Vapid

A short-stream of consciousness piece about society

Vapid

Chaz Hemsworth

"And in other breaking news…"

click.

"Alright Jacobzor, ready to step into the transmagrifier time machine made of awesome?..."

click.

"Kim is like, the like stupidest, like human like…"

click.

"But John, you said you loved me…"

click.  

"As you  can see T. Rex's jawbone fits well within the confines of a subgroup..."

click.  pop.  a soft hiss.

I finally give up.  I throw the remote into the couch and look around. The house is slightly cooler than usual, so I go to check the thermostat.  It says 70.  I like the house at 70.  This is most distinctly not 70. I am going to call the heating company about this, I decide.  I am looking for a phone.  I find a penny under the couch cushions and throw it in some direction behind me. I keep looking.  I run all over my house but there is no phone in sight.  I give up on calling the company and instead decide to email them.  I sit down at my laptop. I login.  My browser recognizes the last page I went to.  It was about Joe- Anne Cleadry and Markus-Jacob Smith.  I think to myself, "Why would they break up?".  I look at internet memes, rarely laughing about them.  I feel tired and leave the laptop.   I pick up the remote. I turn on the T.V.  The news is on.  I fall asleep watching it.  

Reviews

[Rogie-Dodge]

I love the sense of emptiness, loneliness, meaninglessness in the characters life that you convey. The endless cycle of subsisting.

Nice !

[ferousfinite]

This is a great Prefix to a fantastic Movie script or perhaps a novel...

POV is difficult to maintain without adding a bias approach in your words. Try using notecards for each character then type it in... format.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Nice writing. Keep writing. If possible then Do u read my writing Anguish?

[max_vonnegut]

This is definitely a great short piece worth a read! You could probably make it longer and better, but it's also really good as it is.

[Argonaut1]

This is such a unique read although it does have some bits and pieces of lots of different stream of consciousness writing. I really like it because it is a voice that is rarely heard but one that is always lived. It's about the ordinary, but more than that, it expresses an ordinary life locked in a world of extraordinary and often overwhelming developments. I read this and I think about how absolutely bombarded and bogged down we all are by the multimedia experience. Our senses are wired to screens. If it isn't television, it's your computer, if it's not your computer, it's your tablet or gaming device, if it's not those, it's your phone.

I really love at the beginning of the paragraph when the main character is just sort of dawdling. This person is trying to escape from this drudgery by immersing themselves in mundane and sometimes contrived tasks like checking the thermostat. This person barely notices the simple joy in finding a penny under the couch cushion. The need to call the heating company seems like an excuse to talk to a real person and fulfill a social need. But when they can't find a phone, they end up at a computer screen in order to e-mail the company...which never gets done anyway. Time spent away from the multimedia world is futile and this person finds themselves inevitably right back on the couch, in front of the TV which nurses them to sleep.

Everybody else is living in this exact same world, this same life to some degree, and I'm loving that you showed this in the way that you did. Beautifully done.

I was also wondering if you were planning on using this little piece for something else. I really do think this would do well in a short story that can expand on all of these themes. I like the ordinary quality of it, but being the student of Poe that you are, you could really go nuts with it and delve into the inner-madness of the character. I also see you using this in a play (if you're interested in playwriting, that is) and have this developed as a monologue. It would be very entertaining. Anyway, good work!

[Katherine R.]

THIS IS HOW REAL PEOPLE SPEND THEIR LIVES
Jk!

It's overall really well written, Chaz! Good work!

[a schizophrenic writer]

Great story, made me smile haha! send me some more RRs I'll check more out when I get the time!

[cycy]

hahahaha, this is very different from what i have been reading all morning. very refreshing indeed. hahaha, kinda reminds me of the lazy song though. loool, i enjoyed it Chaz, it was fun reading this one. :)
and i can relate when it comes to that routine too..hahahaha.

[Talia The Hedgehog]

good. i enjoy very much. you are very talented!

[roarke]

Quick cut narrative, personal, with a social message... what's not to like? Unplug, and write more.