Chapter 8

I locked myself inside my room when I went home and I cried all night. I also skipped dinner and it’s a big deal because I’m so hungry and I don’t have the energy to grab a snack from my secret drawer under my bed.

 

So I cried again.

 

Feeling so betrayed.

 

I un-liked Johnny B. in a short period of time to make way for Beth’s happiness but this is something deeper than that. I should be happy for Hannah but I can’t un-love someone just because someone’s trying to love him too.

 

The next day, I attended school of course. I don’t like my parents being suspicious and all.

 

I still haven’t talk to Beth about what happened to Hannah and why I’m not trying to tell her but she’s really happy that she now have me solo.

 

We’re walking to the cafeteria when I spotted Hannah talking to Johnny B. I asked Beth if she’s okay with that and she shrugged “Yeah, as if Peter will dump me for the kid and we’ve been hanging out together for a while now”

 

I smiled, this is Beth, she’s always confident. And I’ve never been confident of myself since like the beginning of forever.

 

So I told her that she can go meet Johnny B. first, I made up an excuse that I’m going to eat out to meet Mom for my prom dry-run.

 

She’s so excited with the thought that I actually have interest with prom.

 

I don’t want to disappoint her, but I have no choice.

 

So, I went to Blue Lagoons and sat at the right side of the counter. I ordered ginseng and plum juice with rainbow sprinkle. It taste awful but it looks cute. Suddenly, Hannah came to my thoughts knowing that she’s like this beverage, she can deceive people. And I’m one of her victims.

 

I told her almost everything about us.

 

She knows how much I love Mike. I never expected her to fall for him as I describe all the things that made me fall. Mike… Mike… I love him.

 

I love him so much that it hurts.

 

Not aware of my actions, I took a sip from my juice again “Ugh this taste awful” I said in disgust.

 

“Did you fell in love?” the diner girl suddenly asked while holding an ice cream. I didn’t even noticed that she’s here.

 

“Excuse me?” I’m not sure if she’s talking to me.

 

“Do you know how it feels to actually be in love with somebody?”

 

“Of course” I said, chaotic on where the hell our conversation started.

 

“Oh, and do you know how much it hurts when the people around you forbids the love you’ve been giving?” her voice cracked as if she’s about to cry.

 

Of course I do, I know how much it hurts. I know pain better than anyone else. But I didn’t tell her. Instead, I grabbed her hand and held it for a very long time. I just want her to feel that I’m here… someone’s here for her.

 

“I love my brother”

 

I looked at her, shocked. The rumor has it!

 

“What the fudge? Your... what? That’s incest”

 

“I know… it’s barred”

 

“Your life is pretty fucked up”

 

Diner girl ran outside when I was only about to tell her that I’m not going to judge her even if it’s her choice. So I just decided to go back to school since I’ve been out for quite a long time. Beth will start to suspect if I skip Spanish too.

 

Even if she’s not taking it with me, she’ll find out coz’ she’s just right across the hall. And she knows the story behind my hatred towards Williams and has always been doubting that I will attend all his classes.

 

That afternoon though, Beth and Johnny B. had a fight. So Beth is quite in a pretty bad frame of mind. If I skipped Spanish earlier today, I’m sure that Beth won’t even notice.

 

But Mom would…

 

So maybe, I made the right choice.

 

Now, we’re on the car and I’m driving Beth home. I don’t want her to get into accident. Her temper makes her prone to death.

 

“Why do you hate Hannah?” I asked, in try to get her mind off the reason why she’s mad at Johnny B.

 

“I don’t hate her I just don’t like her”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“Yes…” she paused and then looked at me “But why are you avoiding her?”

 

I hesitated.

 

Should I tell her?

 

“She asked me to meet her the other day” I started while gripping at the handle so hard that my knuckles turns white “She’s with Mike” I continued.

 

Her jaw dropped. “So, they’re like a thing now?” she asked.

 

I nod.

 

“She watched you as you grieve” she said silently, almost a whisper. “How could she? I’ve always thought that you’re still in love with him. I can tell, just from the way you say his name. And I can say confidently that she saw that. She knows how much you love Mike”

 

“I seriously feel betrayed”

 

“Oh Sweet, I’m so sorry” she whispered

 

“It’s not your fault” I said, trying to hold back the tears.