Chapter 2: Like a Mob Boss

Same as Chapter 1.

When the light died down a little, everyone lowered their hands as they took in the sight before them. Several armed greasers in sunglasses, leather jackets and ties had dropped straight into the penthouse, their assault rifles aimed outwards. Among the thugs was a young white woman with long black hair who looked just shy of thirty. She was dressed in a white fedora with pinstripes, alongside a matching blazer. The latter was worn over a gray, midriff-baring corset that revealed a rather generous amount of cleavage, with a black pencil skirt and matching go-go boots, making her stick out from her cronies like a sore thumb. Hilariously, the DJ started to play "Speak Softly, Love" from The Godfather on his turntables as soon as this chick made her entrance.

"Alright, so how 'bout we just skip the song and dance, and cut to the chase here?" the woman announced, speaking in a heavy Queens accent. "The name's Maria Giovanni, and I'm here for the palookas behind the 'Looks Don't Matter' movement. If you all cooperate, then there won't be no trouble."

"Wait a minute! I think I've heard that name before! Isn't she, like, the biggest mob boss in the state?" Tequila whispered to me, obviously alarmed. "Y'know, the one who kidnaps babies and shapes them into henchmen?"

Without a word, everyone who stood around the two of us stepped aside, exposing us to the mysterious party crasher. We just stared at her with neutral expressions on our faces as she narrowed her powder blue eyes.

"Ah, there's the people I wanted to see!" Maria glowered at us. "I hope you schmucks are happy at how you executed my boy Enrique Gonzalez, the savior of the free world!"

"'Free'?! That guy turned America into a dictatorship!" I replied in disbelief.

"And people call us commies," Tequila rolled her eyes.

"That's enough lip from you two!" Maria snapped her fingers, prompting a few of her bodyguards to point their guns at us. "I'm gonna make you pay dearly for what you did seven years ago!"

As she spoke, I looked through the corner of my eye and spotted Xavier directly across the room from me, still hidden behind a handful of guests. He curled two of his fingers into a ring and stuck the other three out, before winking at me and pulling the fire alarm as discretely as possible. As soon as the alarm went off, the sprinklers in the ceiling began to drench the room and everyone began to scatter and scream in panic, causing Maria and her goons to lose sight of us.

Tequila and I took the opportunity to run out of the room among the crowd, escaping into the hallway and down a flight of stairs, where we were abruptly pulled into a cracked door on the floor below. I discovered that the hand belonged to Xavier, who didn't hesitate to lock the door upon letting us in. It turned out that we were now in a security room, complete with screens displaying live recordings from the entire camera system. Unsurprisingly, they were all showing footage of Maria's entourage rampaging around the entire hotel, quickly spreading throughout every last floor.

"Phew! Thanks for that diversion back there, X!" I said, catching my breath.

"Agreed, but the question is, how do we get out of here?" Tequila asked.

"Well we are in a security room. Let's just check the cameras and try to see what our best route is," Xavier replied, before suddenly pointing at one of the screens near the top. "Whoa, hold the phone! What the hell's happening there?"

The screen in question showed footage of the now emptied penthouse, where Maria and four of her subordinates were standing around, alongside a partygoer who had been unable to escape. He knelt on the floor, held in place by two of the thugs, obvious terror in his eyes.

"Alrighty then. Let's get this over with, why don't we?" Maria began. "Where'd those damn chumps run off to?!"

"I-I... I d-don't... know!" the guest moaned, shivering all the while.

"You ain't lyin' to me, is ya'?" Maria snapped her fingers, prompting one of her minions to light a cigar and pass it to her. She took a brief drag, before directing her eyes back at her prisoner. "Cause I ain't fond a'liars."

"No! N-No, I'm not!" the partygoer continued.

"I don't believe him, boss," one thug commented.

"Yeah, you're right," Maria grinned wickedly, her tongue slowly dancing around her lips as she slowly strutted towards her victim. "And we all know what happens to those who lie to me! Don't we, boys?"

"Yeah!" all the four thugs replied at the same time.

With that, the victim simply knelt there and wiggled a bit as Maria dropped onto one knee, bringing her cigar dangerously close to his right eye. There was a brief sizzling sound followed by an audible splat and a haunting scream of unadulterated agony. The gang and I winced as blood splattered all over, with every single drop somehow not landing on Maria, who chuckled sinisterly and maintained her smirk as she stood back up. Even after the initial explosion, the incapacitated victim continued to shriek in pain as a waterfall of blood gushed out of his now unoccupied socket.

"Ay ay ay! Thank God I didn't eat too many refreshments!" Tequila moaned, clutching her stomach.

"Talk about macabre! What compels one to be so cruel?" Xavier added.

"No clue, but I think the more important question here is how do we escape?" I interjected.

"Hmm, well according to the cameras, there's only one thug on this floor, and he's patrolling the opposite side of the building. I know there's an elevator right by this room, which I can use to go straight to the parking garage," Xavier explained. "Meanwhile, you two can sneak out back through the vents and we can drive off before we're discovered."

"Just when I thought we wouldn't need to do s**t like this ever again," Tequila grumbled. "...Okay, sounds like a plan."

Right after Xavier left, the two of us found a toolbox in the nearby chest of drawers and used one of its screwdrivers to open the vent, which was just big enough to fit the both of us.

---

We managed to reach the first floor without any difficulty, but upon getting down there, we ran into a problem: none of the vent openings we found led directly outside. Nonetheless, Tequila and I kept searching until we found a vent with nothing but the night sky visible on the other side. We quickly hurried over and pried it open, only to find ourselves in the ballroom right next to the lobby.

"Aw, crap," I grunted, before the doors were abruptly kicked open.

"Freeze!" a thug yelled as he and several armed comrades burst in, slowly backing us into a corner.

Tequila and I nervously clenched our fists as we were eventually cornered. However, as soon as one goon nudged her in the arm with his gun, she reflexively planted a hook kick right into his face. I immediately nailed the closest man to me with a hard punch to the gut, causing him to drop his firearm. My wife and I looked at each other, before smirking in unison and using the stolen weapons to fend off every last mobster who came our way, shooting them down before they could land a single bullet on us. However, as the fight went on, the commotion attracted more and more goons into the room. They kept spawning like children in an unsuccessful marriage until we were eventually cornered again.

"Gah, there's no end to this army!" I moaned.

"She's compensating for something, I just know it," Tequila grumbled.

Just when all hope was lost, however, a shiny crimson Corvette abruptly zoomed in through the massive windows and plowed through a good portion of the crowd. We immediately recognized Xavier in the driver's seat and made a beeline for the automobile, locking ourselves in before the gunmen could attack us further.

"Quick! Step on it, X!" I demanded, prompting him to do just that.

As the three of us drove off, we eventually made it back onto the street and began to flee the scene.

"Look, I appreciate the rescue, but look what you did to the car!" Tequila pointed out. "It's not ours, you know!"

"I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures," Xavier replied. "Besides, I've got more than enough money put away to pay for the damages, and that goes for both the car and the hotel."

"If you say so," I replied, before looking out the window and spotting Maria leaping off one of the higher balconies, using a black parachute she'd brought with her to glide above us and onto one of the parked yachts in the nearby water. "Damn it! She's getting away!"

"Er, so what? She failed to murder us. Can't we just leave her to the cops?" Tequila suggested.

"And let them fail to catch her yet again? I think not," I replied, unbuckling and opening the door, letting myself tumble out onto the asphalt.

I grit my teeth and got up, briefly watching my friends drive away, before noticing the commandeered yacht taking off. Without wasting anymore time, I sprinted towards the guard rail on the side of the street and hopped onto it, before leaping across the widening gap and barely landing on the boat. As quickly yet quietly as possible, I snuck around the ship's deck until I reached the area with the steering wheel. I cautiously stepped in, noticing that the boat, while still going at a decent speed, was on autopilot.

"Well, look who decided to pursue me!" Maria's voice sounded from an unclear place. "Y'know, maybe you just might be worth all the do-re-mi after all."

"M-Money?" I asked in confusion, nervously looking around.

While still scratching my head on the matter, I was caught off guard as I received a strong hook to the back, knocking me into the steering wheel before I clumsily tumbled onto the ground. Looking back, I spotted Maria standing there, a seductive smirk on her face as she pointed a revolver at my head. It was plated in gold, silver, and bronze, and the whole thing was bedazzled with diamonds and rhinestones.

"I'd give up now if I was you, Mack- Oof!" she taunted, only to be cut off as I abruptly jabbed my foot into her stomach, sending her reeling backwards.

"Heh, you're not the only one who's good at sneak-attacks!" I sneered as I slowly stood up.

As soon as we both got back to our feet, we immediately rushed towards each other. Maria aimed her handgun at me once more, but I instead grabbed it by the barrel. We tug-of-warred over the weapon for a bit, before she accidentally pulled the trigger, firing a bullet right at the floor between us. I managed to yank it out of her grip and whacked her in the face with it a couple of times, before punching her in the same spot with my free hand and pointing her own gun at her.

"Now you wouldn't hurt a trans woman, would ya'?" Maria teased.

"Wait, you're trans?" I widened my eyes at that revelation. "Huh, well you must've hired a damn good surgeon 'cause I honestly couldn't tell."

"Aw, why thank you, I-"

At that, I abruptly windmill-kicked her in the face, sending her reeling over the back edge of the boat and into the water. I didn't hesitate to run back towards the dashboard and activate the motor, propelling the yacht forward. Looking back, I could hear a blood-curdling scream muffled by the water as several chunks flew backwards behind me, and the foam that was stirred up on the water's surface was dyed red with her blood.

"...But I think you might need some more work done after that!" I called behind me.

---

Upon circling the stolen boat around and bringing it back to the docks, I was greeted by Tequila and Xavier. The former rushed up to hug and kiss me as soon as I was back on dry land.

"Oh, thank goodness you're alright! You had me worried for a bit!" she said.

"Well sorry for worrying you. But are you two okay?" I asked.

"We're fine. I even managed to sneak back onto the crime scenes and take a few photos. That way, we can find out what prompted this attack and whatever else is going on," Xavier explained.

"And I managed to take Maria's gun." I showed them the bedazzled weapon.

"Yeesh! Talk about an eyesore!" Tequila cringed.

"And as for Maria herself?" Xavier questioned as he took the gun from me.

"Let's just say she's sleepin' wit' da' fishes," I replied in a phony New York dialect.

"Whatever. We can let the police figure out everything else. As for me, I'm gonna head home and study all the evidence I found, and I'll call as soon as I find something." Xavier nodded as he got into the car. "As for you two, I suggest you get some sleep.

After Tequila and I watched him leave, all we did was look at each other and then at the partially-ravaged hotel.

"...I don't think I can comfortably sleep here after what happened tonight," I said.

"Me neither," Tequila replied.