when we

i want to leave you

        just to make you

         homesick

 

i want you

     etched

on me

as I am

  you

 

can you

taste

    what's left of our

essence

 

in this state

     i asked you to leave

it's not fair

     to recall

 

what's left of us

is

fragile

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Such depth in the emotion of this one... The idea of tragic sweetness; a poisoned apple of sorts. I can relate to this one...a relating that goes beyond the words that you have written and into the core of the entire context of the write.

can you
taste
what's left of our
essence -- great lines...the addition of the sensory element is a nice touch.

I want to leave you
just to make you
homesick -- another great set of lines that seem to relate to the idea of a waning love that needs a jolt of electricity to re-ignite the fire.

I could go on, but then I would be quoting the entire piece. This is one of my favorites of yours, I think. You write so concisely, and yet you convey such a breadth of feeling. Well done.

[K. Louis]

This made my heart sink to my stomach. There's some hard history between the lines but history can be rewritten and sometimes, time is the best beacon..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i want you to miss me...maybe rekindle the feelings that are left, maybe increase them...is there hope?

we are fragile, hanging by a thread...could we be sewn back up with some distance?

love this piece...two edits though..."it's not fair" and in two spots it's "what's" in those other two spots.


"in this state" i like that with a double meaning...in the state of our relationship, but in the state we live in...and if i leave the state, will absence make the heart grow fonder????

[ChemicalMadness]

First, as always, I'm always so happy to see you've stopped through....and enjoyed..

Second...this is why I shouldn't post late night....sloppy work....i can't say it will be my last, but i will say i am glad that i've got you here to help me clean up my mess....Thank you, Jacob. I think i fixed everything...I truly hate when I do that....

CM

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you did CM ...and i am sorry, i always feel like people probably hate me for pointing out those edits..but i do feel the poet would rather not have a post stay up with errors...i know i hate it if i miss something and post a piece with a mistake....it drives me crazy to know anybody read it...

jacob

[ChemicalMadness]

my friend, you can only abuse the rules once you know them....after that, it's either intentional (and with a purpose) or it's a mistake....you caught my mistakes. believe me when i tell you, i truly appreciate the editing!!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

There's a tug of war in these words...something alluring about the monopoly of emotions strung along into each pearl of thought.
I enjoyed the fragility at the end of this tender write. The phrase "out of sight, out of mind" could not have been more out of place in this particular moment... for the essence still lingers, and very much etched on the mind...Breathtaking!