mine of ours

show me 
    something 

these nothing nights 
        more chase 
               than fight 

is it wrong? 
  (ill never tell)
you're not doing it 
      right 

i lost you 
so long ago 
i can't even find 
myself 

in breaths frozen,
      in tidy explanation,

my teeth clenched 
           and heart braced 

i admit. 

     (i lost us)

 

Reviews

[Zahra]

Wow the brevity of this poem carries so much meanings and story of a loss. Really very nice

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you so much. I"m glad you stopped by and enjoyed.

[ChemicalMadness]

When two once loved so deeply they become one person, this is a touching and heartfelt piece my friend, for the second last stanza speaks out the cruelty of the loss. "I lost us" is where I could feel the terrible pain, for you did lose a part of yourself, into this person, yes. Nice nice work.

- Elisa

[ChemicalMadness]

thank you so much!

I love your voice deeply, so thank you dear...

[Dana Alsamsam]

"i lost you
so long ago
i can't even find
myself"
this represents beautifully how when we commit ourselves to another person, we become a part of them. when the "us" is lost, often neither person can find themselves. but love and loss is all part of life and we take ourselves out of one puzzle and become a piece in the next, tessellate with somebody else.

stylistically and form wise your work reminds me of e.e. cummings who is my favorite poet- well done!

[Ed Hart]

some losses are heavier than the heart that carries them...our posture never gets quite right

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the tragedy that can be in relationships as they fall apart...and the regrets we feel because we think if we would have done things differently, the relationship would still be whole...and we wouldn't have lost not only the relationship but ourselves as well...

we chase dreams, we chase romance...then we fight it in some way...and lose it in another.

i spent years sabotaging relationships i was in, because of past hurt...

hurt the other, leave the other before that person hurts or leaves us.

we lose something of ourselves each time...until there is nothing of us left.

a piece of poetry that pushes the thought of the reader...

i love the title...and that reminds me how sometimes the "self" overrides the "us" and when that happens the relationship loses the chance to succeed...i was guilty of that before and learned the hard way that we always need to consider the feelings of the other person...and not get lost in our own wants and needs.

this one makes me keep coming back...reminds me of being in relationships for a time that were over months before...

really good stuff, CM...

i relate so much to many of your writings...there is an openness and sincerity to your writing.

jacob

[ChemicalMadness]

Jacob,
I truly appreciate your words. To know you've found so much in my words is humbling. You always bring so much with your reviews. I am fortunate to count you amongst my friends here.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Such sublime and tragic thought in this piece...the knowing that things have been lost even while they are still tangibly there. The good thing is...there is always time to find the lost things... Well written; this is one I would love to chat about over tea in some obscure coffee shop somewhere. Nicely done.