Prologue

The sunset that late summer evening had mimicked the pastels of a water painting, with the light blues, violets and vivid pinks weaved through the clouds, an angry orange color highlighting the city horizon filled with buildings of every shape and size, illuminating and painting the city multiple colors like one would if they were to set a iridescent glass model over a fiber-optic light.

That, Elixir supposed, was why they’d named it Crystal City.

 The huge skyscrapers that formed the environment had walls built entirely of glass-- the kind that NASA once used for space shuttles hundreds of years before. Inside, citizens worked busily, like workers in a beehive.

    Everything worked systematically, like the cogs in a machine; organized, timely, and precise. Citizens always had a place to be, and worked busily amongst each other without so much as a word, smile, or sign of acknowledgement.

    That’s how society lived in Crystal City. It wasn’t acceptable to speak unless entirely necessary, and certainly wasn’t to socialize before work time was done.

    Order was what was required to keep living after the Apocalypse. Chaos had ensued, countries whom had once been allies turning against each other and destroying everything on-sight, annihilating approximately 50% of the population of the world, nearly destroying the planet itself. The victors of the Apocalypse took over and created the most organized civilization in history, the beginning of a new age.

    All disputes had been silenced. There hadn’t been a war in nearly one hundred years. No more uprisings. If there were signs of an uprising, it would be subdued before it grew out of hand. Some may consider it a perfect world, if they didn’t know better.

And they didn’t.
But it’s not.
    It’s just the opposite.

Reviews

[Mazie]

Hello CarnegieBoundKate :) I'm brand new to this website and can't wait to get busy critiquing.
Your prologue is very nice and you write beautifully :)

I would like to suggest that you place you flop your first and second paragraphs. I feel that your second paragraph will serve as a better hook, and then you can follow up with your beautiful first paragraph. So you could write, "[This] Elixir supposed...." first.

Another suggestion, that I may or may not regret making after I read the following chapters, is to use your prologue (or part of it) as your blurb. I've heard that agents don't really like prologues
(I just got rid of mine), but most of this would work great as a blurb.

[Kate Hunter]

Thank you for your advice! I greatly appreciate it.

[A. Amos]

Great synopsis, seem like you did complete work in your story. Simply impressive!

[zion]

Why you don't have any reviews is beyond me. Your writing is so vibrant you paint a good picture in my head. And it's just the prologue. i like it :)

-zion

[Kate Hunter]

Thank you so much!

[Giggs]

I really enjoyed the way this prologue introduces your setting. As a reader as well as a writer, I have learned that if you want one of the best books, you need one of the best settings. I think that Crystal City can be categorized as one of those "best settings." It seems to me like a place where great characters can be born to break the mold of their society.

You first description was fantastic, and did an excellent job of pulling me into the scene. I especially enjoyed the brief history that was provided, as it sets the mood for the story and ties it to the world we live in. The prologue as a whole was well written, and well paced. It didn't feel rushed, and every point that needed to be told was there.

Your writing is descriptive, precise, and elegant. I cannot wait to read more.

[Kate Hunter]

Thank you!

[Giggs]

Ah, I just read the tags and "Mind Control" stuck out. Now I am more excited to read (and learn about the history) than ever.

[Kate Hunter]

haha thank you. ^_^