Chapter 7: The Mystery Intensifies

The trio heads out to inquire about Mike's potential role in the conspiracy, but their quest for answers proves to have some hurdles.

Upon getting up early the next morning, Tequila and I didn't hesitate to report our new findings to Xavier in order to add to the growing list of clues we'd found thus far. Soon after, we packed up our luggage and made the long, arduous drive to Hitsville. I'd initially asked why we weren't going to just fly to Montana, but Xavier insisted that since we were bringing our new combat suits with us, as well as three handguns, there was no chance we could fly without getting them confiscated along the way. The road trip took just under a day, and as we neared the small town, we were engaged in a discussion that was rather irrelevant to what we were supposed to be doing.

"But yeah, Mother's Day has got to be the most awkward holiday in existence," I said. "Like, hey Mom. How about we spend the whole day celebrating the fact that I put your body through hell all those decades ago?"

"I know you had to put up with nine months of morning sickness, cravings, meltdowns... not to mention I utterly disfigured your vagina on the way out. But hey, I hope this Bed Bath & Beyond gift card can make up for it all!" Tequila added facetiously, chuckling a bit afterwards.

"Technically speaking, it's not the baby's fault for all that, but more accurately the father's," Xavier explained with a raised index finger.

"Ugh, leave it to you to siphon all the fun out of a perfectly good joke." Tequila rolled her eyes.

It was then that the public domain music on the car's radio was abruptly cut off and a reporter immediately started speaking, his tone far beyond serious.

"This just in, fair citizens! We interrupt this broadcast with some breaking news! We've just received word that a major break-in has occurred at Seymour Manor over in Hitsville, Montana!" he announced. "And it appears that whoever broke in has also murdered Mike Seymour!"

"Well gee, how convenient is it that the guy we're looking for happens to die right before we get the chance to speak with him?" Tequila sneered.

"I say we go investigate as soon as we get there," I suggested.

"Right. Well, we should be there relatively soon," Xavier replied, picking up a little bit of speed.

---

One of the first things we saw upon entering Hitsville was Seymour Manor, with several of its front windows and even the front door busted open and several cops already positioned on the scene, the tri-colored lights flashing on top of their unoccupied cars and probably giving seizures to any epileptics in the vicinity. The gang and I drove past the scene and stopped at the local inn to check into a pair of rooms and drop off our luggage, before changing into our new armor sets just to be on the safe side. Only then could I get a glimpse of Xavier in his own suit. It was built near identically to mine, albeit with slightly different measurements and a trio of plastic-glass circles on his wrist in order to accommodate his three watches.

With that out of the way, the three of us slipped out of the inn and made our way back to the mansion, where we noticed several criminal thugs gathered in the now wide-open foyer, having what appeared to be a series of physical altercations. There was hardly anyone else on the scene, save for the cops, so I immediately assumed that the other civilians had remained at home for the sake of protecting themselves.

"Aw, crap! What are we gonna do now?" one cop asked. "There's so many scumbags in there, but so damn few of us in this town."

"We could just call in the police force from Big Sky again," his partner suggested.

"Dude, this is Montana! It'll take them like, an hour just to get here!" the first cop countered. "And by the time they show up, these guys'll have caused even more of a ruckus."

"Excuse us, good sir?" I politely interjected, prompting them to turn around and face us.

"Now what do you guys want- wait, you three are from the 'Looks Don't Matter' movement, aren't you?" the second cop asked.

"Indeed. And if it's okay with you, we'd like to inspect this place," Xavier replied.

"Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," the first cop butt in.

"Look, you heard what the president said." the second cop nudged his partner in the arm. "After you, folks!"

With that, the two officers stepped aside and allowed my partners and I to enter the gaping hole in the house. As we approached the crowds of thugs occupying the foyer, one of them stuck out to me. He was a stout, obese, teenage boy in a sumo costume and luchador mask. At the moment, he was making use of a lucha libre fighting style as he duked it out with an inmate of similar height, but with a much more trim build. He managed to gain the upper hand, knocking his opponent out cold and stomping on him repeatedly, raising his bare, chubby arms to the heavens as he soaked up the applause from the onlookers.

"Pygmy Hippo," I muttered as we approached him.

"How do ya' like that, huh?! Huh?!" he bellowed, pounding his chest for a bit, before turning around as someone pointed us out. "Well, if it isn't those goody-goodies who took out Gonzalez! A bunch of libtards who support all these rules and regulations!"

"Yeah, regulations that keep us safe!" Xavier replied.

"Lemme guess, you're a conservative?" Tequila butt in, unamused.

"Nope, I'm an anarchist! I don't want 'limited government'. I want no government!" Hippo replied. "Irregardless of what your views are, I can't wait to finish you all off right here and now! I've easily beaten just about every goof who's challenged me tonight, so let's see if you three can provide more of a challenge!"

"Pfft, and you don't seem to pose much of a threat!" I spat back, feeling a bit more cocky. "Gotta say, you're not as intimidating as the authorities said you would be, at least not physically."

"I know, right? Makes Ben Shapiro look like Shaquille O'Neal." Tequila sneered.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? So that way I can be famous and rich beyond my wildest dreams!" Hippo taunted, dropping into a fighting stance.

With that, all four of us gathered in the center of the foyer and strafed around, waiting patiently for whomever was willing to deliver the first blow.

"So while we're just standing around, mind telling us where Mike Seymour is?" Xavier teased.

"I'm not here to talk, chumps! I'm here to kick all three of your asses... and possibly spank one of them. Looking at you, ginger!" Hippo grinned. "I wonder if your pubes are red too..."

"Why you-!"

After growling and rolling her eyes at that comment, Tequila sprinted ahead of us and planted a whirlwind kick directly into his face. It hit him so hard that some blood spurted out of his nose and mouth as he dropped to the floor, going unconscious instantaneously.

"Anyone else willing to sing?!" she called out.

In response, all the other thugs adopted expressions of panic and started to flee, hurrying out front where the cops didn't hesitate to catch as many as possible, escorting them to their cars in handcuffs. Another pair of cops came in and carried off Pygmy Hippo's body before he could come to.

"Whew, that felt good!" Tequila flexed a bit as she panted. "I haven't felt this liberated since I got my first bikini wax!"

"Um... what?" I asked.

"Clearly you weren't raised by parents who forbade you from shaving your snatch!" Tequila barked back. "'God gave you hair down there for a reason,' they said. Well if God really did do that, then he can just suck it."

"Actually, female anatomy does not include the-" Xavier butt in.

"You know what I mean!" Tequila aggressively cut him off.

"Er... pushing all that aside, that's two assassins we've taken care of. Now we'd better inspect this place to see if we can find any more valuable information," I suggested.

"Good thinking, Jasper. Now how about we spread out and start searching?" Xavier nodded. "Those hooligans trashed the place pretty badly, but surely we can still find something, right?"

---

While each of my teammates left in a different direction, I took the liberty of searching the large, well-stocked kitchen for clues. Upon entry, I nearly did a double-take at the visible carnage scattered all over the place. The floors and countertops were covered almost completely in puddles of blood, and some of the stove's burners were still on. The shattered remains of countless dishes, and the bodies of various house/kitchen staff were scattered about. Some had knives and bullets rammed through them in fatal areas, and others were covered in various kitchen burns or injured in other ways, causing them to pass out from the pain.

There was even one guy whose neck had been impaled from behind with a bread knife, and his head had been plunged into the kitchen sink. The drain was stopped, and the water flooding it had been saturated with his blood, no thanks to the lead bullet that had been fired clear through his scalp. Lifting his head up, I also noticed to my horror that his eyes had been gouged out, with the melon-baller responsible lying right next to the sink.

"Holy s**t, whoever broke in here sure had no mercy," I muttered, looking around haphazardly as I explored the room. "Huh?"

I immediately looked towards the moonlit window above the kitchen sink, where I could've sworn I saw a humanoid shadow peeking in, only for it to seemingly disappear as I looked right at it. Ultimately, I was unable to find any notable evidence that could explain what had happened here. Right as I was about to leave the room, I heard some footsteps approaching from behind me.

"Ugh! Welp, there's nothing useful in the living room," I heard Tequila grumble as I turned around. "Oh, hey Jasper. Found anything on your end?"

"Nope. Nothing," I replied. "Nothing but bodies, but I don't see how any of them could help us. The only thing I could gather was that there was at least one gun used during this break-in."

"Hey guys! You might wanna see this!" Xavier's voice rang out from the living room. "I found something in the basement."

Without a word, Tequila and I followed him. Upon reaching the bottom of the staircase, we looked around at the cellar. Countless bottles and barrels of alcohol had been destroyed, their aromatic liquid contents spilling all over half the cellar.

"Well damn, whoever did this must clearly hate alcohol," Tequila commented. "I can understand not liking the idea of drinking, but there's no need to ruin other people's fun."

"Yes, yes, but that's not what I wanted to show you," Xavier replied, leading us to a portion of the basement dedicated to working out. "Behold."

The first think that stuck out to me was a male body hung up on the chin-up bar by his hands, which were restrained by means of some brightly-colored resistance bands. The moonlit squares from the nearby window shone a ghostly light on his corpse, and within them I swear I could once again see that same shadow from earlier, but once again it vanished before I could get a good look at it. Focusing back on the task at hand, I took notice of the two massive slash marks across the man's torso, forming a large X, and the resulting blood had drenched his suit and dribbled onto the floor. All I could do was stand there for a spell, wondering just who the hell had the nerve to do all this, and what their motivation had been.

"So I found this while I was exploring the place earlier, and judging by his suit, hair, and eyes, I'm pretty sure I've found Mike's body," Xavier explained.

"Hmm, let's not jump to conclusions quite yet," Tequila replied, kneeling down to pick up something small off the metal floor, before taking a good look at it under the moonlight. "It's a teal contact lens. Unless Mike's been lying about his eye color for all these years, then this might not be him."

"Gee, what are the odds that a nation-renowned scientist would overlook such a crucial detail." I sneered as Xavier rolled his eyes.

Following that witty remark, I entered scan mode and zoomed in on the dead body, making sure to focus on the blood all over his corpse, as well as in the puddle on the floor below him. Focusing on the blood revealed the man's DNA, and thanks to my connection to Xavier's computer, I could identify his name. And to add further proof that this wasn't Mike, he lacked the lump in his right ear that we'd clearly seen the previous night.

"Welp, T's right. This isn't the man we're looking for," I said at last. "But why would someone bother disguising themselves as him?"

"Well he is a billionaire. And when you're successful in life, you can bet you'll be on at least a dozen hit-lists. Hell, I remember my mom used to have a counterfeit of her own up until her retirement," Tequila replied. "Mike must've used his own double as a decoy to distract the attacker, but I guess his ruse failed and he ended up captured anyway."

"Okay, so we've established that Mike wasn't killed here. But the question is, who captured him, and where'd they take him?" Xavier asked.

"That's a good question..." I brought two fingers to my chin as I pondered for an answer.