Sweet dreams

May you know peace, my friend. Rest and know peace.

She stood and smiled
looked down the long hall
at me
eyes giving away
so delicately
the not-so-secret location
of her almost lost
heart

The me inside me leapt
the me inside me demanded
please go
please listen
please feel
outside, the gray snow snickered
shot full of grit
empty with the wrong answers
whispering words
weaving question
selling doubt

In moments to be replayed
only now
only when the then
is full of no matter -
I can almost see
my sometimes smile
running away
helplessly eluding me
mind making maddening
quick calculations
weighing imagined risk
prescribing possible outcomes
not yet knowing
I'd never be good
with numbers

The might have been
exhaled anguish
grief
and disbelief today
saddened so deeply
shattered so completely
her ravaged shell
no longer fit to house
her dreams
condemned, expelled
she's given leave
her never known
dying
without me
that boy down there
the so long and far
yet really only
a hallway away
from could've known
and why dear god
me

Author's Note

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Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I loved this one. Such depth and internal strife played out in a matter of fact, conversational nature, but embedded with such emotion. There are many lines I could quote here as beautiful, many sections, but I would rather just say that I truly felt this write. You remain a master in my eyes.

[4$H]

Continuity is really good. So is the imagery. LOVE IT

[Fernando Pessoa]

The sweet shell of words houses such a vastness of bittersweet wonderings. It's like a novel on one page, all that you've flooded into the spoken word; emotions, memories, and this moment's stare. You're a remarkable writer.

Ashleigh Brilliant: "The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary."

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me!

[Marie Anzalone]

Your voice needs to be heard. Please do not give up writing, ever.

Your words make me feel as if I were at the end of that hallway, not knowing if I should/ could reach out. Would it have made a difference? There have been far too many times in my life when I wondered that. Times when I wondered if I had a right to approach someone at all; times even harder when I had to walk away after trying too hard for too long.

Always, it is the small child we see in the mind's eye, hand forever outstretched wishing it just could have been *different*. I just lost two of those friends, too. One I never reached out to, and now wished I had. The other pushed me away, hard, for having reached out, and makes me wonder if I should not have. I empathize with the type of pain you express here for having a very raw wound in my own heart.

[ChemicalMadness]

Well, this was a pretty nice way to start my day - reading your kind words. I'm so glad you connected with this. Thank you so much for sharing with me! It seems I'm far too young to be losing friends/acquaintances/whatever you want to call them....but apparently I'm not and it is a sobering reminder to live life.

As writers, we often don't have too broad a forum to share - I'm thankful for having found this place, as its given me a platform to connect with people such as you ;)

CM

[Marie Anzalone]

You are never too young to experience the painful loss, and never too old for it not to be painful any more. Believe me, the pleasure is mine, too, in making your acquaintance. Please do not be a stranger.