Try again

today it’s

raining

isn’t it?

muffled drops

suppressed like

heartbeats in hiding

as the body warmed

blankets

man their positions

molded and damp

vigilient

defiantly codependent

 

i remember these things

these custom fit

dreams

falling down like streamers

and candy corn crusted shoes

manufactured happiness

crushed underfoot

while cretins run

wild and screaming

ravenously gathering

carelessly discarding

misfit accountants

rabid doctors

(amongst them genuine

darkness lurks)

born already but no one knows

masked in innocence

and lust salted saccharine

i used to see them

looking at me

down long tired

corridors like binoculars

turned round

 

its better now

the footprint of rain drops

in hiding erased

lonely dreams left behind

unimagined like

phantoms

like cataclisms

and tired blankets

unfolding backwards memories

to drop up to the sky

swept up and waiting

for reorder to restore

before they try

again to descend

 

once more

landing safely this time

prodigally showering

upturned faces

as blankets on beaches

quiet smothering sand

support and conform

spines of content

kissing secretly these lives

well spent

rewarded once more

one drop at a time

forgetting to remember

the gift of

rewind

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Wow...I'm thinking this is going to be one of those peices that I come back to a read again for full digestion. I see many mixed metaphors here...the feeling of maddess, regret and the beauty of life and reward. This reminds me of a short story I once read about a patient in a mental hospital for some reason, and I'm not sure that is what you are going for, but perhaps it's too early for me and I can't see beyond the steam of my coffee. Anyway, great write. Definitely strong in beat and meter; beautiful wording and unconventional imagery. Nicely done.

[shythatway]

I haven't had my coffee yet, so maybe I'll try again later. To me, this makes perfect sense. Who doesn't long for erase and rewind some times? Maybe one shouldn't.. I really liked this one. So many wonderful images, it's hard to pick a favourite part. Cataclysms, I think? That whole stanza stood out to me.

I'm not sure if it's raining today. Looking out, it could go either way.. :)

[emmajoy]

Seems to be post trauma, post pain, scene set in a set trap where nothing was what it should be. Then, slow release, a gradual easing of what might have been an abandoned re-discovery of self. Ending, perhaps with a kind of amnesty with a multitude of memories and an urge to go .. somewhere to find or not 'the gift of rewind'

[Emily B]

maybe i've had too much coffee, i read the work twice in its entirety and find myself unable to put together a coherent comment, i will return

it's just the weather is sideways

and the rain keeps beating

[ChemicalMadness]

See? Try again. Perhaps the name was more appropriate than I thought ;)

[Emily B]

i can't look away, the words mean more every time i take them in