My Angel

This is the first story I posted. And I will continue the story I just wanted to share it.

New city, new school, new student... I moved to my grandparents house. I ran away from home. Took my clothes and personal items. Jacked up my parents wallet and got some money. I got about 6,000 dollars. Parents secret stashes, credit cards, and well cash. I ran away because my parents have always abused me and i hated it. So, I thought of going to my grandparents house. My grandparents were nice and understood me. They enrolled me to a school, fed me, and took care of me. So now its a brand new school.
I get ready for school. Red converse, black skinny jeans, domo shirt, bow on my hair, and yeah. I get bullied cause I cut and stuff. I dont let it get to me. So oh well. So i go downstairs and see my grandpa in a wheel chair and grandma crying.. "Grandma, what happened?" I was pretty scared.
" Your grandpa harmed his leg on the ladder this morning and he fell."
"He' s going to be okay, right?" I said as i get up to get a piece of bread for breakfast. I wasnt really hungry.
"Yeah, do you want me to drive you to school?" Grandma said
"No, I'm good. I'm gonna use my skateboard", i finish the piece of bread and grab an apple "Bye Grandma!!"
I ran outside the door as i grab my skateboard and headed to school. As i was riding my skateboard i see this guy standing at the bus stop and i tried to stop so i wouldnt hit him. I couldnt stop i yelled at him repeatedly to move out of the way. But he didnt move at all... I covered my face hoping i wont see what would happen next. But no, i didnt hit anybody and he didnt move either. I just.. went through him.. i looked behind me and my skateboard ran over a rock and i fell on the ground.. I got up and kept riding school. Right when i get through the doors the bell rings. I rode my skateboard to my locker. I opened my lovker and threw my skateboard inside my locker, grab my binder and ran to class. First period, art class. I sit in the back trying to not draw attention to myself but no... the teacher had to say there was a new student...
I stood up as Mr. D introduced me. I could hear girls talking about how i look and stuff. The boys didnt say anything since they were too busy to even look at me. But i saw this one guy who was just staring at me.He looked pale with he had long black hair that was covering his face, his black hoodie, his white sweatshirt, black jeans with black and white studded belt, and his black converse. I couldn't see his face and he just sits in the back, looking at me, no emotion. I wasnt paying attention to the teacher since i was too busy looking at him. I snapped back to reality as every girl was laughing at mr since I was staring at someone with no emotion.

Author's Note

Ignore any grammar problems and mistake on dialouges

Reviews

[Thisiscrae]

this is so sad but really good

[Geon Quuin]

First of all I want to welcome you to the Writer's Cafe online community. This website has a lot to offer if you want to read great amateur, and immature, literature, make friends, and receive constructive criticisms and reviews. Which is what I'm going to give you. You mentioned to ignore the structure of the story, which is what I'm going to do. Please do not be discouraged by the review I am about to give you. I am giving you what I think would make you into a better writer and what would improve your story. On that note, on to the review:

The protagonist's background wasn't in-depth enough to actually make me feel any sympathy for her. If anything, the way you described her background, it sounded too cliche and non-specific that it makes me feel indifferent towards her. The description of her appearance felt rush that it looked like she wasn't really that important of a character to the story. My only advice is to add in-depth and somewhat believable details that would correlate to the entire story. The story itself is not quite interesting but it has potential to become something better that has a lot more impact and content. I wouldn't say I personally enjoyed this read. However, it has a lot of potential to become a great story.
Again, I want to emphasize that I didn't write this review to humiliate you and put you down. I am only saying what I think would make this into a better story. Everyone has the talents to become a successful writer; it's just a matter of giving it your all to convey your heart to the world.

[Euro]

Hey! Welcome to Writerscafe.org! Glad to have another writer on board! I hope you enjoy this website and all of the good things it has.
To the review now,
This story is great! I mean, I know it's not finished by what you put on your Description, but it really got me interested. I am hoping that you continue on it and that you post up the next part of this soon, if I may say.
Other than the grammatical errors that you mentioned to ignore, this story is good.
Keep it up,
-Penelope H.

[Krystyna Herst]

My friend, Devon told me to read this story. I really like it!!!

Keep writing

[D E V O N K E S I N G E..]

I really like this so far. Continue soon, okay??

[Chellene:3]

fine... lol

[Chellene:3]

/).(