I Was Taught

Being taught misogyny as a young woman, and reflecting on that.

I was taught two things growing up. Fear and respect.

Fear because you are unworthy as a female.
You can be used for your body, consent or not.
Whenever they want pleasure and validation.

Respect because you are unworthy as a female.
Your words mean nothing, and your existence
is not for speaking your mind, but spreading your legs.
Respect because you are unworthy as a human being.

Taught that respect is mandatory for the opposite sex.
Taught that respect is mandatory for your fathers.
Taught that respect is mandatory for your brothers.
Taught that respect is mandatory for your husbands and boyfriends.
Taught that respect is giving your body to a man, or have it taken from you.

Fear your father, for he may use you as a punching bag when you speak your mind.
Fear your brother, for he may use you as an excuse to show the world he’s better.
Fear your husband, for he may use you as a sex plaything, but isn’t that how it already is?
Fear your boyfriend, for if you don’t give your body to him, he may take you as a tease, and
sex you in a way you never thought it before.

I was taught to fear men, because not all men were as gracious as my father.
I was taught to fear men, because not all men were as gracious as my brother.
I was taught to fear men, because not all men were as gracious as my husband.
I was taught to fear men, because my body belongs to men, and to fear who you “choose”
to let have control of it.

I was taught to respect men, because I was not as worthy as my father.
I was taught to respect men, because my rights were a complete bother.
I was taught to respect men, because I was not as worthy as my brother.
I was taught to respect men, because I was not valid for anything, but to be a mother.
I was taught to respect men, because I was not as worthy as my husband.
I was taught to respect men, because I should have seen that rape coming.

I was taught to respect men, but I was never taught to respect myself.
I was taught to fear men, but was never taught that I shouldn’t have to.
I was taught to hate my body, but was never taught that my body was beautiful.
I was taught to hate myself, but was never taught that my personality is unlike any other.
I was taught to hate my brain, because it could not produce such valid ideas like a man’s could.
I was taught to hate everything about me, and accept every sexual-oriented “compliment” he pays me.

My body means nothing.
My mind means nothing.
My personality means nothing.
Because as far as I’m concerned,
I’m just a walking sex toy.
I’m just a walking rape target.

God forbid I had a life outside self-hatred.
God forbid I had a life outside fear.
God forbid I had a life outside gender-biased respect.

That respect was not earned.
That respect was not warranted.
That respect is not true respect.
That respect is fear coated in good behavior.
That respect gains nothing.

Lack of respect is punishment.
Respect is a safe-haven, you don’t get raped as badly.
Lack of respect is punishment.
Respect is a safe-haven, you don’t get assaulted as badly.
Lack of respect is punishment.
But god forbid I respect myself enough to walk away.

I was taught two things.
Fear and respect.
I was never taught two things.
Self-Love and Self-Respect.