dinner to dusk

you held my eyes

    as the tables spun wild

    around us

 

in fast forward flashes

   blurred by thick

   dream-filled eyelashes

never once did we glimpse

    these shoes, broken in

free of dreams

           darker now

dust coated

     (slick lust ashes)

tarnished souls thirsting -

     memories of days before

we were worn,                                                  

     forgotten speckle-streaks

     in this our placating patina

shutters-strewn

     drapes askew

               those lights we dimmed

               to dance and feel and touch

renew

 

how then

seated so close

electricity danced between

your shoulder

and mine

(the glint of your eyes, our candlelight)

how then

 

did we not see now

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Heartfelt piece... I like the tone of this one; it is almost written in a sort of frenzy. I enjoyed the way that you changed the rhythm and flow toward the end to something more like a heartbeat; this worked well with your overall theme. There is saddness here...I can relate to this on a level of seeing it as a metaphor for missed opportunities--the way that a thing can progress and change, and only in looking back do we truly see what went wrong. Nicely written.

[sivan]

i like the rhythm of the poem also you paint a lovely picture with your words

[K. Louis]

i like the variation in rhythm here...although I'm not sure (slick lust ashes) fits for me (but that doesn't really matter)...I kept stumbling there.. the rhyme at the end of that middle body spill is quite the touch...and I thought the conclusion was perfect alone on its own..separated. how then.....did we not see now. Lovely