part 2 The Valley Of Bitter Waters / The Search

I'm in the neighborhood

The moon rose, and the sun followed for two full days.  Grief, my companion pressed me to keep walking. A slight breeze walked ahead of me preparing the woods for my passing. Dog and Cloud, my pale tan painted pony, trailed behind me.  Finally, the pain in my feet grew greater than the loss of my people, and I came to a stop. 

My thoughts wandered back to my village as I returned every one to their own dwelling.  Each of them was carefully tucked beneath their blanket. Then with my pony loaded down, I started my walk and never looked back. There was no need to look back their images were all around me.

Turning to face Cloud he stopped walking. I stroked his neck. "I'm sorry old horse, but I cannot take another step." My stomach protested loudly, but my companion would not let me eat.

I climbed on the litter Cloud pulled behind him. I closed my eyes and dog laid down beside me.   He was more coyote than dog, with a wild heart and the instincts to match. Mostly, he kept me from feeling all alone.  Sleep swept over me. With a sudden jarring motion, Cloud continued our journey to, nowhere. His gentle stride pulled be back to many yesterdays, all of them happy.

Images swam the stream of my memory like late summers salmon compelled to return to the place of their birth. I struggled to wake and free myself from the torment of death shadows. The happy days blended and mixed with the carnage I found. All I wanted was to wake.

A man's battle-cry flooded my mind. The scream grew louder. I made myself wake, rolled off the travois and landed on my feet. With blade in hand, I searched for the fight. Truth rushed over me the screams were mine. I fell to my knees and for the first time cried. 

Women's tears are endless, but men have only so many. As my last tear fell I spied my weapon.

I grabbed my long-gun and took off looking for dinner. The sun hung low, a soft shadow fell across the woods. I faced the stream with the days fading light and posed beside a great tree. Then I waited. The memory of my father waited with me, and I Whispered to him. "So do you think a deer will come," but he had nothing to say back to me. 

 Deer tracks told me they drink here. Evening's shadow thickened. Motion caught my eye a small rabbit hid under a skirted cedar. He nervously twitched his ear as I lowered my long-gun.  My blade cut the air and pinned my dinner to the ground.  I shouldered my weapon and made camp.

Soon a warm glowing fire bloomed all around me.  I watched stars appear and wondered if my wife and son could see me. The thought of them standing there made me rise to my feet. The breeze that walked with me all the day long went to bed, and the forest grew still. The smell of rabbit rubbed in sage enraged my hunger. However, I ate with no satisfaction, then slept without thought.

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

this is great, i love this story you managed to come across very authentic in your characters portrayal. I enjoy his dialogue with the spirits in his interactions with the movement of the story, mixed in with his suffering it rings very true and natural.

[Cherrie]

Thank you so much. I really have an affection for this story.
I want it to have a natural feel of a man reliving is sorrow and try to find that blending of fact to feelings. Topped off with a smidgen of "what if".
I keep telling everyone one I have the next stop parked in my head. If only I'll write it down. Maybe today.

[Robert Trakofler]

yes yes yes

[barleygirl]

I love this little mini-story (so far?) I love writing that features a Native American voice & you've done this without any distracting stereotypes. I love the comparison to salmon seeking their home stream. You use such a wide variety of imagery for all the senses which makes your writing sparkle (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Cherrie]

I really like this simple story. I have the next installment in my little head. If I will just make the time to write it.
What attracts me to this kind of folklore is the layers flowing between what we know, what we feel and the possibilities of the unknown. :)
Margie, I am glad you are enjoying this.
PS I'll try to keep the commercials to a minimum.

[Cherrie]

Ya know it would be funny to write a comment in the middle of a story.
I may have to do that.

[barleygirl]

Ken Simm uses conversational asides in his writing & I really enjoy them. I agree, I do like the unspoken idea that we are all connected, that seems to reverberate thru stories with a native flair . . .

[Cherrie]

I agree with that. I heard it said once that the modern/civilized people think they own land. Native Americans thought of the land as a member of their Community. Even though my name is own a deed for title. I see that notion at work. We must work with nature and not against her. Cause the minute we stop the crusade Nature will have her way and file for domain.

[Neville]

am so glad you posted this your first draft of a particularly engaging tale... I shall enjoy seeing how this pans out and evolves over time...if indeed it does.. I like this version... N

[Cherrie]

Thank you:) part 2 still needs a tweak here and there. I think I can finish this in one more section.

[Neville]

go for it,, we are waiting :)

[NotUsinganymore]

Very nice usage of words. I liked it very much! I also liked how easy it was to read for someone who is still learning English.

[Cherrie]

Thank you Jung Lee. I'm glad learning another language is tough. It is so much more than just learning words. I'm grateful you enjoyed it.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like how you are using the words. I tell the young writers. Ensure you use the when, what, where, who and how of every situation in the story. You do dear Cherrie. Happy New Year and I wish you happiness and great success in 2019.
Coyote

[Cherrie]

I have to go back and clean it up and switch up a word or two but I'm in the neighborhood.
And I try to keep the 5 W's with me at all times

[Cherrie]

I hope you have a save and happy new year. :) and all the blessings you can hold.

[Coyote Poetry]

I love your work dear Cherrie. I wish you happiness and a successful 2019.