impasse

stepped out of the car

soles touched

ground crunched

brittle like stones

            and glass

now trapped in my tread

 

looked out over the water

            light filtered

            the way only light can

    through branches

             breached leaves

i saw molecules float-swimming

in dust and gray

            no care

            no reason

free of breath

captured only in vision

 

i’m surprised

at the line of sight

this far down

this near

            conclusion

and though i stand high above

    it seems i’m down in the water

    i believe i may be in it

soles and stones be damned

 

the mountains stand

            passive

secure in knowing

            they will ever be

            they hold the answers

            entombed by life’s layers

unspoken oaths

quiet secrecy

 

knowing fire can only

            bring life anew

            writing lines in stone

hiding one more chapter

            never to be trapped

            underfoot

            under heart

forging tomorrow’s stones

            for soles

            other than these

Reviews

[Cool Handless Luke]

i’m surprised
at the line of sight
this far down
this near
conclusion
and though i stand high above
it seems i’m down in the water
i believe i may be in it
soles and stones be damned

i think every line jumped out at me. this was an awesome piece and it's meaning (at least for me) rang true with every passing word. you displayed a fine grasp for line structure, gaps and spacing. i agree with ken - this is remarkable work.

[Ken Simm.]

I don't agree that this is too cryptic. This to me is a single picture, almost slowed down film. That portrays a number of pathways into a number of layered meanings. We place ourselves as the protagonist and we take it then into our own experience. This is exactly what remarkable poetry should do and this is remarkable poetry.

[ChemicalMadness]

Ken - I just happened to be catching up on some thank-yous when your post popped up. It seems I have one more (big) thank you to catch up on. that you felt the pace of this exactly as i did when i wrote it ("almost slowed down film") is remarkable. i almost jumped up and yelled "YES!"....thank you so very much for sharing. your comments have encouraged me to make sure I do a better job sharing my feedback with the writers i have come to enjoy here...because I often get too rushed and forget to capture something and relay it - and that just deprives the writer of feeling the type of joy you just allowed me to feel....which is a pity (the depriving bit, not the joy bit ;). thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, my friend.
CM

[Ken Simm.]

You have reminded me that I do the same, paying short shirft to the wonderful people who make extraordinary connections and gestalts in my work. I should learn to thank them properly.
"From my point of view, he can be called a remarkable man who stands out from those around him by the resourcefulness of his mind, and who knows how to be restrained in the manifestations which proceed from his nature, at the same time conducting himself justly and tolerantly towards the weaknesses of others."
George Gurdjieff.

[emmajoy]

' .. brittle like stones ~ and glass ~ now trapped in my tread .. '

Looking all around, down - perhaps past reflected, up - perhaps future.. the fire a longing to be something or somewhere else, or wanting to alter or be rid of. There's more than the beautiful words and their flow here. Guess every reviewer could see this differently, inviting thought is the finest thing a good poet can do and, you are of them.

' .. the mountains stand ~ passive ~ secure in knowing ~ they will ever be ~ they hold the answers ~
entombed by life’s layers ..'

[ChemicalMadness]

thank you so much! your high praise has started my day with a smile :)

[K. Louis]

Everything from stepping out of the car..to stones and glass...to the way the light passed through the water..really beautiful imagery...and then there is a shift.."I saw molecules float-swimming in dust and gray no care no reason free of breath" -- I really loved that line, for one moment, I felt a little envy of the things that can be alive this way..."and though I stand high above it seems i'm down in the water I believe I may be in it"...you may think you know how all the puzzle pieces fit together, but somehow they still manage to crumble in your hands..then the mountains standing passive already knowing secrets..."entombed in life's layers"...just beautiful! Now..towards the end when I first read through I felt a sense of re-birth...but after another read through it spoke more to me as the interconnectedness of everything. There's a real feeling of loss here, but even beauty is still seen. This piece moved me, I love it CM. Very well done.

[ChemicalMadness]

So glad you connected, K. As Sarah pointed out, this one is a little cryptic, I suppose - not at all intentional....sometimes when I'm trying to get out a time/place/scene that is in my head, the clarity of my vision doesn't quite translate and I wish I could squeeze the reader into my brain for just a few seconds to get it like I get it....and here it seems you've come quite close. No magic tricks necessary...I loved your take on this....

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Hmm...I see you have taken your cryptic pills today :)

Okay, so I'm seeing a man looking out at a lake, but in this I find that he is both doubting himself (his life, the path he has chosen, etc.), and accepting the fact that there are just some things that cannot be done or undone (the mountains hold the answers entombed by life's layers). I'm probably completely off, but you didn't make it easy with this one, so I will just comment on the pieces I took from this. In a strange way, this reminded me of my piece I wrote last night, "The Cylcle", how we are all connected in some way by this thread throughout time and space, and the answers remain hidden until we have really learned the lessons that needed to be learned. I don't know...this was nicely written, though, my friend.

[ChemicalMadness]

You got me. I was indeed taking my cryptic pills. This was a tough(er) one for me....because I had a scene and a feeling (or two ;) in my head and I was trying to capture it all. And then you do what we do and you lay it out there for all (ok, a few loyal readers ;) to see, and you hope that they come away with what you intended and.........sometimes it just falls flat. I'm not saying i read your interpretation as "this fell flat"....just saying that was my concern. But I've been quite pleased with the reactions - maybe not one of my more popular pieces, but one that seems to have at least led to some pondering...which is (almost) all I can ask for. I liked your take as well, GF. One of these days, I am going to write nothing but overt lines for a week and it will shock the s**t out of you..... ;)

CM

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Yes please...overt lines...with a few *small* metaphors mixed in. I think people liked this one because the language was beautiful and the emotional level was high.

[Quill~]

What you have describe is a reflection of a soul's renewal- rebirth, as if the fire is set ablaze...forging on to create life once more...

"knowing fire can only

bring life anew

writing lines in stone

hiding one more chapter

never to be trapped

underfoot

under heart

forging tomorrow’s stones

for soles

other than these"

For me it has always been the fire within.
I enjoyed the weaving of nature in this piece... the steady mountains have implanted ancient
secrets in my mind. An evocative write! :)

[ChemicalMadness]

DG - loved your take here...definitely in line...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

interesting part about the fire...

this is like taking a walk, maybe a last walk...knowing how mortal we are...we will live and die...

young or old...yet the mountains, the sea, the sky...some forms of life will be there always...maybe not recoginzed, many glossed over...so this time will it be just nature that is taken on to the ark if all is destroyed...

maybe he will want to start over.

[ChemicalMadness]

Jacob - happy to see your feedback, as always, my friend. i was hoping to avoid connections that were too staid, formulaic, or traditional....there was an interconnectedness and a weaving going on in my mind as i considered this place (it's an actual place i've been to many times), what it means to me, and what it might mean later in life, and even beyond what i know of life....i won't say more than that, but i sense that you took a little bit of that walk with me, and for that, I am grateful....