We

all my cupboards

have been

stripped

                bare

but not

clean

 

without plates

how will we eat

                anything

left to gnaw on

the hollow scraps

of lingering

                dispassion

 

still we search

for a cup

    that wicked chipped saucer

even the blue black butter dish

(fast forgotten like wedding gifts)

has gone

 

prepared for a move

left only with

 crimson-curled lining paper

rendered brittle

with aging decay

                penny store protection decomposed

as though ravaged

by scavenging flame

 

they never look the same

purpose free

and without content

supporting the air

apathetic

(apologetic?)

wondering

                what will become

of we

the forgotten

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Androglossia]

Senescence came to mind when reading this. I liked the format. It controls the pace of reading and it separates, compare or contrast thoughts expressed in different units especially that the poem is not written in a formal metrical pattern.

[Relic]

You cartainly have talent for good poetry. I like the comparison between the relationship and inanimate objects. I think it creates good metaphors. I've noticed in the past, people stagger their sentences and even leave one word hanging out by itself. Is that to slow the reader down, speed them up, all at certain places? Just wondering. I like Jacob's review as well.

This is a fine poem with a characteristic all its own that draws on sadness ad leaves residue long after reading it. The desolation is what stands out to me.
Great stuff.

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. There are many reasons for specifically structuring and focusing on the format of a given piece. You've nailed a few of them above. For me, I want my format to either focus the reader on a specific word/thought, pace the reader so that their reading matches my intended cadence (hopefully), reinforce the deliberate or implied motion of a specific line, and/or to make thoughtful use of space. Whatever the reason, I feel it's always important that there actually IS a reason. For me, a lot of the time, the way I put the words down on the page is the way I hear (and see) the piece in my head. I'm working on a piece right now, which is a really light piece, but I hope it will blatantly illustrate some of the above.

I understand my intent doesn't always translate and I end up jarring the reader. In those cases, I really wish I could read the piece aloud.

Thank you again. I'm so glad you connected with this on some level!
CM.

[Relic]

I did and thanks for explaining that to me. I always try and learn from anyone who knows.

[Emily B]

i was wondering the same thing

[icelandicblue]

There is a palpable starkness to this. I must admit that I read it a couple of times so that I could catch the line breaks appropriately. I like this a lot including the parentheses- you use them well.

[KeelyJane]

Love the structure and the theme. You've done well on this one.

[Jeff]

Excellent work here. I love the style.

[Azriel]

i love this one a lot, again with that lovely structure and form. also the language and images used here are great, loved the metaphor of the cupboard and the various wares. very unusual, but it works so well.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I've come to love your style. You have a way of making the "real world" seem less mundane and more enchanting. The texture of your work is always so spot on. The last two lines are perfect. Your style is cutting edge charm at its finest.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

when love moves out, it doesn't care about what is fragile...just throws emotions in boxes and lets them get cracked and chipped.

really strong write here.

[ChemicalMadness]

Thank you so much for reading my work. I greatly appreciate the feedback.
CM

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Good read and write.