Chapter 2: Don't Wanna Be an Alabamian Idiot

A Chapter by Cameron Lockhart

The Sterlings arrive in Kicksburg and meet the Simmons for the first time, but things don't exactly start on the right foot.

The following day, during the brief, transitional gap between afternoon and evening, Junior and Rosemary set out with their barely one-month-old daughter in tow. They made the twelve-minute trip straight across town to the opposite mansion, where the former's side of the family resided. Technically they didn't all reside there, but they all spent so much time at that house that they might as well. Regardless, today's meeting would not just be a mere family gathering. No, this would mark a major milestone in Simmons family history, for it would allow the two families to properly meet up and hopefully work things out, increasing the overall size of the clan. And they'd have more than enough time to do so before the Sterlings' farm would be rebuilt.

Earning the blessing of Junior's family had been a breeze for Rosemary, what with her spunky, hardworking, open-minded persona being quite similar to their own and allowing her to fit in with ease. However, vice-versa did not apply; Junior had met Mr. and Mrs. Sterling before, but no matter how polite and eloquent he acted, it did little to boost their approval of him. And the fact that their relationship with their daughter had already become asunder beforehand did not help matters. But this didn't stop the two from having a quick, Vegas-style wedding, albeit with a modest cake, no formalities aside from the bride and groom attire, and only one side of the family showing up. Now that they had a child together, it effectively formed a permanent connection between the clans whether they approved or not, so it was about time they learned to like each other.

The collective mood among the Simmons family was a pleasant one overall as they lounged together in the living room. Rosemary was the only one standing up, pacing a little as she explained the situation to everyone else, down to every last detail.

"So for a while now, I've been longing to try and let my folks back into my life so we can truly be a family again, especially seeing how we now have a baby connecting them to you guys. And I feel that this point in time, however tragic, is the perfect opportunity," she explained, now sporting a white bandana covered in black fleur-de-lis, a garment she always wore no matter her outfit. "Junior and I personally feel that every child needs to have both sides of its family in its life at least some of the time, and we want that to be the case with Primrose as well."

"Spoken like a true intellectual. So glad I married you," Junior snarked.

"Well of course you'd be on board, but I'd really like to get some input from the others," Rosemary continued.

"I see no qualms with this arrangement. Always a pleasure to introduce some new people into the family, no matter what walk of life they come from," said Mark, Rosemary's wealthy father-in-law. Always like him to be the most reasonable and optimistic of the bunch. "Katrina. Any thoughts?"

He turned to his wife, a tall, embellished, Italian-American with a sable beehive, who was seldom seen without a bit of leg, cleavage, or midriff showing, or even some combination of those things. At the moment, she was all but tuned out of the discussion as she cradled and played with her only grandchild on her lap, but quickly tuned back in once she felt everyone staring at her.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm cool with this," Katrina replied in a heavy Brooklyn dialect, immediately turning her attention back to Primrose. "Who's gonna be a gorgeous lady someday? Hmm?"

"I was initially indifferent to the idea of meeting your folks until I learned about your relationship with them," a chestnut-haired woman the same age as Junior butt in. "It's just not right for a kid to grow up around such strife and division among their family, and I feel that needs to be addressed. Sounds like it'll take a lot of work, but it also sounds like it'll be worth it."

"Well said, sis." Junior nodded.

"Okay, good. Now all we've gotta do is wait 'till they get here, and I- Oop!" Rosemary was cut off as the doorbell rang, its sound spreading through the wide-open foyer like a malignant tumor.

Without wasting even a nanosecond, the gang headed out towards the circular driveway, circling around a fountain with a statue of Mark's long-deceased parents. A silver limousine with the Simmons logo on the side had pulled up, and as soon as it came to a complete stop, the Sterlings proceeded to climb out and survey their new surroundings. They all had navy-blue eyes and sported golden crucifixes around their necks, both of which were traits shared with Rosemary.

Among the bunch were Paul and Lorraine, from earlier. The former was bespectacled, but also mid-sized and stout like his daughter, his ash-blonde hair short and spiky, albeit mostly covered up by the straw cowboy hat he wore at almost all times. His unkempt beard did an unprecedentedly good job in hiding his lower face, so anyone hoping to determine his mood had to pay close attention to his eye-movements. The latter, meanwhile, sported a similar body-type and hairstyle to Rosemary, her stringy, bleached-blonde locks sporting visibly graying roots and the bandana adorning them dull and plaid.

The rest of Rosemary's immediate family consisted of three more children, including a trim, college-aged man with a platinum-blonde caesar-cut, matching mutton-chops, and a houndstooth headband, accompanied by a set of tall, lithe female twins. Unlike Junior and his sister, these twins were identical, with feathered earrings, woolly waterfalls of dirty-blonde hair sprouting down to their calves, and a wardrobe that consisted of an unorthodox blend of tight fitness wear and loose, frilled Bohemian attire. The only discernible difference was the fact that one of them possessed a beauty-mark right between her eyes. Finally, there were two well-trained dogs, a Scottish terrier and a Schnauzer, each one being carried by one of the twins.

"Well that's a good few hours I'll never get back," Paul grumbled, stretching his back and causing it to pop in a few places.

"At least we're finally here," the twin with the beauty-mark spoke up. "Gotta say, this place doesn't look half-bad."

"Yeah, but then again, anything's better than watching our frostbitten digits fall off and coughing up half or body-weight in phlegm," her sister added. They both spoke in the same accent as the rest of their family, but for some reason there was twinge of valley-girl dialect mixed in.

"True, true."

Keeping up her stern demeanor, Lorraine stepped ahead of the pack and walked over towards Rosemary, her eyes immediately dropping down to the newborn in her arms. She couldn't help but soften her expression a tiny bit at the sight of it, pleased to see that she mostly looked like her mother... only to frown again when she noticed the curls and brown eyes that came from her father.

"I just can't believe my eyes. First you spend your entire adulthood betraying your own family and values, then you go on and marry this tramp despite our disapproval," Lorraine said at last, pointing an accusing thumb at Junior. "And now, you're having his babies too!"

"...Nice to see you again too, Mom." Rosemary rolled her eyes. So much for hoping that motherly instinct would save the day, even if it involved her first grandchild.

"Baby girl!" Paul came over and wrapped his daughter in a warm hug. "You doing alright? You ain't been completely corrupted by these snooty elites, have you?"

"Really Dad, I'm-" Rosemary was cut off by her older sisters joining the embrace, putting their dogs down and letting them roam around, sniffing the ankles of the Simmons family.

"Ooh, look who got knocked up under thirty!" the unblemished twin teased.

"I know, right? Cute kid, though," her sister butt in.

"Anyone else have a snide remark to make?" Rosemary turned her attention to her younger brother, who stood yards away in an air of indifference. "Zeke?"

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah... yeah, long time no see," the young man replied, barely making eye-contact. Even so, he couldn't help but feel happy for his sister, in spite of his general apathy towards children.

It was then that Mark stepped ahead of his family and headed towards the limo to open the trunk. While his son got started taking out all the luggage, he loudly clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention.

"Alright then. So now that we're all gathered here at last, I think it's about time we break bread. We can do that literally in just a minute, but first, let's do it figuratively," he stated, reaching out to shake Paul's hand. "I'll start things off: the name's Mark Simmons."

"Yeah, yeah, we know who you are. Hell, I'm sure all Americans know who you are," Paul deadpanned with narrowed eyes, folding his arms and refusing to shake his hand. "Anywho, my name's Paul, but don't take that new information as a sign of respect."

"Dad!" Rosemary snapped.

"I'm Lorraine," Lorraine spoke in a similar tone.

"I'm Kendra, and that's Kendall," the woman with the beauty-mark introduced, putting an arm around her twin as they shook various hands, being the most open-minded members of the family.

"And you've already met Zeke over there. Oh, and those two are Cletus and Clovis." Kendall pointed to the schnauzer and the terrier respectively.

"Charmed, though admittedly I was kind of expecting a pig." Junior briefly knelt down to pet both dogs, who both leapt up and started to lick his face. At least he'd managed to win over some of the Sterlings. "Regardless, I am Mark Jr."

"Justine," the chestnut-haired woman introduced herself. "We're twins as well, but just fraternal ones. I don't think I've ever met identical twins before."

"Coulda' sworn there were some bein' delivered just one room over from us." Katrina walked over, shaking Lorraine's hand. "Bon giorno, the name's Katrina."

"I was honestly kind of expecting you'd greet us with kisses," Zeke spoke dryly.

"Nah, dat's more of a Southern Italian thing," Katrina replied.

"So now that we all know each other, let's head inside and make our new guests feel welcome with the feast we whipped up," Mark suggested. "Junior, help me bring all their luggage inside and we can sort out the living arrangements later on."

"I'm on it, Dad." Junior nodded, picking up a few suitcases, only to have them snatched by their owners.

"Nuh-uh, we can handle our own s**t, thank you very much," Paul spat. "Unlike you top dogs, we pull our own weight and don't rely on the labor of others."

"Fine, have it your way, I guess." Junior rolled the burnt sienna eyes he got from his dad, following everyone back inside.

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