A lost and broken soul

We are often lost in the many questions we have in our mind, which blinded our path...

I have so many questions in my head that I am reviewing them again and again, I can't stop my thoughts on wanting more from him... what is he to me? Is he an obsession, a crush, a fantasy, a lover, a flirt, one who's crossing path or the one. I cant figure it out, or do I know but I just don't want to admit it? Why and how he got to affect me so much? Why will my heart plump so fast when he is around? Why would I get so excited when I know that I will see him, and why would I be upset when I don't know if I will see him again? Why can't I sleep thinking of him and wake up dreaming of him? Why are there pains and tears with one thought of not having him in my life? This is just too dramatic and I hate the way I feel toward him. 

Why can't I behave cool in from of him? Why do I care so much how he feel and think? Why can't I give these feeling to the great guys around me,  who would appropriate so much more? Who would tell me how much they fancy me, they want me, how much care and time they would spend with me?  Why do I chose not to give my love to them? Why would I not give my time to them more than him? Why is it so hard to have someone feeling the same as you, who can be there for you, who understand and see how much someone would do for you?  

I just want to get out of these, I am not happy with the amount of care he is giving me, but why am I nagging?  How much do I need? Why am I behaving this way which I found it awfully annoying. Why every time I want to give up on him, he will just pop-up and my heart would melt and my hope will rise again? Why would I give him so much excuse for non-sense? What do I like about him and does he even has what I want from a guy? 

This is just a fantasy I am chasing? is this even real? Am I going nut? I need a closure, I need to escape from him...I want everything, or nothing.... 

Chele.KY.

Reviews

[ANTO]

"I don't think its possible to love someone too much, but you can love them in the wrong way" (The Krays movie)
Sometimes a crush can become an obsession, an addiction and it may sound and feel like love - hell, it may start of AS love thne become tainted by jealousies and games. Bringing the game mentality to love, even if it meant to secure that which we feel we have been looking all our life for, isn't a good idea. Seeds are sown that will bloom into dreadful flowers and fruits - sooner or later.
All logic and rationale go out the window because of the basic drive to hold on to them.
This is powerfully introspective and revealing. Hard to put to paper I would imagine - so fair play to you for doing so and for sharing, Chelle.
:)

[Horizons]

Well, after waving along your such lines: "Why can't I sleep thinking of him and wake up dreaming of him?" I must say that whatever so happening to your beautiful "heart" is called "Love" that either takes you to the memories of someone or blows you to the shades of his heart belonged to love. So, it all happens with time... it all happens on purpose. And, the other name of the love`s called "Infatuation" So, either you are infatuated with the guy you want or get attracted by his charming nature that makes you dancing up and down all night ov`r the floor. Hear the voice of your mind and "listen to" your heart. Take correct action. Choose one direction and keep blowing with stuffs that makes you happy... free of cost, because, love really comes with price - A price that costs your life as well as your heart much! So, Good Luck!

Very nice story. You`ve very well captured your feelings in words, & related these all to the world.. to love. Keep writing!