read me

breathe with me

in this our

last

tonight

 

touch my hand

 

    unravel

the what could be

               

 

indulge my venture

hold my

crush

 

i can’t wish away

the grey

 

but i still see

      the white

       of    

    us

Reviews

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Said in such sad sighs, you breath out this poem reluctantly...but you exhale beautiful sorrow. The longing felt here is palpable. Gorgeous words, but I expect no less from you.

[Ken Simm.]

Ah that last stanza. The whole is beautiful and poignant but that last stanza...

[Emily B]

love, love, love the passion and seduction of this one

[icelandicblue]

This has a fatalistic feel to it. It is in the moment that love resides and to take the chance for even a fleeting time will be worth the effort. The construct is simple but the idea of the poem is filled with hope.

[Dana Alsamsam]

this was so beautiful. a loss, a hope, a waiting. your ability to mask a profound idea in simplicity and few words is one that i admire greatly. this piece is incredible.

reminds me sadly of someone who i recently had to spend a "last tonight" with...emotions felt.

[ChemicalMadness]

That you so much, Dana

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I can't wish away
the grey

but I still see
the white
of
us -- beautiful lines, and a fantastic ending...white being the perfect metaphor for purity and innocence, perhaps a lost innocence of sorts.

I always find emotion in your work...depth beyond the depth, so to speak. Conversely, I often feel as though you are trying to say something that you just aren't willing to say...i.e. the cryptic. :) That's okay, though, because it makes for good poetry. Allow the reader to inffuse themselves into your words and find their own journey.

[Ed Hart]

i had one of those nights...it took twenty years to fade into the tapestry...now you come along with this poem, pointing to it

[ChemicalMadness]

I go where i'm led. It's good to find friends when i get there.

[K. Louis]

little words...lots of stuff. I like when you go minimalistic..

[ChemicalMadness]

thank you...i'm feeling a little......minimalistic these days ;)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Such a bittersweet taste of the "last tonight"...in between the grey you still see white. How beautiful it is to indulge in that precious moment. If only it could last...(sigh)

I love your play on words... it's a dreamy maze to ponder. Wonderful write! xx

[ChemicalMadness]

i like 'dreamy maze'....it fits. thank you so much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i still see us with clarity...that which was pure...a love strong...not the grey area...not what has lost its luster..

one last night of us...with hopes that the future isn't impossible, yet the speaker knows he or she is hanging on to something that is lost or about to be lost.

really well done...with your usual smooth flair.

[ChemicalMadness]

thank you, my friend.