ours

inside of this

                is there much more we can ask

 

just to be

                here

on the inside

 

is it the here that matters

                no, it never was

 

ten thousand of these

                could never

 

how could they dare to be

                on the inside

                                with us

 

sunshine and moonscapes

                forgotten

                unpublished

                unlived

outside

 

the moment we stepped inside

                we closed in on everything

                leaves fluttered far away

breezes blew

                and blew away

                                like so many we never knew’s

                like mountains of they never had’s

 

look at me.

               

we touched it

didn’t we?

               

                the inside

Reviews

[Ghost of Jupiter]

I get a couple different ideas when reading this piece...the inside of "us" ...the connection between two people and how nobody can understand this inside world that is created and shared between the two. Or the inside of a creative mind, artistically expressed how the world is seen through their eyes. Wonderful work... creates a whirlwind of thoughts, another good pick. :)

[Cool Handless Luke]

the moment we stepped inside
we closed in on everything
leaves fluttered far away
breezes blew
and blew away
like so many we never knew’s
like mountains of they never had’s

some more poignant and cleverly worded phrases. i like the format you use. despite it's disjointed appearance your words manage to make it all flow. it reads very well. nice work.

[ChemicalMadness]

Thanks, chl!

[lee von cleef]

Good spot inside
the weight of taking it in can change the balance of life
Good spot inside
so so damn cold outside
Good spot inside
protected with all that has been, all that holds on,and the all of
Indifference
Good spot inside...

[ChemicalMadness]

Love it! Thanks, lee!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"Being John Malkovich"--oh yes, it is sort of like that here...good movie...John is from Benton...about 45 minutes from where i live..don't know if he is here much...but apparently some folks so him at a downtown bar with michelle pffeifer...several years back...that must have been an exprience.

i love this poem...touching, being on the inside..being there...like the minds of poets...we see things on the outside but write so much from within...love the "never knew's" and "never had's"

love how you play with words.

jacob

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you, Jacob.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

look at me.
we touched it
didn't we?
the inside -- you cut me with these lines...I can feel the blood beginning to boil and seep through the opening. Wow...an intense feeling to be so cut by words.

This is by far one of your best writes. I'm so extremely inspired right now by what you have put down that I feel the urge to soak in your words for about another half hour and then write for the rest of the night. Funny how different things touch different people. I have thought most of my stuff as of late has been on the "ick" side, but people seem to be moved...and then I read something like this and really feel like my stuff is icky in comparision. Okay, enough praise for you! Don't want it going to your head, but I have to say, I'd like to crawl into your brain for about an hour (sort of like in "Being John Malcovich") and see what happens.

[ChemicalMadness]

I find myself doing the same thing, re: comparing my writing with someone else's. I do it too much, but it's been difficult to rewire my brain....invariably, i read a piece I find stunning and I think, 'how could I ever do that?' Ours is not to replicate but to grow comfortable enough in our own skin that others will not covet what we do, but rather, seek out what we have done to get ourselves to such a place, that they might seek out their own such place. You shine through in your work, and you will continue to do so. I think part of what helps make you such a strong writer is the continual drive you have, not to "get" better at what you do, but to "be" better.....

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

You always know what to say...I like that about you.