as if a typhoon had come out of nowhere. Everyone scattered. The football players and cheerleaders sprinted off the field. The band students and instructors ran to their buses, trying to keep instruments and equipment as dry as possible. People were trying to exit the stands as quick as possible, hoping to avoid becoming drenched.
Jessica and her friends had just made it to the gate when Patrick came up and grabbed her arm.
“I need to talk to you,” he said somewhat sternly.
“Hello! It’s pouring out here. I’m freezing. Can’t we do this another time??”
“You know it won’t happen. You’ll avoid me. That’s what you do, Jess, when you feel threatened.”
He hadn’t even said that much, and already she could feel her eyes welling up.
He started again, “I want to talk about what happened. I want to tell you…”
He stopped. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to tell her. They looked at each other for what seemed like centuries.
Finally, she broke.
“I’m sorry!” she spat. People might’ve noticed the intimate quarrel if not for the sheets of rain coming down. Every one else was more concerned with getting to a dry place than listening to a heated match between two teenagers.
“What more do you want of me? What else can I possibly do?” there was a sick desperation in her voice. “If I could take it all back, don’t you know I would in an instant?! But I can’t. I know I wasn’t good enough for you. For one reason or another. But d****t! Do you think you ever made it easy for me?”
Patrick opened his mouth, praying for words to come out. But nothing. He was dumbfounded. He didn’t know what to say.
“I…I just…” he stammered.
“Forget it.” she said flatly. “I’m done. I don‘t care what you have to tell me. It won‘t change the way everything happened.”
“Jess…” he trailed off.
She smiled and shook her head. “What?”
“I’m…I’m sorry.”
“I am too, I really am.” she said with a sigh, turning to walk away.
“Wait!!” he shouted and ran to her. He opened his mouth one last time hoping for something to come out. He wanted to scream that he still loved her, that he missed her. That even though it was her who broke his heart, it didn’t matter. He knew the way he treated her was wrong, even when she said she made a mistake. He wanted to hold her and kiss her like they used to do in the back of his father’s S-10, when the air was electric passion and the rest of the world didn’t exist. He needed to say these things and more. But like all other times before, words failed him. All he could do was stand there and let the rain beat down on him. Jessica sighed. She reached for his face, held it in her hands, savoring the feel of something once so familiar. Wiping the plastered hair out of his eyes, she leaned in and gently whispered in his ear.
“Don’t you dare try to follow me,” she said sweetly, “because you won’t make it. You never could.”
With that, she turned and walked off. It was only a few feet before he couldn’t see her at all, the sheets of rain obscuring her view.
He always liked drama. I hope that was dramatic enough for him. She was seething. She ran the back of her hand across her face, wiping away rain water, tears, and mascara. Somehow, she felt lighter. Cleansed. Like the rain had finally washed away the bitter poison she’d been holding on to for so long. She got into her car, rung out her hair, and drove off, never once looking back.
“Who was that girl?” Wendy asked. She was glad to be out of the rain.
“Just an old friend,” Patrick replied.
“Okay, I was just wondering. You looked at her like you haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“I hadn’t. And I don’t think I will again. But that’s fine. Anyway, you know you’re the only girl I wanna look at,” he smiled playfully.
She giggled. “Your hair’s still wet! I finally dried off and you’re getting me wet again!”
He stared out the rear windshield of his dad’s truck, looking at the slick highway that ran next to the stadium. Pulling his girl closer, he kissed her passionately, and never once looked back.
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