imparted

the tread of your tires

pressed firm

across the ground

of my heart

 

i called in the experts

to examine

the intricate patterns

you left behind

            very puzzling

            have you ever seen anything quite

            like

            this

 

the blades of my soul

no longer sway

gentle breeze

turned straight-line

crop circles explained

            nothing more than a furious wake

 

in dreams i recall

            my eyes open in the murky

            mud of your leftover

            heart water

the almost shape of your

all terrain smile

   and i awake wondering

 

what pieces of you

            will remain

            in the rut of me

and will the earth recognize

            what  i’ve returned

            as ours

 

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Well, all that I can say is that whoever this is written for is one lucky lady... I love the tenor of your voice in terms of poetry; you always hit all the right notes and the melody rages with such a quickening breath that I usually have a hard time not leaning close to the screen while reading.

what pieces of you
will remain
in the rut of me
and will the earth recognize
what i've returned
as ours -- incredible...these lines...these are the ones...

[ChemicalMadness]

I have to say, that is an interesting, and sort of unexpected take you came away with...I didn't necessarily see the "lucky lady" angle as clearly....but I think it's a very intriguing interpretation. You always help me see things through another lens....thank you!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Well, I meant, lucky lady in the fact that you feel so much emotion and show it in your writing that whomever is your muse is a lucky lady. Of course, I felt the saddness in this, that was obvious, but still, saddness in an emotion...a strong one...

[Aethereal]

A beautiful cadence and metaphor here. She's treading over you forming an impression within the rut of you. You are the Earth.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really love your phrasing...and your writing in general...very taken by this piece, the only thing i longed for was a return later in the poem back to the tire idea...just to keep it symmetrical.

but a really strong love poem...and i liked the voice talking about the puzzling patterns...

[ChemicalMadness]

"all terrain smile" 4th stanza.....i thought that carried the tire idea through....not enough?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, to that point...i guess "in the rut of me" in the last stanza could be attributed to the tire idea.

it's really a minor point on a really good poem...

[ChemicalMadness]

well, you know i appreciate the feedback...it's always hard to get a truly critical look at your own work until you see it through someone else's eyes.....not that everything should always be scrutinized to the nth degree...but i appreciate input and do my best to take it to heart.

I'm glad you enjoyed.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i agree with your perspective...i like the honest feedback, it tells me what's working or not...
read morei agree with your perspective...i like the honest feedback, it tells me what's working or not...

and helps me look back on my own work with a more critical eye.

even if we leave as is...the suggestions are worth taking in and pondering...

i agree.

CM you're so seasonal first of all, and connected deeply into the inner self, you create here a serene piece full of pathos, and the circles as they speak personally to me too in Mathematical Cycloids, or as you discribe them so perfect into this sentence: "turned straight-line
crop circles explained
nothing more than a furious wake" I only admire you, for you're a real lucid writer, you have touched sad beauty with an almost clairvoyant mind... yes yes, it's fantastic, to read you. I will save this for better and even deeper realisation in the meantime, (I'm no no superficial reader, so I shall come back at least a 20/30 times) so if your counting is high, well, hello it's Eli..... ;) haha) loved this!!!! your muse must be lucky ;-)

- Elisa

[Dana Alsamsam]

this is such an incredible piece that will leave its tracks in my mind for sure! every one that is important to us in our lives leave some sort of track on our life, this person seems to have driven a bit recklessly and left some rather deep ruts...i hope eventually they can convert to memories that you smile upon. like earned tiger stripes, stretch marks from living life. i particularly enjoyed these lines:
"in dreams i recall
my eyes open in the murky
mud of your leftover
heart water
the almost shape of your
all terrain smile"

you encapsulate the shape of her body in the beauty of these shaped lines. great work!

[ChemicalMadness]

so glad you connected....

[eglantine]

Wow, simply wow! My favorite of yours thus far. Love the dialogue. Love the crop circles and " my eyes open in the murky / mud of your leftover / heart water" Absolutely brilliant! I'm on the fence about the last line... seems a bit too much of a clean ending. I don't think it's necessary, especially because the statement before that is so awesome ("and will the earth recognize / what i've returned / as ours") .

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed....

The jury is still out on that last line...but I think I'm with you. I fought myself on it for a while and decided to leave it and come back with fresh eyes later....so, funny that you had a similar reaction. Thank you for the feedback!
CM.

[K. Louis]

I agree here on the last line.. and splendid read CM! :)

[Horizon K.]

can you ever love anyone and they not leave their tread across your soul, their imprint on your heart, and even when they leave, you can never go back to being the same person exactly as you were before... altered in shape forever as you had changed yourselves to fit together... though some of those new pieces you may want to keep... I loved the lines and metaphors through this. Beautiful one CM.

[ChemicalMadness]

Love your take in this one! Thank you so much for the feedback.

CM