Tuesday night - are we all right?

I don't know
Is that okay?
yesterday's yellow answers
all look brown
today

I can't feel
Is that all right?
lemonade lipstick danced
across my neck - stole my mind
tonight

When all I want
is to beach blanket roll
through sweat slickened dreams
my eyes don't make sense
and your heart break breath
turns its back
on me
asking more questions
my Achilles retreats
sore and slighted
our play
once delighted
now simply sits in the backseat breeze
and begs me to answer

What flavor are we?

Author's Note

Not formatted yet.

Reviews

[gcp]

Some lovely lines in this - lemonade lipstick is a great idea :)

good stuff :)

[TL Boehm]

what flavor are we? That made me smile. I enjoyed the use of color in this piece, yesterdays yellow answers all look brown today - Very nice.

[ChemicalMadness]

So happy to have made you smile! Thanks for the review!

[Ink]

"yesterday's yellow answers
all look brown
today"
And then following that up with "lemonade lipstick" was very clever. Were you making a connection here to how lemons can stain your skin brown? Or am I just drawing connections where one wasn't intended...

I'm liking how you started this piece with the response to the question posed at the end. It gave the poem a great cyclical feel.

The phrasing "heart break breath" sounded a tiny (and I mean tiny) bit awkward to me, however. "break breath" just doesn't roll off the tongue that easily for me, not sure if anyone else noticed that or if it's just me.

Overall, I enjoyed the read. Will be reading more of your works =]

[shythatway]

I love it when you put together words like 'beach blanket roll' :) I think any relationship go through a whole number of flavours during it's lifespan. But maybe they're within the same range?

[ChemicalMadness]

Same range....perhaps. Thank you so much for reading!! For me , the answers are always there in the questions....if you look hard enough.

[Aisha Mnd]

I very much liked the query at the end: 'What flavour are we?'

You have remarkable talent!

- Aisha

[ChemicalMadness]

You're very kind. Thank you, Aisha!

[Aisha Mnd]

No need to thank. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

doesn't need to be formatted any differently...this works..

the personification, metaphor and alliteration really give this great flavor.

love that idea..what flavor are we exactly..i like how you played with that idea...you write very smart poetry...that teases the brain.

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you, Jacob!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This was beautiful, my friend. You write with such realness, it is something I greatly envy. I love your wording and phrasing...I wish I could steal a little part of your mind so that I could conjur up these words any time that I wanted to. The last line...it was a killer; brought the whole piece together. Still your number one fan.

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you, GF! You're my favorite groupie ;)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Groupie...haha...yep, that's me.