that second

can i take you in 

   (hollow ache)
   like cold breath 

can i hold you until
       our life 
              cheats death 

nothing here 
    is perfunctory -
  

there is no nonchalance 
     in these beats 

the spaces between 
       your fingers 
       hold significance 
with 

     such 

            defiant 
   aplomb 

my heart 
      is feverishly 
      taking notes 

can i? 
(should we?)

and your eyes narrow 
   your skin laughs 
   in perfect concert 
with my befuddled soul 

while the hair tucked 
          behind your ear mocks 
as if to say 

       silly man 

you never had to 

     ask

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

Maybe not asking, but maybe so. Maybe there is power in putting the words out there? Consideration in the act of asking? We may "know" something, but until it is confirmed, maybe we do not "know" it so well as we think.

In 2009, I lost an opportunity to tell a great friend I was sorry, that I loved him, that he was the most important influence in my life. I learned of his death while trying to track him down online to repair a misunderstanding. Since then, as hard as it is, I have always made it ahabit to tell people in my life what they mean to me, and how I feel about them. Most are less uncomfortable than might be imagined.

Your work has a light and abstract quality to it. You tell a tale in fragments, and you do it skillfully... most cannot get that right. In someone else's hands, this might be words on a page. In yours, it is a tale of magic. Beautiful.

[ANTO]

Oh dear God Marie. That is such a sad tale about your friend - Im sorry for your loss.

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank you very much. I have written for him several times, and I think he helps me as a muse still sometimes. It did hurt, and I will never stop misisng him. But I think some part is there. We carry the great ones with us.

[ANTO]

Oh that is such a wonderful thing to say. im sure he's proud

[Marie Anzalone]

if you are at all interested, I wrote this for him the day I learned of his death:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/hauntedfox/445626/

[lost girl]

There are so many great and emotional moments in this piece of realistic fascination. I am taken to a place I can feel smiles... feel the closeness of breath, the light touch upon my hand...upon my cheek. touching the wisps of my hair tucked playfully behind me ear. I'm giddy!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

You brought and intimate tone to this piece. The questions linger heavily in the air...as if clinging
in desperation, for something more....and you didn't even have to ask, that's the beauty in the end...

For me, the pivotal point of this write is the "not knowing" whether the other will accept your affection... the intensity lies within the anticipation.

Nicely penned!

[Dana Alsamsam]

i know this ones from a while ago, but i just realized i never read this RR! i really love and relate to the last section- reminds me of a boy who asked to kiss me when it was so obvious that i wanted to. in fact this whole piece brought me to memories of him. your words are laced with a light romance and flirtation. great work :)

[K. Louis]

You really know how to invite the reader to escape and then completely take them away at the end...

[Ken Simm.]

That last line. How often do we get there and realise its too late. A well crafted piece that spins its message fine and does so with great beauty.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

as if to say
silly man
you never had to
ask -- yes...this is it...the perfect ending.

Should we? Shouldn't we? Do we do what we are supposed to do, or what we want to do? Why do humans have to be so damned complex, huh? Well done, CM.

[Ed Hart]

you sure do write a good poem, my friend

[_mal]

This is really beautiful.