watching them watching us

can we count them

                she asked

  her life

    full of breath

 

and i wondered

   how long

   until our hearts

   tasted death

 

can we name them

                more begged

         than asked

her skirt said IMPLORE

in all capital letters

   rising breasts teasing -

       the soft touch

   of sweaters

 

how long have they been

   no, how long can we

   stay

   before they all

         fall

   and get in our way

 

do you think we can last as long as their light

    my love

    it’s probably best

    we just hold

    the night

Reviews

[Corset]

She stands breathless counting stars, he stands counting down the days to death, she wants to name them and carry them home, he is in the swell of her sweater, something seems to want to come between these two, fate, divine intervention, she sees forever, he wants to make it through the night...
I can't decide if this is a love poem or not...in any case the wording is beautiful and makes you THINK its a love poem. excellent read

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Very sweet and tenderly sensual. I can clearly see two lovers together looking up at the night sky; watching the stars. I also like the metaphorical significance of the woman watching the stars while the man watches her... an interesting juxtaposition. Nicely written, CM.

[Frieda P]

A moment, when time stands still and there are no others, just the moon, and star crossed lovers. Luverly....

[ChemicalMadness]

Aw shucks. Good to see ya, F.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I drank in every word...
Not only did you sweep me away, but I also felt the stars vibrantly shining in the night.
Hold tight, sweet Poet...

"do you think we can last as long as their light

my love

it’s probably best

we just hold

the night"~ This is lovely!

My response...none other than Pablo Neruda, of course... :)

"in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine."~Pablo Neruda

[ChemicalMadness]

I can't thank you enough for those kind words. So happy you enjoyed!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I did...enjoyed this immensely! :)

[Ed Hart]

puts me in mind of mathew arnold's 'dover beach' and herrick's 'gather ye rosebuds...' with your own unique flavoring, of course...a splendid write...'the soft touch of sweaters', yum

[ChemicalMadness]

Thanks ed. Yes on the soft touch.

[emmajoy]

The eyes have it .. those last three lines are .. heartfelt.

[ChemicalMadness]

Thanks so much, Em!

[Ken Simm.]

I get the impression. Wrong though it may be. That this moment could only have happened in one place at one time. I don't think I've ever used Tour de force before in a review, but this one is.

[ChemicalMadness]

I'm so glad you felt that, Ken...while I always expect that the reader creates their own accompanying narrative, I was thinking along those lines when I wrote this....I appreciate your time and your thoughtfulness in sharing....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i love this poem.

reminds me of an old Peanuts comic strip...when Linus said to Lucy..."look at all those stars, wow, how many do you see?" and she replied, "all of them"---

stars burn out, just like relationships...yet their light lingers on long after...much like with some relationships.

nicely penned this piece is....

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you so much.