Just a cigarette. (rant 1)

My thoughts as of right now on a subject. No pre-writing, no revising. Just typing and posting.

I smoke. People always tell me it is a "bad thing". It causes cancer after all, right? One of the leading killers in America, it is. But everything causes cancer. And, Who cares? We all die in the end.

I'm not putting a cigarette up to their lips. Only my own. If they don't want me to smoke around them, I won't. Simple as that, I don't care what anyone else thinks about it. I do it for my own purposes, not to be "cool" or another "hipster artist".

It's my therapy. I don't have a person to talk to about my problems, because my problems are them. I don't take pills for my own mental problems, I find that worse than a cigarette. More money, and less of my mind is free.

People laugh and don't believe me when I say this, but it's tough work when the only thing you know how to do is art. I know I need to make a career from this or I won't be happy. I know I won't, and it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done; this decision.

Working off commision...easier said than done, by far.

I have to constantly think about what I want to relate to other people. I have to, if people can't relate to my piece. If they don't get my desired effect from it, the piece is s**t.

I'm always working on people, I'm studying them, I'm trying so hard to understand them, and grow in my own work simuntaniously.

I want to show people what I think visually, I'm not a writer, I'm not some great poet. I'm a visual artist, and I smoke cigarettes, and I don't give a s**t what you think about it. It's my choice, not yours.

As long as I'm alive, you'll see a pencil or watercolor brush in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. A Diet Coke by my desk, because while I'm at it, I might as well drink aspartame (a rat killer in artificial diet items).

My habits are irrelevant. My art and my voice is. Listen to my work, not my home life.

We all need to make a living. Stop worrying about petty things. 

 

Author's Note

This is from thought to keyboard. No editting was done. No revising. Take it for what it is. Get from it what you want. Ignore grammer issues and the sort.