THE STORY OF DAVE AND TACO CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1

    Okay, so in the middle of frickin’ nowhere there’s this lame little town called Trinity.  Trinity is the kind of town where the only things to do to escape your sorry excuse for a life are playing Sportsball, drinking, and drinking THEN playing Sportsball.  If you didn’t do these things you clearly don’t belong, which makes the natives give you dirty looks and treat you like a lost child.  

In this sorry excuse for civilization, lives Dave.

“OH FAK! THE SHINY SCREAMING BOXY THING!” Dave screamed out as he fell to the floor, digging around in the darkness for his alarm clock.  After about a good minute without success, Dave finally had it!  He slammed down his fist with all his strength, and there was a shriek in pain from his dog.

“SORRY TACO, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BOX OF ETERNAL SCREAMING WENT?!” Dave asked. “You have misused my loyalty for the last time Dave, I must leave” Taco replied. “PSH C’MON N***A YOU SAY THaT EVERY DAY!” “This time I mean it Dave, I love you but I just can’t take this treatment any more.” Taco said in a raised voice, trying to shout over the continued screams of Dave’s alarm clock.

    Just then, there was a loud crash and shattered glass showered the room with smoke pouring in from the floor.  “Hurry Dave they’re after us again!” “QUICK TACO JUMP IN MY HOODIE!!” Taco curled up in Dave’s hoodie pocket, and dave began to run across the glass-covered floor in his bare feet.  “WAIT TACO I KNOW HOW TO FEND THEM OFF!” “Don’t be a fool Dave, we have to hurry!” “Fine!  I’ll slow them down then!” Dave said, crouching to pick the still screaming alarm clock off the ground, and even after he yanked it off the power cord, the screaming continued.  With a swing of his arm so hard it hurt, Dave chucked the scream box through the window, smacking one of the suited men right in the jaw, then they ran.

    I guess it’s worth mentioning by now, Taco is no regular dog.  In fact, Taco isn’t a dog at all.  He’s the last of his species, his origin is unknown to everyone but Professor Melbourne, who died many years ago when the men in suits first appeared.  It’s been years of running and countless fake identities ever since.  

“Yo Taco I’m not complaining, but this whole running through the woods with glass in my feet kinda sucks.”  “Dave that is complaining”  “WELL SORRY N***A, USE YOUR MAGIC FART DOG POWERS OR SOME S**T!” Taco sighed. “Fine Dave, but don’t get used to it” Taco said, his tiny head poking out of the hoodie pocket.  Taco closed his eyes to focus and the two began to float through the air, with his mind’s eye, taco had them zipping between the branches at over 200 miles an hour.

    By the time the two reached Russia, the men in suits has swept through all of Trinity and the surrounding towns, quarantined the citizens, and put everything in Dave’s house through many painfully long lab tests. One analyst, Doctor No_250382 rushed down the halls of the facility frantically.  “Sir, we’ve found something!” “Hand it over” Said all the suited men at once.  The doctor slowly unzipped the end of Dave’s backpack, and green light flooded the room...

“This just in, there was a massive explosion sighting near Trinity around midnight yesterday, our camera crews were denied entrance as the authorities say the area is ‘denied outside access until further notice.’ Stay tuned for more information as we have the local wildlife expert, Henry Ro…”  Taco pressed his paw to the power button on the remote.  “Dave this doesn’t look good.”  Taco called to Dave across their room. “What’s up Dawg?” Taco squinted at him.  After a short silence, Taco sighed.  

“Dave, you did remember the bag...right?”

(Silence)

“Dave?”

(Silence)

“DAVE”

    “OKAY YOU GOT ME TACO, I FORGOT IT!” “Dave that’s the one thing we needed to remember!”  “I know, I know, but what was I supposed to do?  Forget the box?” “...What box?”  Dave ran across the room, and out from under the bed he slid THE box.  “My god Dave is that what I think it is?” Dave said nothing, but he continued, placing the box gently on the table, sliding it slowly around, and as he cracked open the lid, a glowing golden light shone through.  

   

    In a voice of pure wonder, Dave said “Behold” as he flipped open the lid all the way, “THE YEEZY SEASON 15” “JESUS CHRIST DAVE!”

And just then, there was a knock on the door.